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  • Need advice single mom of 11 year old boy

    3 posts, 3 voices, 1798 views, started Jun 23, 2009

    Posted on Tuesday, June 23, 2009 by Traveldiva

    •  



    • Amethyst
      Offline

      Morning Everyone,

      I am a single mom of and 11 year old great boy, but he is going through that I am not little or big stage and I am tearing my hair out.

      Always upset for the slightest .. brush our teeth comment. I tried to get him into his favorite sport..bowling..and he was like nope..I want the summer off. I try not to tell him what to choose or enroll him in 10 things, but it is hard to watch him just sit around trying to figure it out. *with guidance that he is not aware of, of course. * *laughing*.

      So I am trying to figure out how to get him going, he quite band, he quit choir too. He didn’t want to take his favorite summer camps..and then when he decided it was all changed, same courses, much more expensive and I couldn’t do it.

      How does everyone get through the summer when all these special camps are sooooooooooo expensive.

      Looking forward to hearing from you all.

      TravelDiva



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Anne Lyken-Garner wrote Jun 25, 2009
        • You could talk to one of his former coaches. Think of one that he respected and was close to. Ask him/her if they could guide him and give him some encouragement from outside the home.

          Many times this kind of thing works for young people. I’ve had kids listen to me and talk to me because I’m in effect a stranger, someone who they have no ‘history’ with. Kids are more willing to take advice and yield to encouragment from another adult they respect rather than a parent.

          You don’t have to spend loads of money to do summer camps. Churches do them cheaply. Find out from your local library. They sometimes run free programmes (they do in the UK).

          A lot of times too, kids that age just want to stop doing structured activities and go for something more carefree and lazy. This is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s in this state of constructive freedom that they find what they love doing. As long as he’s supervised and you can sit with him and join in with some of his activities, this could be a turning point.

          Have him plan camping out in the back garden for a few nights. Have him put together a group of friends and plan transportation,  (of course you will drive) lunch etc to go out as a team. Many places do group discounts, so this could work out cheap for you and the other parents involved.

          Have him plan sleep overs etc. They cost no money, will keep him busy, and build up his confidence. I’ve told my 11 year old that the more she can show responsibility, the more freedom I’ll allow her. This seems to work in her case.  

          Hope this helps.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Whitney Donohue wrote Jul 30, 2009
        • I think he just needs to be made aware that if he chooses not to do something now, he can't change his mind right before or right after it starts. Tell him that these things cost money--or enroll him and make him pay the difference. But I wouldn't worry to much about him dropping things right now. If a year or more goes by and he doesn't want to participate in anything--they I would worry. But he probably does just need a break.

          It will get better. My son didn’t want to do anything for a while (except Scouts) and we let him drop it all (except Little League—but that is another story for another time). This year was his last for baseball, but he’s decided that he wants to umpire. And he applied for and got a position on the yearbook staff. And he willingly goes to all the other games and activities to support his friends.  

          And band at his school, while it’s an elective—it isn’t really. In 6th grade (last year) the elective choices are band, orchestra, or choir. In 7th grade (this fall!) he has 1 1/2 electives—the year electives still only being music.



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