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  • Mom and Best Friend ~ can it work?

    8 posts, 8 voices, 709 views, started Oct 16, 2008

    Posted on Thursday, October 16, 2008 by Jldixon

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    • Aquamarine
      Offline

      Hey everybody.  I hope you are having a wonderful week, and Thank Goodness It’s (almost) Friday!

      I have an 11 year old daughter.  Her dad and I are divorced.  It was pretty ugly, he was very mentally abusive, and pretty much just ignored our daughter.  Until, of course, I left him ~ then he wanted to use her as a “tool“.  Anyway, long story short, after our divorce (and actually before)  My daughter went everywhere with me.  The grocery store, Wal-mart, the mall, out to eat, for rides in the country to just get away, I mean everywhere.  She’s always been my little side kick.  My Mini-me if you will.  And when I’ve gone through emotional times, she always knows how to cheer me up.  Which brings me to my question, do any of you have that relationship with your daughter/son?  And is it working?  I’ve always heard, especially from Nanny 911, that you can’t have the friend relationship with your child, you must be the parent first.  Although, I always thought of my mommy as one of my best friends.

      By the way, my daughter says that we are the family that could break down nanny 911 ~ lol.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Loris0110 wrote Oct 25, 2008
        • I have a 15 year old and a 22 year old daughters.  The oldest is out of the house living on her own, but we are still close.  My youngest was born after her father and I decided to call it quits.  She has always lived with me, and we are very very close.  We still have some of those “teenage” moments where she gets upset with me for asking questions...god forbid....but she is a beautiful child who knows how much I do for her and actually thanks me!  I think you can be friends with your children...it certainly beats the alternative!



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          Coffeejoan wrote Oct 26, 2008
        • My daughter (25) and I are best friends now.  But, I always struggled with this as she grew up.  I always knew it couldn’t be a “friendship” while she was going through those formative years, pre-teen years were the worst.  She  wanted me near, but not seen as too close in public!  

          My advice...set boundaries, be supportive & understanding especially during those first years of puberty, but... be the parent.  My daughter has thanked me numerous times especially after she sees mother/daughter struggles in public. She even said “thanks for not letting me be a brat“!  

          Somehow, you must “let them go” as they mature...I feel it has paid off...my beautiful, newly married baby-girl is my best friend!



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          Tuliplady wrote Oct 27, 2008
        • My oldest daughter was my constant companion when she was little.  I was a stay at home mom for the most part and couldn’t ever afford a sitter, so she went with my anywhere and everywhere I went.  Then came school and some really rough tween years where we could barely get along.  She’s turning 21 this week and I have to say we are now really close friends.  Not best friends though.

          I have a step-daughter who is 25.  I married her dad at a time in her life when she thought she was past the need for a mother and so we were friends first, and now although she doesn’t call me “mom” when she’s talking to me, she refers to me as “my mom” when she’s talking to her friends.

          I’ve also had some really great role models in my life too.  My mom and her mom were best friends.  When my grandmother passed away, my mom not only lost a parent but her best friend.



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          Farmmom wrote Jan 25, 2009
        • coffejoan took the words right out of my mouth.  Your daughter doesn’t need more friends, she needs a mother.  You can be close and have a special relationship, but she needs to have friendship with her peers.  Beleive me, there will be plenty of time to be friends when she is grown.

          My 23 yo daughter is one of my best friends now that she is out on her own.  We truly enjoy spending time together.  She needed me to be her mom when she was growing up, so that she could be the wonderful person that she is today.



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          Martinilush wrote Jan 25, 2009
        • Well, I am not sure how I feel about this yet! My son is only 5, but he does pretty much go everywhere with me and his father. We do get a sitter once in a while, but we both genuinely enjoy his company and want him to feel comfortable being around us and telling us anything.  

          That said, I think that coffejoan is right here. There must be some boundary when they are growing up - you are there to guide them and be tough if you have to be to keep them on the right path until they get through those formative years.  

          Who knows how I will feel about these things as my son gets older, but for sure parenting is an adventure!estatic



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