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  • Mother of the Bride

    6 posts, 6 voices, 998 views, started Oct 20, 2008

    Posted on Monday, October 20, 2008 by Gabbycal

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    • Amethyst
      Offline

      My daughter got engaged last summer. My husband and I offered to pay for a nice wedding. Daughter and fiance seem to think they are supposed to make all the wedding decisions without any input from us. Fiance wants far more input than I traditionally thought fell to the groom. To give you an idea, he’s disappointed want to have the wedding here where we, the bride and he all live. He wanted to have it in his home town which is out of state. (But we would host and pay.)

      Bride is overly stressed out and doesn’t seem to know where to start. Only that she doesn’t want any help from mom. I’ve taken her out to lunch/dinner, bought her books and wedding planning tools, etc.  

      If anyone has any advice from their own experiences, I’m interested in hearing from you.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Coachmombabe wrote Oct 20, 2008
        • Our daughter got married about 3 years ago. We have a great relationship, so of course, I thought this wedding planning thing would be a blast! NOT! When she asked what I thought about something I was always honest and told her. Well, that was not a good plan. So after getting my head bitten off a couple of times, I decided what I thought was not important. After all, it was her wedding and I wanted to preserve our relationship. So, from that point on my response was “Honey, if you like it, it will be great!“. Everything else was a piece of cake. No pun intended!

          My advice, relax. And maybe urge her to visit www.theknot.com.

          Oh, and congratulations, Mom!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Cassandra wrote Nov 14, 2008
        • I don’t have any kids , but I did plan and pay for my own wedding .I waited till 38 to get married , I guess it just took that long .
          I had a great time planning my wedding and my mom said its your day so your should have what you like .We put together many different traditions from our cultures and it worked out wonderfully .
          It is daunting at first so many things to think about . You are being supportive and giving her lots of great tools . I think you are doing the right thing .
          I do think it’s great that the groom want’s to be a part of the planning it’s his day too . I think also many brides get stressed out because they want it all to be perfect if you let that go you will find it all comes together and you have a wonderful day .
          I have helped alot of friends with there weddings, Im not a wedding coordinator but I am costumer for film and TV and have planned alot of parties .
          Send me a message on my page if you would like any help or an ear to bend . I live in the area . Congratulations .
          Cheers,
          Cassandra~



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Moonbeam2829 wrote Nov 14, 2008
        • Brides and their mothers, always an interesting combination. My husband and I have been in the catering business for over 30 years and have dealt with well over 2000 brides. In the beginning it was always the bride and her mom that planned the whole wedding. Often we never seen or heard from the father-of-the bride or the groom until the wedding day. But things have changed so much in the past 10 years. We see more and more of the groom and less and less of the MOB. Grooms are very involved with all aspects of the wedding planning; from invitations, to receptions and beyond, grooms have a lot more input than ever before. One piece of advice I have always given the parents of both the bride and groom; give them a budget right away and make it clear that whatever does not fit in the budget, they must either pay for themselves or give it up. It helps solve a lot of problems and stress. Money always seems to be the underlying cause of most of the arguments in the planning process. It might also eliminate your future son-in-laws’ desire to have the wedding in his hometown. The cost of travel/accommodations for anyone you would need to pay for will have to come out of that budget. Perhaps once that cost is calculated he will see that there is not enough left in the budget to have the wedding of their dreams. Hope that helps. By the way,  theknot.com, brides.com and theweddingchannel.com all are great websites for wedding planning. Good luck and keep a sense of humor...I hope I can follow my own advice. We just learned that the first of our 5 children (a daughter too) will be getting married in 2010!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          10florence wrote Feb 9, 2009
        • Hi there! How’s the planning going! Not sure when your daughter’s special day is, the the only advise I can give is to relax, support, and compliment all her ideas.  Any ideas you have give them and forget them, she’ll pick up on the ones that are important to her and her new husband, after all it is their special day.  I went through this with two daughters, that in alot of ways, are just like me, very independent and know what they like.  Most girls dream of their special day and already have pre-concieved ideas of what they want it to be like.  I just sat back, and let them take the wheel, it definitely made the whole process  more fun!  The day was beautiful and so were they.  Since both girls and their husbands-to-be had good jobs, they gave us an amount they wanted to spend and we split in  1/3’s, husband to be put in 1/3, my daughter’s put in 1/3, and we put in 1/3. All deposits were put down by them, which made their commentment more real. Marriage is about working together, and it’s never too early to start.  The wedding is their first attempt at that and if they invest as much as we do, less chance of making frivolous decisions.  It seemed to work, we all are still really good friends and when we talk about the weddings it’s with smiles, and great memories, it was a blast.  Not to say, there weren’t a few stressful times, but they were the same ones every couple go through, either makes them stronger or see things differently.



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