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  • My husband doesn't pick up after himself...

    31 posts, 20 voices, 7188 views, started Oct 1, 2008

    Posted on Wednesday, October 1, 2008 by Sheila Mitchell

    •  



    • Aquamarine
      Offline

      Ok ladies....now don’t get me wrong, I love my husband, but he doesn’t pick up after himself and it drives me crazy. He takes his socks and shoes off in the kitchen, he leaves his shirt draped over the couch, his pants in the laundry room (he gets 10 points for that one). He leaves often leaves his plate on the coffee table and trust me, I’ve left it there for 2 days, then got tired of looking at it and decided to pick it up myself. It is so frustrating...

      Sheila~



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          Cheryl Guy wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • I feel your pain. I have the same problem x3! I also have two sons that do the same crap! I wonder where they learned it from huh?!? I just took a peek around my house and found shoes on the pool table, a school shirt in the office, clothes on the bathroom floor, and a pair of socks on the garage floor! My husband also leaves a collection of water glasses on the bathroom counter. He somehow finds his legs to get the water but can’t find them to walk the glasses back to the kitchen!



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          Cynthia Schmidt wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • Sheila, my first husband was exactly the same way. I started using humor to combat the problem and it actually worked. I got tired of tripping on his shoes, I put them in his pillow case, He insisted that taking out the trash was his job and then never did it, I put the garbage bag in his car with a seatbelt around it, he wouldn’t take his belt off his pants before putting them in the laundry room, I washed his pants with the belt still on them, when he continually piled dirty glasses and plates in the sink instead of just dropping them in the dishwasher, I told him he had to take me out to dinner because I couldn’t find the sink to wash the salad greens. I know I was taking a chance of making him angry but it made him laugh and he actually changed!



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          Alice Garza wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • I wonder if all women are in that boat. My husband says that it is my job to make sure there is soap in the shower.
          Can you believe that? He will not even get under the sink and get a bar for himself. I use Dove shower gel and therefore do not need to get a bar of soap. It is so frustrating. But as far as picking up after himself he is good about that, but will not carry his dinner plate to the sink, he will go to the sink and rinse his glass out. I just don’t get it. I have been married to him for 29 years and I love him dearly but come on now....I don’t want to nag him so I guess I’ll just leave the plate dirty and insist he take me to dinner cause the dishes are dirty. I wonder if that will make him laugh....



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          Rene' Grandon wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • Hey Girls,

          I think we all have issues with the hubs in our lives. I love mine too. But apparently when the class was taught on how to replace the toilet paper holder he was absent. My husband was a surfer when I met him as I guess that particular task was wiped OUT!!! Just pull it out, put new papaer in and replace. Babe it is not rocket science!!!
          Yes, the dinner plate and even the take out tash is an issue too.  

          Chocolatier, I love your solutions!



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          Cokili wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • We moved from 1 bdr apt to 2 bdr because he works from home and I was sick of stepping on his computer parts, work papers and million cables that he'd leave on the floor. Living room was partially used as his "office". He now has office but his stuff still ends up everywhere. We have 7 month old baby but I feel like I have 2 babies. Few weeks ago I got so mad and put all his stuff in one huge box.



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          Jen Owens wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • Sounds like we are married to the same guy! Mine is exactly the same, and when I say something to him, it’s like he goes out of his way to make sure he doesn’t change a thing. When I see the plate or the shoes, I sigh, look at him - he looks right back like “what?“. Are they really clueless?



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          Alice Garza wrote Oct 2, 2008
        • Our hubbies, God Bless them.



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          Meshell Forest wrote Oct 2, 2008
        • Ahhh, Mine does this too, except if any of the dogs or cats or kids or ME, is anywhere in sight, he will take off his socks and throw them at us.  His Shoes stay where ever he takes them off.  

          Our boys do the same thing, altho... I do try to stay after them to pick up after themselves.  

          Men—-ghesh !!!!



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          Bobbiann2 wrote Oct 2, 2008
        • I am at war with my family right now. I have 3 children, ages 17, 13 and 5. I give fairly simple chores for the older ones to do (put away dry dishes before I get home from work so that I have a clean sink to use while cooking dinner) and take out trash, and keep their rooms clean, etc. I am so tired of begging my children to do these things—they roll their eyes at me in disrespect. Sometimes they do the chores, sometimes they don’t. Their rooms are filthy—you cannot see the floor. No matter how many times I tell them that eating in their rooms is not allowed, there are always plates and bowls in there from some snack or meal that they have smuggled. I am afraid that we will soon be infested with bugs. I have tried every approach, which eventually leads to anger.  

