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  • Some West Indian Humour...(if you don't understand the dialect, you might have a hard time understanding this joke)

    9 posts, 9 voices, 1338 views, started Feb 20, 2009

    Posted on Friday, February 20, 2009 by Denise Alleyne-Hill

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    • Carnelian
      Offline

      THIS IS A TRUE STORY

      Subject: DIARY OF A GUYANESE MAN WHO JUST MOVED TO TORONTO

      October 8th ~ We have arrived in Canada!!!Finally!!! This marks a new chapter in our lives. It’s very nice here. It’s a little cool, but who needs HOT weather?This is perfect: Not too hot not too cold.  

      October 15th ~ It is getting a little cooler, but we are adjusting. We bought some sweaters today and went for a short walk. Loving Toronto!!! This is what life’s about.

      October 30th ~ The weather is definitely cooler now. We taped all the windows shut, so the cold air cannot creep in. Outside may be cold, but it feels like GT in this house.  

      November 11th ~ The news reports say snow is on the way... we cannot wait!!! We have never seen snow and it should be pretty exciting to see it for the first time.

      November 14th ~ Started snowing. The first of the season and the first real snow we have ever seen. The wife cooked pepper-pot and we sat by the window watching soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. Could never do anything like this in Guyana. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL  SIGHT!!!

      November 15th ~ We woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a FANTASTIC sight! Every tree and shrub was covered like a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time and loved it. I did both our driveway and sidewalk. Later,the city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved and I waved back and shoveled again. Torontonians are so friendly!

      November 18th ~ It snowed an additional twelve inches last night and the temperature has dropped to around four degrees. The cold weather is not so bad. We can take this. Not at all as bad as we imagined. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs have snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish gray.

      November 19th ~ Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice again. Bought snow tires for both cars. I slipped and fell on my ‘batty‘in the driveway, paid $130 for the chiropractor, but fortunately nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.

      November 20th ~ Still cold. Sold my wife’s BMW and bought a 4×4 in order to get to work.

      November 21st ~ On my way to work, the 4×4 skidded into the guardrail and did considerable damage to the right fender. We had another 15 inches of white shit last night. The vehicle is covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. Deh damn snowplow man did he job again. Watch me an’ him!

      November 22nd ~ Yuh believe dis? The first heating bill just come! How deh hell it come up to so much???

      November 30th ~ It’s two frigging degrees outside! An’ more snow deh pon de way. Every tree in deh yard geh damage up. An’ to crown it off deh power cut-off most of deh night. We try to keep from freezing to death wid candles an’ kerosene heater, but deh heater tip over an’ nearly bun dung deh kiss-meh-ass house. Ah manage to put out deh flames, but end up wid second degree burns pun meh hands. Ah nearly bun off meh eyebrow an’ eyelash. Den deh car slide on the white shit (again!) on the way to deh hospital an’ we had to write it off.

      December 5th ~ Look at meh crosses. Dis snow ain’t plan fuh stop. Deh ting comin’ down,and down! Ah had to put on all meh clothes dat ah own just to go out to meh mailbox. If ah ever catch the bitch dat drive deh snowplow.ah tell yuh,ah gun give he wan jumbee lash crass he neck. Ah gun mek he feel it. Ah really tink deh driver is hide round deh corner and wait ‘til ah finish shoveling, den come down the street fast fast an’ cover up we driveway again. Boy ah tell yuh!!!

      December 10th ~ Deh power still off. Deh toilet freeze up. Some part o’ deh roof look like it ready fuh cave in.

      December 15th ~ zzzzz Eleven more stupid inches o’ snow an’ ice!!!!!!!!!!God know dis ain’t right. Ah put ah hole in deh snowplow wid meh pick-ax,but the driva getaway. If he only know whuh miss he!!

      December 16th ~ Deh wife tek off an’ leff me.

      December 18th ~ Deh cyar cyan start an’ ah tink ah goin’ snow-blind. Ah cyan feel meh toes an’ ah din see deh sun fuh weeks!!!! An’ guess whuh? Deh weatherman predict moe snow!!!!!!!! Ah tell yuh!! An’ deh windchill is 30 friggin degrees below zero!!

      December 22nd ~ Dis GT banna movin’ back to GT today ‘cause dis place gun kill me!!!! If ah can ketch a flight, at least ah could reach GT in time fuh Christmas. Canada ain’t mek fuh everybody!!!!
      estatic



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