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  • Rules of conduct

    37 posts, 14 voices, 1144 views, started Sep 10, 2008

    Posted on Wednesday, September 10, 2008 by Yana Berlin

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    • Diamond
      Offline

      Ladies,

      Everyone on fabulously40 has the ability to voice their opinion and get their point across on our site.  However, at times we don't agree or see eye to eye on everything.

      Being fabulously40 and beyond we are passionate about many things, of course Religion and Politics are in a league of their own.

      Fabulously40 was born out of the need for "us girls" to connect, share and support each other. It is a place for us to debate and discuss various issues, however, this is not a place where anyone of us has the right to be hostile and berate others for their views.

      I trust that we can all be civil while discussing even the most controversial issues at hand.
      I ask you to refrain from personal insults and remember that at the end of the day, politics and religion aside we are just girls that want to have fun.  

      While we allow debate and discussion we don’t tolerate personal attacks.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Sandy Ochoa-West wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • I agree. We should all be able to agree to disagree on all issues.



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          Silklaser wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • I have yet to read where Leftcoater made personal attacks at other members.  I very much enjoyed reading her blogs and input.  I would very much like her back.



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          Ladybrett wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • Where were her personal attacks?
          and she was attacked as well if you use your definition.



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          Silklaser wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • This is bullying.  The ladies against Leftcoaster’s views won?  Now isn’t that FABULOUS? NOT!  It’s like being in middle school without the justice.  Now we are into silencing women?  

          I guess we should revoke October 1st National Bitch Day in case someone gets their feathers ruffled.  Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have said bitch it might offend someone.



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          Sandy Ochoa-West wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • I think we should all go by the immortal words of Thumper “If you can’t say somethin nice, don’t say nothin at all“!!! I have gone over all the posts for that blog and couldn’t find any “personal” attacks either.



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          Silklaser wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • Maybe lefty wrote it in tongues.



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          Cynthia Schmidt wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • Ok, I’ll admit it, sometimes I’m just downright whimpy. I shy away from controversial topics and if I get into a verbal debate I generally end up tongue tied and backing away with my tail between my legs.

          I started to read the political forum but backed away because the verbal back and forth made me uncomfortable. My family says I’m over sensitive, I probably am, so be it.

          So I’m sticking my neck out with an opinion. I agree that, while freedom of speech is a beautiful thing, it has to come with some level of decorum (sp?). I feel that the when we are speaking our mind we also have to do a gut check and not make it a free for all.



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          Lisa Hyman wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • I could not find any personal “attacks” after re-reading all of Leftcoaster’s comments, either.  I think the worst thing she said was “wingnut“.  I have to agree with Ladybrett and Silklaser; she was attacked as well (if I’m not mistaken, someone insinuated to her that she didn’t enjoy her life), it seems like a double-standard, and something just doesn’t feel right about this whole thing.  I’m very disappointed.

          Yana, in all honesty, I’m sure you were aware of how passionate people get with their political beliefs when you posted about Sara Palin.  In your article, you were expressing an opinion, but you had to know that in addition to those who agreed with you, there were going to be those who opposed to it as well.  Just because we all belong to Fab40 and we respect each other as women does NOT mean we share the same political views.  As for me—living in a fairly urban area, living through the 9/11 drama, living in a mixed-racial culture—there is no way I can be as conservative as Sara Palin.  It ain’t happening. Not in my neck of the woods.

          After this incident, I’m afraid I feel that there is a certain “mold” we have to fit to be appropriate members of Fab40.  For goodness sake, I’m from NY and I speak like Fran Drescher—I would probably scare half of this website to death in person.  I’m just not the picture-perfect, lady-like embodiment of a woman that only seems to be accepted here.

          And wow, the political arena on this site is gonna be boring without Lefty shaking it up a bit.  It’s too bad.  Again, I’m very disappointed with the decision to knock her off the whole site.  Did she even have a fair warning?

          ...



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          Silklaser wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • What was a free for all?  It was women, who are extremely passionate about their beliefs, making comments on a blog.  We were commenting on issues already in the media not stuff we pulled out of a hat.  In some cases providing documentation or factual research.  

          I’m sorry, I can’t just be a follower.  I liked reading Lefty’s views and comments.  She seems like a very smart and organized woman defending the beliefs that she holds dear to her.  If people found that offensive, why did they read on?  It was a pretty heated debate at times.  We are all grown women.  This is what’s going to take us down?  Come on.  If we can’t cope with a little afternoon chit chat.  I don’t watch the Oprah show, but I’m not going to throw out my tv!



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          Cynthia Schmidt wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • I’m not a follower, either. I appreciate people who are passionate about their beliefs. And because I was uncomfortable with the comments, I chose not to read on.



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          Silklaser wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • I agree with you 100%.  If you don’t like something, don’t read it.  You have a choice.  I think both sides of this debate feel uncomfortable about the beliefs of the other side.  It’s our freedom to make a choice.  People react differently when that choice is being threatened.

          I applaud you for voicing your opinion.  You should never feel unable to speak your mind.  Especially in a safe outlet like this one.  By all means, jump right in.



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          Silklaser wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • I think that it is better to be knowledgeable of the views of both sides.  You don’t have to accept them or even like them.  It just gives you exposure.



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          Sandy Ochoa-West wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • We all have a choice. We can choose which blogs we want to read. For me, if I feel something is getting out of hand or theres too much drama I just politely excuse myself and allow all of you extremely intellegent women to carry on without me.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Silklaser wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • It seems we all don’t have a choice because we have taken that away from Leftcoaster.  What are we afraid of?  This isn’t a cult.  We are not brain washing anyone.  We are all in safe places chatting online.  No one is going to be whisked off into a scary space.  I’m actually speechless that this made such an impact.  I want all women to have the freedom to express themselves.  I also don’t want anyone feeling uncomfortable.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Silklaser wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • Bravo Againali!  I’ll get your NY, nanny back any day!