          I thought that teaching your children to help around the house was supposed to make them better people, but all it does in my house is make them hate me. I am so tired of being hated, and not being supported by my husband on this that I got so upset the other night and really exploded at everyone. I truly thought about moving out. I fantasize about living alone in a neat, orderly, spotless apartment.

          This “helping around the house” issue is causing problems with my children, and in my marriage. I am at my wits end. I work full time, volunteer in my kids’ schools, cook dinner for 5 every night of the week and clean the entire house by myself. I am always cranky and exhausted. I am beginning to resent my children (just the older ones) and my husband. I have no patience left for my younger daughter. The situation is really bad...I would appreciate any advice.



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          Ms-kay wrote Oct 2, 2008
        • Men, who are lazy are, usually, too comfortable in their relationships.  We give our all to our partner. We love him so much, that we will do anything, and everything, to make his life comfortable.  

          Most women are natural nurturers. Caring, and helping others, is part of their makeup. Unfortunately, if your partner is unmotivated and helpless, with regard to tackling jobs around the house or problems that arise, then he will look to you to do all these things for him. You, being the caring and loving person you are, will respond by finding alternative options to handling these issues. You are not doing him, or yourself, any favors by continuing this particular strategy. Essentially you are making it ok for him to stay as he is.

          Your man is in a comfort zone, and abusing his position, and you are the one who is keeping him there! You have to make sure he realizes that you are not a 'push over.' He needs to understand that you cannot, and will not, continue to live in this way! You need to rattle his cage and wake the lion up! How can you do that? It is possible to change your partner by changing the way you handle yourself, your behavior, your reactions and in the situations that come up.



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          Cynthia Schmidt wrote Oct 2, 2008
        • As I read the comments since I’ve been in this topic last, the word that keeps coming up for me is respect. I am a very nurturing person. I’m a good listener, I am intuitive to the needs of others, I treat others with respect.

          That’s the way my marriage started. My husband thought he’d died and gone to heaven when we married. He used to tell me all the time how much he appreciated me and how grateful he was to have me in his life.

          Then complacency set in.

          What I’ve been experiencing now is expectation. I set the tone early on and now when I’m not quite as attentive, when I don’t feel like always cleaning this monstrosity of a house, when I wish he’d do his own laundry once in awhile I get the blank stare and the “what’s gotten into you” comments. I put us in this frame of mind, I’ve now go to get us out of it.

          I’m going to quote Dr. Phil, which kind of makes me cringe since I’m not a fan of his, but he is known to say, “we teach others how to treat us.” So this is another way to repeat what Ms Kay just said. And it makes sense I believe.



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          Shopgirl1960 wrote Nov 1, 2008
        • I know this is farrrrrrrrr fetched but one of my clients would do things to get even, without his knowledge. She would put dirty socks in his pillow case, or hang his underwear outside until they got stiff to make them itchy. Ha Ha  

          I am betting there are things that DO matter to HIM, and so I think I might make sure his clothes have wrinkles, or don’t SMELL especially clean. ( LOL LOL) *I cracked myself up on that one. Imagine him sniffing his clothes all day.
          There has to be things that are priority to him that... Just say... your sorry... you just didn’t notice that those things were important to him. Afterall, not much is asked from a woman... just a little common courtesy. Just as HE DOES expect from you! WE just deliver.

          I did get lucky this time girls and so I can’t complain,,, but I sure can help you all come up with ways to make him
          THINK!!! Ha Ha



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          Shopgirl1960 wrote Nov 1, 2008
        • Chocolatier, your post about your first husband was great reading~!!!! Hilarious, and what a gal you are!!!!



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          Shopgirl1960 wrote Nov 1, 2008
        • Texastwin, I bet you can come up with some REALLY creative things to do with those socks and shoes. And a REALLY good one for the plate he leaves. Girls,,, let’s give her some of our own creative ideas!  

          I will have to think of some myself. lol



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          Cynthia Schmidt wrote Nov 1, 2008
        • Thanks, Shopgirl for your comments. I honestly had to use a sense of humor to keep from going insane in the marriage!

          I just came off of a vacation with my husband and he plopped down on the couch while I did all the laundry and cleaned the house of all the dirt his daughter left when she stayed here for the 2 weeks. I love my stepdaughter but, goodness, pick up a broom now and then!

          Honestly sometimes I think I don’t need a husband, I need a wife!



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          Shopgirl1960 wrote Nov 1, 2008
        • OOooooooooooohhhh wouldn’t that be SOOOOooo nice to have a wife!!!!  Awwww,,, just the thought makes me smile. lol



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          Michelle Rowe wrote Nov 2, 2008
        • You‘re speaking to the choir. Refer to my “trash” blog.



