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  • Old Age!

    8 posts, 8 voices, 535 views, started Jan 21, 2009

    Posted on Wednesday, January 21, 2009 by Mztracy


    • Turquoise


      Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
      ‘How old was your husband?’ ‘98,’ she replied.
      ‘Two years older than me’
      ‘So you‘re 96,’ the undertaker commented.
      She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?  


      Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
      ‘And what do you think is the best thing
      About being 104?’ the reporter asked.
      She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’  


      The nice thing about being senile is
      You can hide your own Easter eggs.


      I’ve sure gotten old!
      I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
      New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
      I’m half blind,
      Can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
      Take 40 different medications that
      Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
      Have bouts with dementia
      Have poor circulation;
      Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
      Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92.
      Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
      I still have my driver’s license.  


      I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
      So I got my doctor’s permission to
      Join a fitness club and start exercising.
      I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
      I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
      By the time I got my leotards on,
      The class was over.  


      My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
      Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.


      Know how to prevent sagging?
      Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.  




      It’s scary when you start making the same noises
      As your coffee maker.    




      These days about half the stuff
      In my shopping cart says,
      ’ For fast relief.’  




      Grant me the senility to forget the people
      I never liked anyway,
      The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
      The eyesight to tell the difference.  


      Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!


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