          BTW, The Nanny rocks!

          We might just all need to meet up on facebook.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Silklaser wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • Ladies,

          This is supposed to be a site for women.  Whether we are green, black, blue, red, white or purple.  Who cares if we are fat, thin, thick, or bony. Whether we are independents, Republicans or Democrats, it doesn’t matter. We are supposed to be embracing our differences whatever they may be.  Some of us need support, but that’s what we are here for.  Our individuality is what makes each and everyone one of us FABULOUS!

          I am woman hear me *ROAR*__!!!  (but not to each other)



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          Kendal wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • Hello Ladies,

          I am not pro Palin, I am pro choice, among many others. In fact, many of the things leftcoaster wrote I agreed with.

          This is not a matter of politics anymore. Leftcoaster is a very strong writer, which I admire.
          However, the approach she took was offensive on many levels, to those who were participating in the forum and the other ladies on the site.

          I was not involved in the discussion on Palin, but I did follow it closely and was upset to see her attacking those she did not agree with.

          I think each person should be able to voice their opinion, but bashing others because you do not agree with their perspective should not be tolerated.

          We are here to be friends, support each other, and enjoy conversations, and not surround ourselves with negative energy.

          I hope we can all be friends and enjoy each others company.



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          Kendal wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • I agree with you SilkLaser.



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          Ladybrett wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • I do Facebook!  message me and I will give you the address!

          Among many other things (same as for most women) I am a counselor at a not for profit agency.  I mostly counsel women.  We talk a lot about NOT being silent. We talk about equity and feeling safe to communicate.  So many people expect women from birth pretty much, to just be ‘nice‘.
          WE are all women of a certain age. There is a time for ‘nice’
          there is also a time to find our voices.
          I agree and understand Choco that some discussions got HOT sometimes. I respect your choice to not participate. CHOICE.
          Thanks all (ALL) for your comments here.



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          Silklaser wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • Isn’t this what we are here for soul connecting and support?  To say what we might not be able to out loud or to have our hands held as we try out our voice.

          Let us free ourselves from our otherwise societal bonds!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Silklaser wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • I’d like to think of us as Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants that missed the first 40 years.  We can support those who need to clear baggage from the past and go forward strong and proud.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Dana Hall wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • #1 Yana is the owner of the site, she has every right to ban people who don’t follow the rules.

          #2 Her decision was not based on political views. This just happened to be a political forum.  

          Yana is my friend. I know how much she puts into the site, and the reason it exists. Before this particular forum, members were comfortable sharing and supporting each other.

          My opinion, if you don’t like it, and cannot follow the rules, leave!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Lisa Hyman wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • Silkie, right back atcha, girl!

          Lovejunkie, your post was so beautifully and poignantly stated.  Bravo.  Perfect.

          Annie, that posting thing happened to me, too!  And I’d like to say that you saw me on the E, but I haven’t been to the city since March, unfortunately!  I’m a LawnGuylander...chuckle.

          BTW, I happen to think NY-ers are some of the most incredibly intelligent, fair, polite, and concerned people out there.  And they‘re real, that’s for sure.  We definitely don’t deserve ALL of the stereotypes...but, well, a few of them are definitely right on the money!  We do seem to be a little tougher than the rest of the country!

          I was incredibly affected by the events of 9/11, and never viewed the world the same again, especially NY.  Tons of people in my area died, including some I knew (thankfully, no family or close friends).  I’m not a fearful person, but I am deeply disturbed by the “If you see something, say something” and “Photography Prohibited on Bridge” signs when I cross such landmarks as the Throgs Neck Bridge.  It really popped my bubble, because I thought I lived in Utopia.  And it also affected my political views, and the views of many around me.  

          I’m very passionate about the fact that I want—no wait, make that NEED—change.  I personally can’t go through four more years of nonsense, and I think that was the point Leftcoaster was so passionately trying to make.  I don’t feel that she should have been kicked off of the entire site for her strong views and comments.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          JOEY Robertson wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • “No tolerance” is my rule.  I do not tolerate gossip, rudeness, bickering, or sarcasm in my home, in my conversations with women and men, etc.

          Try “walking a mile” in someone else’s shoes.  It makes a difference.

          If you don’t like what you are reading, simply move on.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Silklaser wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • Ladies it has been a pleasure, but I’m afraid that I cannot sit by while others are have a Fab40 gag order.  It’s rather unexciting to me now.    

          For those up to the challenge, you know where to find us.

          I wish you all be surrounded by abundance and prosperity!
          When all else fails, spread love!
          Get your girl on and roar!
          Get in touch with your inner Bitch on October 1st!  Some of you really need the wake up call.  We don’t always have to be prim and proper.   Let your hair down.  We only go through this life once.  Stop being a spectator and get in the game!

          xo



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          Ladybrett wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • Yes, thank you to all.
          I cananot abide by the GAG order.
          I wish you all the best.
          I am excited because I did meet some great women on this site so I thank you for that.

          Best to you all.



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          Lisa Hyman wrote Sep 10, 2008
        • Ladies, I wish you all the best and Yana, I hope that your Fabulously 40 site continues to grow and attract more of the interesting, accomplished women that it already has as members.  It’s been a wonderful place to meet some pretty fabulous women, and share their interesting life experiences.  

          Unfortunately, I have to agree with Silklaser, LadyBrett, and Lovejunkie as to the issue of censorship, and I do feel the need to take a stand on this issue.  Thank you for the opportunity to be a part of this forum.  God bless you all.



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