Road Rage

Let me introduce myself, I'm Sapphire!

Some of you have heard about me from my alter ego Psalmist.  We also have a middle sister Stephanie.  Right now I wanted to let you all in on some details about us.  Psalmist is a little bit of an idealist and wears her heart on her sleeve and seems to always get her feelings hurt because she gives people too much credit and puts herself out there too much.  Stephanie is a little more cautious and will stand up for herself more and will tell you where to go if you get on her nerves.  I'm the enforcer.  I don't get to show my face too often because if you get on my nerves, I'll not only tell you where you need to go, I'll show you the way, and that tends to make Psalmist really nervous!  I've been known to do some things that have left Psalmist and Stephanie speechless, wondering who left the latch off the gate.  Let me give you an example.

Psalmist was on her way to work.  Now all three of us agree, if you decide to get in the leftmost lane on a three-lane highway, for the sake of all sanity, life and the life of your family, DO NOT travel below 65 MPH!  Psalmist will pull around you, Steph may tailgate you and then pull around you, but me, I will pull around you, get in front of you and slam on the brakes!  This is what happened...

Traffic was pretty steady and everyone was moving fine according to their relative speed, slowpokes in the right lane, faster drivers in the middle lane, and people in a real hurry passing them in the left lane.  Then this woman decides to pull into the left lane while talking on her cell AND doing her hair (????) and does sixty!!!  (Mind you, the speed limit is 65, read 80).  Okay, she received a few annoyed honks, and people pulled around her because the way was clear.  But when the way became clear enough for her to move back over into the middle or right lane, she didn't!!!  So at this point, the middle lane has caught up to her, and there is a line of cars behind her, trying to get by.  Okay, Stephanie steps up, travels beside her for a bit and tries to signal her to move over, that others were behind her trying to get by.  Steph did this nicely mind you (I definitely would not have been so nice!)  Well this..this..this (ooooh!) on wheels decides to tap her brakes and slows down to fifty!!!!  Okay, that's when I took over!

I swerved in front of her and slammed on the brakes.  She swerved to avoid me and backed off and finally got into the right lane, allowing the line of cars to go by her.  I then pull back over into the right lane to let others go by.  THEN I notice she is now tailgating me in the right lane!!!  Oh, did she ever pick the wrong one!!!  I pull into the middle lane to let her get by, but she pulls in behind me and still rides my bumper.  Okay, it's now time to really swing into action.  I speed up, cut in between an 18-wheeler and another car (to let her know I DO know how to handle my vehicle), and pull off, leaving her in the dust.

I watch her in the rear view mirror futilely trying to catch up to me, but she's obviously not able to handle her vehicle, because others keep passing her and cutting her off.  At this point both Psalmist and Stephanie try to take over, but I'm out now, and I ain't going back in the box willingly!  Well, this woman finally catches up to me, pulls around me, pulls in front of me and taps her brakes.  Y'all, all I can say is, I don't remember much of what happened next, except I remember speeding up, swerving almost into her front fender and slamming on my brakes and watching her veer onto the shoulder.

I have never felt so exhilarated!  I finally let someone know how I felt on the road, and now she won't mess with people again.  After that, Psalmist stuffs me back in the box with a stern talking to and tries to guilt me into thinking that I could have caused an accident(like that...that...that (oooh) wasn’t??).  Stephanie wisely goes with the materialistic approach, that I could have damaged our car, but I don't care.  I was able to let some steam off and Psalmist can go back to being the goodie-two-shoes she's always been...

...Until she needs me again...