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  • My Story

    31 posts, 9 voices, 1016 views, started Sep 14, 2008

    Posted on Sunday, September 14, 2008

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      Amethyst
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      I had my first child at age 37 who was conceived on the first try—-5 months after I was married. I started trying for our second at age 38 when my son was only 10 months thinking that it may take 3-9 months since I was older...and quite frankly....incredibly and unbelievably lucky w/ my first. Since that time...I have been TTC (trying to conceive) for 3 years...one year on our own and 2 years with LOTS OF HELP from a fertility specilist. I either didnt succeed or else....got pregnant only to miscarry....that happened 3 times. It has been a tough road to say the least. I will be doing a FET (frozen embryo transfer) this fall and if not successful...we will adopt internationally. (I was adopted and always wanted to adopt....adoption, however, is also quite a tough journey for many reasons I wont get into here) I am a determined woman and love children and will complete our family one way or another. I welcome anyone who wants to share their story or discuss anything related to TTC over 40!



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          Momwtwins2 wrote Sep 15, 2008
        • We married in April 1999 and by November that year we started “trying“. November 2000 we stated with the infertility treatments. 1st pills, then 3 IUI’s, 2 IVF, then our last shot and a loan from the bank ICS & IVF. We got pregnant what they thought was 3 babies but ended up twins! At the age 37. Never truly found out what the problems was all they can come up with that my eggs where old. When I turned 40 I got preg. on our own and was thrilled but M/C in my 14th week. We where both sad but in a way it was nice to know I could have gotten preg on our own. If you can adopt go for it many of my friend have! Best to you and your family.



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          Jenduck66 wrote Sep 20, 2008
        • Infertility is such a physical and emotional rollercoaster!! I’m 41 and will be 42 in Dec...I just had my 4th M/C in July. We have been to infertilty Dr’s and that’s what they say “It’s all about the egg!!” We have been tested for everything even down to our DNA!!  

             I got pregnant the first time at 37 and M/C spontaneously at 8 weeks and all the Dr could say was “Oh 1 in 4 women will M/C” Then I got pregnant again at 39 and everything was fine until 10 weeks, the baby had a Cystic Hygroma(fluid around the neck and spine area)on the US!! A week later I was getting ready to have a CVS and the US showed the HB had stopped, the next day, I had a D&C and they sent the baby out for DNA testing and it came back that it was a girl with Turner’s Syndrome, a chromosomal abnormality!!  

             Well about a year later I was pregnant again at 40!! So off we go in for our first US, lay on the table, my heart pounding out of my chest and I close my eyes because I’m so afraid to look at the screen and their was silence!! It was happening again, the sheer shock and disappointment filled my soul, I had a Blighted Ovum!! The sac was there but no baby!! The Dr sent me home with Cytotec to M/C naturally which was a nightmare!! You actually go into a mini labor a couple of hours after you take these pills!!    

             So that is when we went to the Infertilty Dr and he put Me and my husband through a battery of blood tests which were inconclusive!! “Unexplained infertility” another words “Old Age” LOL!! We did do one round of IUI with injectables and I stimmed 5 eggs, YES...5 count them for a 40 year old!! It was unsuccessful, come to find out my husband’s sperm count and motility were low!! He had normal sperm counts in the past so off to the Urologist he went to figure out why his sperm count/motility had dropped so low!! They put him on a very low dose of Clomid!! Yes what women take for infertility and low and behold within a month of taking it, I was pregnant again!! Everything was going great, HSG was doubling every other day and going way up, got to 12,000!! However, I went in for a 5 week US and they couldn’t see anything at all so the Dr said “Come back in a week” So a week later, we‘re back and the US showed there was a sac and fetal pole now but no heartbeat yet!! Dr said not to worry, it was just too early so we waited till 8 weeks and still no heartbeat and the sac was still measuring 6 weeks so I knew I was going to M/C again!! And within about 3 weeks of emotional torture I started bleeding and M/C...So that is my emotional rollercoaster of trying to have a baby...We have looked into adoption but my husband isn’t there yet and it is a very long and very expensive process!! So we just keep trying, I guess that’s the FUN part right!! :) So thanks for listening to my story and I wish everyone trying to have a baby the best of luck~Sticky Vibes!! JENNY



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          Jenduck66 wrote Sep 20, 2008
        • Hi Nancy~Thank You for your support...I really think it helps to talk to women who have been through a M/C!! I wish you the best of luck with your FET. We were getting ready to do a round of IVF when I got pregnant the last time!! How many eggs do you have frozen?! We haven’t been back to the Infertilty Dr yet, taking a a break from it all. With your 3 M/C, did you do IUI and/or IVF and then go on to M/C?!



