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  • Seeking, not wandering

    10 posts, 7 voices, 596 views, started Dec 22, 2008

    Posted on Monday, December 22, 2008 by Psalmist

    •  



    • Garnett
      Offline

      Hello all,
      I have not been to church in 5 months.  I need prayer in this area.  Here’s the deal...

      I was raised Episcopalian.  For the first 22 years of my life, I was taught the canons, the Apostles Creed, was christened, and then reaffirmed, you all know the deal.  The Episcopalian denomination taught me discipline and the law, but it wasn’t enough...

      The pastor of the last Episcopalian church I attended at 22 years old was arrested and imprisoned for fraud and embezzlement, but not before destroying the only African-American Episcopalian church in Delaware.  That rocked my faith to the core and sent me spiraling into a rebellious mode.  I didn’t stray, I just didn’t go to church for 2 years.

      I prayed during that time for God to direct me and He sent me, literally, right next door to the AME church.  I couldn’t have been happier!  I spent the next 10 years there growing in my gifts, sharpening my tools for ministry, perfecting praise and worship, learning about the many facets of our Lord and Saviour, basically sitting under some of the most anointed teaching and preaching of my life.  The AME church taught me that I could not only praise “out loud” (and I now do it with GUSTO estatic), but that I shouldn’t be afraid to let others know that I am a Christian, a Bible-totin‘, Blood-bought, fire-baptized, Holy Spirit-filled Woman of God.  That more suited my personality, and built upon the lessons and disciplines of my Episcopalian youth.

      Then came graduation day...that was the day the Lord told me it was time to “fly,” to move on because Bethel, my home for 10 years, would no longer meet my needs, that my beloved pastor had taken me as far as he could.  Y‘all, I cried for weeks, and stubbornly stayed for a few more months, until God finally “stirred the nest” and I had no choice but to leave.

      I then went visiting different congregations of various other denominations and non-denominations for the next 5 years.  I wasn’t happy because, not only did if feel “rootless” but I saw so much error in so many of the various congregations along the way.  Not to say that I didn’t learn tons (that is God’s plan after all), and my armor was tested and polished, but I still wanted a home.  One place I visited, I made the mistake of joining and was miserable because it was supposed to be an oasis, not a home.  So I moved on...

      My last stop was 2 years ago and even though something in my spirit didn’t feel right (I had just gone through one of the most difficult spiritual battles of my life (another story for another day) and had begun to doubt that I had heard God’s Voice), I became a member anyway.  Things were cold, and although I usually embrace “different,” this congregation was striving to be “so different” that they often strayed into areas I’m not sure God is pleased with.  Anyway that was my last way-station, and now it’s been 5 months since I’ve been there because my spirit is so bereft and I have been so alone that my spiritual ears seem clogged and I don’t seem to hear from God like I used to.

      As I stated in my previous posting, I’m getting tired of trying to live right, so I need your prayers to get me back to where God wants me, ‘cause these last few attacks on my spirit have left me bleeding and naked.

      Help me Jesus, PLEASE!!!!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Peejay64 wrote Dec 22, 2008
        • Psalmist,  I’m praying for you right now.  I can imagine how you must feel.  Please don’t give up!  Persevere, sister!

          Patti



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Sandy Ochoa-West wrote Dec 22, 2008
        • Girl, consider yourself covered in prayer. I have been right where you are, and although it is really about your personal relationship with Christ (which sounds very stable), there is nothing better than being a part of a fellowship of believers that you can connect with.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Sandy Ochoa-West wrote Dec 22, 2008
        • Oh yea, I would recommend trying a new church every Sunday. Pray before you go that if it is to be your home that God would make it clear.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Lisa Middlesworth wrote Dec 22, 2008
        • Don’t give up, sometimes God walks us through the unknown journeys for a very good reason. Don’t rush it, it will happen when it is suppose to.
          We have to walk in the wilderness to get to the light. Feel it, embrace it.
          I agree with Sassy, make a committment to try a new church each Sunday until you find a new home.
          You will feel it and know when you walk in the door.

          There’s a place out there that needs you, they are just waiting for you to walk thru that doorestatic



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          UK Girl wrote Dec 22, 2008
        • Honey I think everyone has times like this but I know you'll find a home where your comfortable. I can say that I'm not big in the church but my faith matters I'm Catholic and I hate the modern Catholic church so I go to Brompton Oratory in Knightsbridge as it's full Latin Tridentine mass with the singing in Latin and the incense – my mother calls it the bells and smells and this gives me comfort.

          I hope this helps.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Psalmist wrote Dec 22, 2008
        • patti, sassy, lisa, vicki, THANK YOU!!!!  I have felt so adrift and alone, and I promise one day to share about the experience that has left me so “dazed and confused” so your prayers can have more of a sharpened point to them. I thank you, thank you, thank you for praying with and for your sister in Christ, because since I am usually the prayer warrior,everybody thinks I’m okay, but I’ve been so beaten up, I have nothing left to give except wails...



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          Sandy Ochoa-West wrote Dec 22, 2008
        • Well you know th Bible says that when we can do nothing but wail the Holy Spirit intervenes for us. Sister, I have been doing a lot of my own wailing lately so I know how you feel. Even if we don’t know what happened, God does, and that’s all that matters!!!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          UK Girl wrote Dec 22, 2008
        • Well this is the place to wail and we will all listen ...



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          Theresa Simmons wrote Dec 22, 2008
        • listen to what your heart says,and above that,listen to what God says,you will find your calling,and your church.like the outher ladies said,God will lead you there.pray,we will pray for you too. I love you,my sister in Christ.God knows our needs before we do.HOW AWESOME IS THAT?



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