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  • My daughter wants to live with her grandparents!

    9 posts, 5 voices, 8088 views, started Feb 23, 2009

    Posted on Monday, February 23, 2009

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    • inactive
      Amethyst
      Offline

      Ok, kind of a long story, please bare with me as I REALLY NEED ADVISE!

      In summer 2007, I sent my twin daughters to go and live with my parents.  I am bipolar and I got really sick, however, I could not get my doctor to hospitalize me, so I spent 2 months in bed after I sent the girls to live w/ my parents.  I gave my parents a temporary guardianship paper signed by me that gave them the right to make school and medical decisions for the girls.

      My parents do not understand my illness and have since stopped talking to me except for the often nasty emails that I get from my step-father regarding communication about the children.  However, he always has to be unpleasent.  I have tried to tell them that we all need to be adults for the sake of the children and that them being negative and not talking to me is not in the best interest of the children.  This fell on deaf ears.

      So, I started to get better and started seeing my girls again, and now I have them about 50% of the time.  I allowed them to stay with my parents this school year so that they could graduate with the same kids that they have been with since kindergarden.  They are suppose to come back to me full time in May.

      Here is the problem:  my daughter told me yesterday(while she was sobbing) that she doesn’t want to leave my parents house to come and live with me.   She wants things to stay the way that they are now and continue to live with my parents.  I don’t understand???  We get along well, we are close and we love eachother........why does she want to do this?  Does this make me a bad mother?  Should I have not let them live with my parents?  Does she not love me?  These are all the thoughts that are going through my head as my heart is breaking.

      I love her so much and I don't know what to do.  I want her to be happy.  So, do I sacrifice my heart to let her live w/ them? Or do I force her to come and live with me? What would you do if you were in my shoes.  I feel so lost, so numb.........please help me.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Feb 23, 2009
        • I was raised by my grandmother.  I love my mother.  My mother even had a bigger house, bigger play ground as such.  However, I liked the neighbors and my school by grandma’ plus I like to be spoiled by my grandparents of being the only grand kid living with her.  Seeing my mother once a week or talking on the phone with her daily was great.  I also have a sister and brother.  They were with my mother.  So to live with my parents, I would not be spoiled as much.  Call me rotten, yes I was spoiled.  

          You situation may be different.  I don’t think you should take it personally.  Sometimes, it is the change that scare kids and adults.  Once it feels comfortable, it is hard or have resentment in changing.  

          Perhaps a talk with your children may clear the air.  

          Remember my husband is bipolar and I understand.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Yana Berlin wrote Feb 23, 2009
        • Teens sometimes shy away from parents and want to be with other family members, as hard as it may be for you forcing isn’t always a best solution.

          I agree with CD, talk to her, tell her you love her and how you feel, and when she is ready to come back to you the doors will be open at all hours.

          hang in there, big hugs.

          Here is the Fab40 group on Facebook:

          http://www.facebook.com/group.php?sid=202f9eb6a657bb49d62f73696455c27a&gid=29030771081



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Yana Berlin wrote Feb 23, 2009
        • I know, and twins don’t like to be apart estatic let her be, she’ll be back before you know it.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Feb 23, 2009
        • Twins something actually want to develop their own identity especially around that age.  That may be another reason that she rather pulls away from her twin sister.  

          I agreed with Yana, talk to her, ask her what’s her like and dislike by living with Grandma.  Then gradually move into the conversation about like and dislike if move in with you.  Hear from them - sometimes they do not have the logic and we parents are here to guide them to think and not to think out for them... they are in adolescent.  Give them some credits for being there.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Anonymous wrote Dec 21, 2011
        • I totally feel your pain Amethyst. I had my daughter when I was 17 and lived with my parents for the first 2 years of her life. Her dad was never in the picture so my parents took on his role and also still let me be a teenager and finish school. When Kaylee was two we moved right next door to my parents. I was pregnant with my 2nd child and was engaged. She always was back and fourth from my place to my parents. We lived there for about 5 years. Within that 5 years I had another child. The last year we lived there, I let my daughter go right next door and live because it was getting cramped in that small house and she wanted her own space. So we bought a huge house right down the street. I didnt want to take her too far away from them since they are a big part in her life. She moved into the new house with me and my other two children and my finacee. She had a hard time so I let her go back and fourth when she wanted. We have lived here for 4 years. Within that time my finacee and I had some issues, so I let my daughter go back and live with my parents. Now everything is good here at home and I want her to come back home, but she doesnt want to now. She is content, spolied, and the only child over there so she doesnt have to share anyone or anything. Plus she is alost 13 and has control of my parents. I wanted to fight for her to come back, but I just kept thinking shes happy, Im doing this for her and not me. I dont wanna be selfish and keep her somewhere she really dont wanna be. I lover her that much! It hurts me but I still see or talk to her almost everyday. It is what it is. Good luck with you.



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