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  • Lethargic teenage boys who think they know everything

    7 posts, 5 voices, 4612 views, started Mar 17, 2009

    Posted on Tuesday, March 17, 2009 by Denise Herich

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    • Aquamarine
      Offline

      Moms out there, I could use your help.  I’ve got a 15 year old boy who won’t join anything at school, whose grades are in the toilet because he won’t lift a finger to study for tests(although he was earlier identified as gifted, and did well in school until high school), and thinks he knows everything about everything (he can’t be told anything, especially by us parents.)  I can’t seem to motivate him to do anything much anymore.  To him, extracurricular activities at school are “for nerds.”  He used to do sports, but because he did not automatically excel at them, has quit everything on an organized team level.  All he wants to do his hang with friends or play video games or do iTunes and buy more rap music.

      Obviously we‘re concerned about his future.  We’ve tried the punishment route, as in, unless you buckle down and start to study and get your grades up, you won’t get to do video games/hang out with friends/computer time.  We’ve come just short of signing him up for sports, but at his age, that doesn’t really work.  We’ve tried to reason with him and ask him “what do you really want to do?  what interests you in school?“, etc.  Nothing.  He goes to a top high school and has many opportunities for participation.

      I’m afraid he’s turning into a lazy human being, which 1.) won’t help him get into college; 2.) if he does get into college, he’s not going to do well; 3.) won’t do him any favors in the business world.  I also think he’s going to look back on his high school years with great regret, which I’ve also told him.  

      Any advice??  I’m starting to think “outward bound” or even “military camp” (if such things still exist) might not be a bad option.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Cynthia Schmidt wrote Mar 17, 2009
        • there’s something happening here that has shaken his confidence or someone at school has given him a message that he isn’t socially acceptable in some way or another. He’s not telling your the whole story. I’m wondering if speaking with the school counselor may help. But especially if he’s been in the gifted category and now this change in attitude and grades, either a teacher has said something or his peers have said something to cause this.

          I’ll Ask the counselor at my husband’s school what she thinks. Message me if you’d like and I’ll see if I can get some information for you.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Cynthia Schmidt wrote Mar 17, 2009
        • I just e-mailed the counselor. I’ll check back in with my e-mail when I get back to work.

          It looks like you‘re catching it early. There’s got to be some way to turn him around.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Herich wrote Mar 17, 2009
        • Thanks so much Cynthia!!!
          I think you are right.  Maybe it’s time to really ask for some outside help and guidance counselors are a great first step.  Appreciate it!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Leeann wrote Mar 17, 2009
        • My twelve year old son became lazy with his studies and we marched down to the school and talk to the teachers and we look at every grade and test on the pc , I have shut down games and tv. I started helping him study for test and last week we got an email from the teacher telling us he got an A on his test. He was so proud of himself! Right now the men are out cleaning up the yard.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Herich wrote Mar 17, 2009
        • Thanks for your comment, Leann. We’ve talked with teachers, who say that our son seems to get what they‘re doing in class, but his test grades really blow. Luckily, we are also online with the school’s grade system and can see everything.  I’m starting to study with him but it’s helping only marginally.  We’ve taken away his beloved iPod until things improve, plus Wii time. We should probably toughen up more and say no TV.

          I keep thinking, I was never this way in high school, you know?



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Anonymous wrote Jan 9, 2012
        • beware that drugs can play a big part in drastic changes, my son was very good in sports and school until he got involved in drugs. Don’t rule it out, I had my head in the sand in disbelief for too long, because I believed him when he said he wasn’t doing drugs, until he got in trouble with the law, then we all had to face reality.  It’s been a rough road and we‘re not done, he’s 15 1/2 now.



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