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  • Policies of Marriage

    23 posts, 12 voices, 697 views, started Jan 31, 2009

    Posted on Saturday, January 31, 2009

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    • inactive
      Carnelian
      Offline

      OK, I believe that when you get married, one of the greatest keys to success is that from that day forward you are always honest with one another.

      My question is about things that happened before you married, is honesty always the best policy?  

      When you have something sordid or regretful in your past, something that predates your relationship with your spouse, is telling him the right thing to do?  Is there a point?  Is it really for his own good that you tell, OR is it about absolution for your own soul?

      If your “secret” has no bearing on your relationship, no bearing on who you are in this marriage, is revealing it a good idea?



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Mztracy wrote Jan 31, 2009
        • For Rog and I we pretty much know everything about one another. We were friends for a few years before we ever got to be together. We used to talk about guys i was dating and girls he was seeing.

          If something has no bearing on us as a couple at all though, probably no need to talk about it. If it never comes up, why bother. But, if it does affect us then yup tell.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Kelly Robertson wrote Feb 1, 2009
        • As a lot know, I have tons of skullies in my closet. Past is past and if my spouse knew who I used to be, our marriage would take a different turn; he’d look at me differently and then start wondering what else he doesn’t know about me. Not to rally self-support, but honestly, I don’t care about his past - the last 10 years of his loyalty, love and behavior proves to me who is IS and I’m a lucky one.

          I don't see any good in talking about who I used to be with him - it's who I am now that counts .  Dr. Laura would agree with me on this one too.

          Great blog! love, kelly



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          Tuliplady wrote Feb 1, 2009
        • My husband and I were friends for eleven years before we got together.  There were things we did not talk about until we did get together.  There were also things we did not  talk about even after we got together.

          Do the skeletons need to come out of the closet? No.  If it comes up in conversation, or a direct question is asked, then you must be honest and up front about it.  But otherwise leave it alone.



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          Vikki Hall wrote Feb 1, 2009
        • What would it serve to bring out every detail of your life that he was not involved in? I think unless it’s relevent to today’s relationship it should stay mums the word.
          I was married before my current husband as was he. I don’t want to know all the details of their life. I just wanted to know why the marriage didn’t work, what their role was in the marriage, and things were handled.
          Now if my hubby was part of the touring Chippendales...the only thing I would want to know now is why he is dancing for me.....



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jacquie6363 wrote Feb 1, 2009
        • I guess it really truly depends, if an individual has some type of past, such as an abusive life or have hangups about some things, then by all means, if that will help your relationship now, go ahead and spill the beans, so you both can get help and work things out...  

          As the saying goes, “let lying dogs lie” i.e if that dog is laying down and not disturbed, leave him alone.  If it has nothing to do with your marriage, don’t rehash.  My husband had a past before me and unless he was a mass murderer, I truly don’t care to know.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jacquie6363 wrote Feb 1, 2009
        • Lori, I know, right...LOL.  I don’t want to do without me either...LOL

          It's so sad, how some can't handle each other's past and life just is a living hell.  My hubby knows, I had boyfriends before him and I know he had girlfriends before me, that's all we need to know about each other.  This marriage is the first for both of us, (18 years married)  so I think we aught to continue to build on this and leave all that behind.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Richardson wrote Feb 2, 2009
        • I agree Vintagediva,  if that person wasn't around during certains times in your life why disclose the issues, let sleeping dogs lie.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Vikki Hall wrote Feb 2, 2009
        • Right! Unless of course you did something that will impact your relationship today.
          I don’t remember reading a full dislosure clause in my marriage certificate. Also the minister who married me to my 1st husband did tell us that we didn’t need to discuss in detail every aspect of our lives.
          Hmmmmm......



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Mztracy wrote Feb 2, 2009
        • Exactly, if it is not something to ‘hurt’ her hubz or something that has anythingt to do with him, then shhhhhh.  

          But, if it is something that may come out in the future, then it is best if it comes from her. Or, if it something that happened while with him.  

          This is interesting. now i wanna know the secret!! lol  

          Does she have husbands before that died of mysterious causes!? J/K



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Trudy S wrote Feb 2, 2009
        • Neither my husband nor myself talk about relationships prior to ours.  Safer, easier and keeps us happier.  No chance of comparisons or jealousy.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jean Walter wrote Feb 2, 2009
        • My DH(dear husband) and I were friends and neighbors before we got married. I confided in DH some things that I did with my ex and I regret ever telling him because if the circumstance arises he will use it against me!!
          We have based our marriage on being true full with one another from the get go but this one thing will haunt me forever with him!!

          Big Regret!!



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