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          Gokittengo wrote Nov 2, 2008
        • Thinking of this gives me the slightest tingle of a headache - Exster would, ahem, cut his nails in the living room over a little trash can while watching television, and missed most of the time.  Don’t get me started on the dental floss.  LOL!  (I can laugh now!)



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Elizabeth Wilkinson wrote Nov 2, 2008
        • Bobbiann2, It is how as chocolatier said. We teach others how to treat us.
          I have 4 girls and a step son. They are all adult age now but, I have taught them how to clean as you did when they were younger and I was so busi with the time cleaning and cooking and sewing and picking up, dropping off that I did not do a thing for myself.
          When I started to work so that I had money and made friends doing Avon, it gave me less time for the clean up of them and they saw how neat and organized I was. I also had to ask them, not tell, ask them to clean this or do that, so we could do what we like when I came home.
          They then had gained more respect for me and the house when I respected myself and did somethings for me.
          When I go out with the children they are good.Especially when they go out without me they help others clean their rooms or houses for thier mom. But when they go out with me and my spouse they are not as good.



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          Humming1975bird wrote Jan 10, 2009
        • Yes, it sounds like we are all married to the same man.  I’ve been picking up socks in the living room, water glassed in the bedroom, shoes everywhere, items in my kitchen that should have stayed in the garage, nail clippings (that is the worst)all these things for 29 years now.

          My kids did the eye rolling thing and still do (they were just home for the holidays), but I do occasionally here from my daughter now comments about my nice, clean house.  Now that they are out on their own I think they finally get the idea.  My son as had various roommates through college and he always ended up being the clean up guy.  He lives alone now and though his place is not spotless it is livable.  I guess this mom is finally getting the satisfaction from all those years of yelling, screaming and begging for someone to help.  The husband on the other hand is just too old to be trained!!!



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          Denise Richardson wrote Jan 10, 2009
        • Girrrrrrrrrl join the club. My hubby is such the pack rat just like his junky mother, her house is so cluttered with junk. You should see his desk you can't even see the computer for the junk stacked on it, my daughter just came over the other day and left him a large note attached to his screen telling him to clean it off because it made the room look bad. Did he comply? Hell to the Naw He gets on my last nerves with his junk so I just wait till I can't take it any longer and when I do my deep cleaning I toss stuff out with notice first, but he drives me insane with his junky habits too. I'm so glad I don't have to share my laptop with him lol.



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          Brooksiegirl wrote Sep 16, 2009
        • Ok...this is my favorite. I walk into the kitchen and see an empty coke can sitting on the counter which is right next to the trash can. I mean the trash can is actually pushed up against the counter the can is sitting on. grrrr. I love him with all my heart but come on!



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          Brooksiegirl wrote Sep 16, 2009
        • I know this is an old thread but I had to share estatic



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          Angelcart wrote Sep 16, 2009
        • Wow, I guess I’m lucky!  My husband is really good about picking up AND cleaning too!  He vacuumes more than me.happy



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          Brooksiegirl wrote Sep 16, 2009
        • I wish I had the answer Kanani.



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          Frannie1964 wrote Sep 16, 2009
        • Let see, my hubby has 2 laundry hampers In the bedroom right where he can see them In plain sight but yet his dirty clothes seem to end up on the floor either next to the hampers or on his side of the bed. He leaves his dirty dishes on top of the counter by the sink Instead of putting them In the sink. Am I missing something? Hes so close yet so far...lol  Don’t even get me started on the trash..Yeesh! I have to let him know each time that the trash is over flowing, Time to take It out, most of the time I even put It outside by the gate so on his way out he can drop It In the trash can. NOPE! wishful thinking I guess. I have let all these bad habits go but I can only take so much of looking at the mess so I end up cleaning It all. BUT! If theres one little smell In the house that he can sniff out, Heaven forbid I get a lecture that the house smellsohhhh What the hell. I’m lost!



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          Rene' Grandon wrote Sep 17, 2009
        • Ms V,

           At least the clothes or in mycase the towels make it out of the dryer. I must admitt now that he has 2 days off during the week,he does clean on either thrusday or friday.
          He dusts,washes,swiffer mops,stream mops hard wood,clean bathrooms sometimes. So now he has been doing this I have chilled about annoying things he occasionaly does shoes and shoes,and clothes left different parts of the house. I still have to clean off the bar in the kitchen. That drives me nuts first thing you see when you come into main part of house. apparently it took empty nest coming about and now he has become a house cleaner. Sooo nice I must admit!! I love him dearly put we all drive each other a little nuts we all must admit!

          Ciao,
          Bella



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          Brooksiegirl wrote Sep 17, 2009
        • Frannie it looks like we are dealing with the same weird phenomenon. Men can be very interesting, yet irritating beings.



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