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          Jenduck66 wrote Sep 20, 2008
        • Oh Nancy...YOU have been through so much...Infertilty tx as you know is so hard and the fact that you went through all that and M/C’d must be devasting for YOU!! I can’t even imagine, I will hope and pray for you that the one egg will implant and YOU will be pregnant and everything will be wonderful!! How stressful for YOU and your husband!! You said you’ve looked in adoption and the fact that you were adopted also...It is so expensive and I have a hard time paying $25,000 for a baby but you have probably already spent that much in infertility txs!! Are you getting ready to do your FET soon?! Please keep Me posted...JENNY :)



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          Jenduck66 wrote Sep 21, 2008
        • Good morning NancyThat doesn't sound strange at all that you know the embryo is a boy, that sounds wonderful!! Why do you have to keep paying for the D&C's out of pocket, your insurance doesn't cover it?! I only had one and it cost about $8000 but insurance(BCBS) covered all of it!! Which I think is just so backwards that they won't cover infertility but they cover D&C's!! Will they do ICSI with the FET...I have heard great success' with that procedure!! You got alot of eggs 15, were you 40 yet when they got that many?! I was happy to get more than one at 40!! LOL!! I hope your appointment tomorrow goes well, please keep Me posted...Have a good dayJENNY :)



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          Nadine Laratte-Belk wrote Sep 22, 2008
        • This is directed to both Jenny and Nancy.  It breaks my heart to read about your struggles and I can relate full heartedly.  About four years ago I was blessed to have finally gotten pregnant on our own after several miscarriages secondary to chromosomal abnormalities.  The biggest heartbreak was having to induce a fully healthy pregnancy at 22 weeks because my “bag of water” had broken and infection started to put my own life at risk.  The sac became exposed because of an incompatant cervix.  I can not tell you how helpless I felt and how devastating it was for me and my husband to hold our son and watch him die because he was too small for life support. Some people can grieve for a short period of time and then “jump back on the bandwagon” and try again.  It took me two years before agreeing to visit an infertility  doctor.  The appointment went well and was given clomid to prep for several diagnostic tests.  Finished the cycle of clomid, and we went on vacation.  Returned from vacation, went to scheduled doctors appointment to have U/S of pelvis and abdomen done and was surprised to see fetal pole and heartbeat instead.  This pregnancy was a welcome site but at the same time a very stressful and anxiety filled.  Every day was greeted with the unspoken thought of “could this be the end.”  To make a long story short, I struggled through this pregnancy for 30 weeks.  Delivered prematurely a 3 pound baby boy who spent his first nine weeks of life in the hospital.  Now he’s a thriving 19 month old.  My reason for telling you my story is to let you know that God works in mysterious ways.  Try to relax and place your passion for a child in the back of your mind for a little bit. I know, “easier said than done!”  I’m not saying this lightly.  After 6 years of “trying” accompanied by five miscarriages and one devastating loss, at 40 years of age, I’m a mother.  This was something I had basically scratched off my list.  So, to the both of you, I have no doubt in my mind that you two will be mothers too.  Let God work His miracles and when you least expect it, you will be blessed with the unexpected.  One thing we may all have in common is that we may never have the multitude of children we dreamed of when we were younger (for me that would be six), but just one will definitely fill that void.  Both of you are in my prayers.  Nadine



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          Jenduck66 wrote Sep 22, 2008
        • Hi NadineTHANK YOU for your support and prayers!! I think STRESS has alot to do with Me and my M/C's along with my "Old" eggs but there has to be at least one good one left!! I can't even imagine what YOU went through at 22 weeks...You'd have to put Me away!! But there is a Happy ending to your story, you have a beautiful baby boy...Hopefully some day I will have a Happy ending too!! I called my husband at work not too long ago and said we need to take a Vacation!! Hope you have a good weekJENNY :)



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          Tamfowler wrote Sep 22, 2008
        • Hi Ladies:

          I just wanted to take a moment to say how strong you guys are and how much it helps for me to read your posts.  My story is not nearly as complicated...yet it seems to never get any better.  I got married (finally) at the age of 38 to a wonderful man that I couldn’t “wait” to have lots of babies with.  Okay, so I was just hoping for one.  It never occurred to me that I’d have ZERO possibility of getting pregnant.  I found out the week of our marriage (June ‘05) that I was in full blown menopause.  I knew I had a couple of spotty periods..but I had no idea that I’d be “done” at the age of 38.  Since our options were so limited we chose FET with donated embryos.  We went through all the testing, the finances, etc.  We were finally chosen by two sweet couples last year. The couple we chose had 6 viable embryos that we could adopt.  I was thrilled...finally..an answer..a hope.  So, you can imagine my devastation when my sweet husband owned up to the fact that he didn’t think he could go through with it.  He now thinks he doesn’t think he can raise a non-biological child.  So, we’ve looked at adoption..but that’s not going well either.  Get this...he actually (bless his heart) bought me a puppy for my birthday.  Gotta love a well intentioned man.  

          So, I know it’s not struggling with infertility per se, but it does help hear that other folks have worked it out.  Our marriage (and my mental state) are really taking a beating.

          Thanks for listening...Tamara



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          Jenduck66 wrote Sep 22, 2008
        • Hi Tamara~Some MEN have a hard time with Adoption and the baby not being “biologically theirs!!” We have also checked into Adoption and I have actually spoken with 2 Agencies. If it was up to Me, we’d start the adoption process tomorrow but my husband feels the same way yours does, he’s not there yet and he knows I can get pregnant!! Sometimes I look at him and think how can you let Me go through another M/C, he’s seen Me in the pain with the past 2!! Maybe he’ll get a BIG kidney stone and then he’ll know the pain!! Isn’t that awful!! LOL!!  

