Random Thoughts

It is so true that when you have lots of time on your hands your mind can really stop and think clearly on things that otherwise have been placed on hold or have been lodge in the back of your mind, but here lately I have been very conscious as to how many people really has my back since my recent set back with my illness.
I must first give GOD all the praise, honor and glory for He has never left me and will always be there for me, my family of course and now it seems that the LORD is doing a work with my siblings, even though we have not gotten along in past times, nor have we spoken since the death of my little brother last year, they all have ran to my side to be a help to me, it seems that the LORD is using this as a stepping stone to bring harmony and peace back with me and my siblings.
I was floored when my oldest sister who just went through a divorce and has moved from Minnesota, to Stockbridge, Ga. called me to say that she’d like to extend to me an all expense paid weekend trip to visit her for the Memorial day weekend. Of course I have accepted the offer because I felt for a long time it was time to put all old feelings aside, but I saw they weren’t ready, but I think GOD has now given them a changed heart and I’m seeing a change in all of my siblings now.
My oldest brother the one who left his wife after 30+ years to be with another woman, called me and came to share some of his personal feelings with me and gave me a better understanding of the whole matter about his leaving his wife, not that I’m in agreeance with all that he shared with me, but to each their own.
I still support him in other areas because he is struggling and I have found that he needs my spiritual support.

My oldest daughter shared something with me that was so profound months prior to all this happening with me as well as my siblings she said that God was going to use me as a vessel to bring light of Him to my siblings and that my strength in Him is what they lack and they will look to me for that same strength, but they didn’t know just how to go about getting it and that they will never tell me they look to me for that strength, so GOD will use me a a vessel to bring them to Him. WOW! this is something and as I sit and ponder things I’m beginning to see the manifestation of what she was saying.
GOD is a wonder and He does work in Mysterious ways. And as I continue to think on what has happened to me I feel He allowed it to be not a total disability, but enough of one to do what needs to been done through Him. He made it where I can still function, but yet still be disabled enough to warrant assistance from all parties (family). My two sisters who are R.N’s call me on a daily basis to check in to see my progress and to hear of any doctor’s reports and to see if I need anything outside of care.
One of them never has done anything for me and this stems far back as childhood with her we never bonded even though we all lived in the same house I never bonded with any of my siblings, my baby sister and I were close, but then she was reformed by the other two sisters against me.

But GOD! I’m just in awe at what He is doing with all this. I for one have always been a family oriented person and love the family lifestyle, the love of family and doing family things, I must say YES!, I am totally different from them all because they tend to stay within their own circle with their husbands and kids, but in past times I tried desperately to break that circle by including them in family functions created by me only to be ridiculed because I was always doing soemthing. Yes! I was I was trying to get us all together as one big happy family, but they just didn’t want it, so I did it within my own family as they had done. But I not to be bragging or anything was on a better and higher level with my family life then they all were.
My children were excelling in all their endeavors, where their college bond children who were spoon feed everything were failing because they didn’t have mom and dad there to hold their hands, there was so much going on with their children and I guess too!, I see why there was so much jealousy and envy towards me because of the way I brought my girls up and how they were reared, no different than how our mom raised us only that I added my own touches to what she had instilled in me.
But as I look back and now forward I can truly appreciate all that God has done and is doing in all of this.
I shall remain humble and keep an opened ear, heart, mind and spirit to all that He aims towards my way to help bring my family to the peace that He so desires for us all.

And last but not least, I cannot leave out how grateful and thankful I am for ALL of you here on Fab40 whom I've come to know over the past three years and I look forward to gaining more new friendships along the way here, thank you ALL  for all you have been to me here as my friend.

"TO GOD BE THE GLORY FOR THE THINGS HE HAS DONE!"