          Anyway, infertiltiy does put a strain on your marriage and of course, your SEX Life...Spontanous, what’s that?! It’s more like “Come on Honey I’m ovulating today!!” So I hope your husband will come around and you will be able to do the FET, I didn’t realize you had to be chosen by the donors!! We opted not to do donor eggs because I knew I could get pregnant and I did the last time as we were getting ready to start our first IVF cycle!! However, the thought of donor eggs sounds very appealing to Me now...You don’t have to go through the injections just the progesterone injections and the egg retreival either just the implantation, which you don’t have to be put to sleep for!! The first time we met with our new Infertilty Dr, he looked at Me and my history and said “Donor Eggs” is the way to go at my age!! Well, keep Me posted...Have a great week~JENNY :)



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          Rachelle wrote Sep 22, 2008
        • Your stories are all so amazing!!  My heart goes out to you all!!  I have had my share of failed pregnancies but I have also been blessed with children.  I have just recently gotten remarried and we would love a chance to have a child together.



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          Tamfowler wrote Sep 22, 2008
        • Jenny:

          You hang in there.  Maybe we should send our husbands on vacation and we’ll adopt while they‘re gone!  The funny thing is, my husband is the first person to pick up a stray dog/cat/rabbit whatever.  We now have six kitties, a dog, a possum and a baby deer that we’ve hand fed for two years now.  I have a friend that has put us in touch with a foster agency (today, as a matter of fact).  My husband says that “that” sounds like something we “should” do.  Go figure.   So, it’s not ideal...but whatever it takes to have a family.  I’m open to it all!

          It’s been a eye-opening experience for all of us.  As for the donor eggs...yep, that is usually what they recommend after 40.  We waited for two years (mine where embryos), and we got matched with two couples and then they had to approve of us.  

          Good luck and keep us posted!!!!

          lol...kidney stone...that made me giggle!

          Tamara



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          Jenduck66 wrote Sep 25, 2008
        • NancyHow did your RE appt go?! I hope you have a good weekendJENNY :)



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          Jenduck66 wrote Sep 25, 2008
        • I am good...We‘re going to Niagara Falls Canada for a long weekend with my husband’s family!! It’ll be a quick trip, we fly out to NY tomorrow and back to NC Monday!! I will hope and pray that everything goes well for YOU...Are you doing accupuncture or anything to try and calm your stress?! Do you have to take progesterone shots for the next few days or will that be only after transfer?! I actually called my OGBYN and asked him if he could call in some birth control pills for a month or two so I can calm my stress level and take a break!! I just had my last M/C end of July beginning of August so I wanted to relax and not worry about getting pregnant right now...So keep me posted of your progress~JENNY :)

          !http://images.fabulously40.com/uploadedimage/1233/thumbx320/sticky[1].gif!  TO YOU!!


          Jenduck66, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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          Jenduck66 wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • Hi NancyHow are things with YOU?! I was thinking about YOU this weekendEmail when you can...Hope things are going well~JENNY :)



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          Jenduck66 wrote Oct 5, 2008
        • Hi Nancy~Our trip was good, quick and rainy but we still had FUN!! I wish you the best of luck this week with your FET and your adoption application!! When will you find out if you’ve been accepted?! I didn’t know they were putting a hold on Korean Adoptions!! Please keep Me posted and I will keep YOU in my thoughts and prayers...JENNY :)



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          Jenduck66 wrote Oct 10, 2008
        • Hi Nancy!! TGIF!! I’ve been thinking about YOU...How did it go yesterday?! Email when you feel up to it



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          Jenduck66 wrote Oct 17, 2008
        • Hi Nancy~I’ve been thinking about YOU all week...Soooo did you test yesterday and today?! I hope YOU got a BFP...Send me a private message if you like...JENNY :)



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          Miriam Ha wrote Dec 6, 2008
        • hi everyone. i was thrilled (and surprised to find out my then boyfriend and i were pregnant at 35.) we hadn’t planned, but were excited to find out we were expecting not one, but 2 bundles of joy- a boy and a girl! the pregnancy was smooth until week 19, when we found out that my daughter’s placenta wasn’t working as it should, and that in a number of weeks it would shut off completely and my little girl would be gone....my heart had never broken until the confirmation that her heart had stopped beating, and that she was indeed, gone. a few weeks later, my son delivered early, at 25 6/7 weeks, and spent an agonizing 3 months in the NICU. after nearly losing him once, and 2 surgeries later, he came home on an apnea monitor and  oxygen, which he had for his first year. nevertheless, my partner and I were thrilled to have our son home (if we couldn’t have both our babies).

          6 years later, my son is the busiest, smartest, funniest, strongest little boy. and my partner, now my husband, and I (at 41)are trying again. but it hasn’t been easy, and we are strongly considering domestic adoption. we’ve got a lot of love to share with a special little one, and a great big brother who’s waiting!



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