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  • Something Every Woman MUST Know - Please Help

    28 posts, 14 voices, 1421 views, started Dec 31, 2008

    Posted on Wednesday, December 31, 2008

    •  



    • inactive
      Carnelian
      Offline

      LADIES, I call on you for your help.  Post this, print this, pass it out to all your friends, coworkers, church members, family and friends.    

      I can tell you, as can countless other women on this site, the feeling of isolation is the most prevalent.  Whether is is self imposed or imposed by the abuser, women fail to escape because they feel alone.  They feel like they deserve it or that there is no one who knows what they are going through or cares.  LOOK, THIS IS WHAT WE ARE UP AGAINST.

      1. 85-95% of all domestic violence victims are female.  

      2. Over 500,00 women are stalked by an intimate partner each year.

      3. 5.3 million women are abused each year.

      4. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women.

      5. Women are more likely to be attacked by someone they know rather than by a stranger.

       WE HAVE TO MAKE SURE ALL OF OUR SISTERS AND CHILDREN KNOW THESE STATISTICS.

      Here ladies, is the worst of them all:

      1,232 women are killed each year by an intimate partner.

      That is over 100 women per month...100 women per month...100 women per month.

      Thanking you in advance....much love to you all, let’s beat this thing in 2009.

      Love to all
      Lori



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          UK Girl wrote Dec 31, 2008
        • Your so right knowledge is power .....



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          Jenni0811 wrote Dec 31, 2008
        • There was a time in my past when I was being forced into isolation and literally imprisoned in my own home...it took a long time for this to happen and even longer for me to realize that it was happening.  After all this, when you are stripped of your self-worth and believe that you have no one else to turn to for assistance, it takes a herculean effort to stand up and run for your life. But it is your life you are running for...and it is worth any effort or sacrifice you may need to make. Since men will always continue to exude control and power over women...we need education to empower us with the knowledge that men are a bonus in our lives, not a necessity. We have everything we need within us to make us complete.



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          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Dec 31, 2008
        • I actually copied from the link you listed first.  I was just a copy cat, cut and paste only.  All credit to you to let us know.



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          Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Dec 31, 2008
        • Lori..that’s one of my favourite sayings...

          But ladies lets not forget, although women are the main ones affected by DV, men also go unnoticed...They tell even less than women do..My brother is in the midst of it right now as a matter of fact, and I worry about him so much..Please lets not forget the men who have been victimized too...



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          Lilibet wrote Dec 31, 2008
        • I just went to your blog mrslorid. I’m crying. I’m a survivor. It is so hard to say, so hard to wrap my mind around. We need more women like us to speak up, shout from the mountaintops. This is a big, huge problem in this world and it must be stopped. Love you and all the sisters on this site.



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          Vikki Hall wrote Jan 1, 2009
        • We also need to educate young women (and men) in hopes that it will help them before anything begins.



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          Coachmombabe wrote Jan 1, 2009
        • How can I be more aware when a woman is in an abusive relationship? What are some signs? I see many young women in poor relationships, but I would have no way of knowing it was physical unless they came in all battered and bruised, which did happen once. But what are some characteristics of someone being abused?



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          Linni wrote Jan 1, 2009
        • such great posts! i have nothing to add at the moment.. accept..

          when i was living through all this.. like it was mentioned, the isolation was the WORST! all my friends seemed to ” fall “” off the face of the earth..family seemed to do the same..

          going through the abuse, NIGHT TIME was the worst.. ( i will try to explain why, and i hope it makes sence ) i felt it was easier ( if thats at all possible ) to go through during the day, because it was light out.. people could see in.. night time brought its own form of isolation on top of all the other isolation...

          i thank GOd that i was not a woman who felt she ” deserved ” it, or that it was my lot in life.. i just had to wait for the right time to leave! with children, its not easy to ” just leave ” it had to be the RIGHT time, because if it wasn’t DEATH could be the outcome...



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          Lilibet wrote Jan 1, 2009
        • I agree with everyone’s statements. These are very dangerous situations. Those on the outside cannot understand why we stay, why we seclude ourselves, why we act completely different on the outside of the home as opposed to the inside of the home, but it is all about fear & control. Intervention should only be done by professionals. From my experience & many others, drugs & alcohol usually are part of the situation. This makes everything worse. What worked best for me was a very supportive family and really close friends that I could cry on their shoulders, call them anytime & they loved me no matter what.



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          Stephanie Wolf wrote Jan 1, 2009
        • As linni mentioned, “such great posts“.
          Luckily I was never in any relationship like that, but I am a great listener to many people. When someone has such little self worth they can only think this is normal.
          There is NOTHING normal about being abused, male or female!
          We need to spread the word in as many ways possible that no one should ever be treated like that!  Believe in yourself, no matter what others may say to lower you.



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          Coachmombabe wrote Jan 1, 2009
        • This is such a great, and important blog. I’m so sorry for the pain you ladies have experienced. It breaks my heart when I hear of anyone being treated in such a way. But I am so grateful that you are sharing this information. What you are doing here may give someone else the courage to take her life back. And we will all be here to love, encourage, and support her when she does.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Cami Chitwood wrote Apr 5, 2009
        • I’m new to Fab40 and I am blessed to have found this site.

          I’ve read all of your comments, and a lot of us educate ourself and speak out but do not listen to our own voice; speaking of myself.

          I was raised in a very healthy stable home environment, I couldn’t of asked for a better raising,at the time I thought my Dad was very strict, but I know now that was an expression of his love.  

          No reason for me to ever put up with this behavior, but unfortunatately for me, I was never called a "Fat Pig" or "your good for nothing", I have not been thrown across a room or slugged in the face. My reason for saying "unfortunately" is because, for me it would of been a huge red flag and my life couldn't of really gone any further until this was resolved and by saying resolved, getting out and not looking back. I am no better than anyone else I was just fortunate to have been raised the best way, with love and respect within our home, I knew no different. I have been a naive soul, thinking all people are good.  

          I’m one to go on and on so please forgive me, but I’m going to try to stick with what is important that you all know. I married a man who I thought loved, respected and cherished me, but I always lived in a state of confusion in my relationship. What I was experiencing was a slow death of my soul. By the time I realized this isn’t right, because I always thought it was me! Until I picked up Patricia Evan Book “Emotional and Verbal Abuse” and from the first paragraph I knew this was my life. It was as if she was walking in my foot steps for the past 10 years. There wasn’t one trait or characteristic that wasn’t my husband while defining a Emotional Abuser. It was so eerie that I was shaking when I read it..how could she know my husband so well?  

          My life prior to 2004:

          I had been in the mortgage industry right out of high school 1984, I was the top producer at our company, had build a huge clientele and worked with alot of high performing realtors..life was good, 6 figure income, I had one beautiful daughter who was in college majoring in nursing, very proud of the way she turned out; you just never know, you only do the best you can. My siblings and parents all lived within a mile of each other raising our families; I was blessed. The only negative thing I could say about my life was that my husband and I didn’t spend very much time together, and the intimacy wasn’t nearly as deep as I wanted it to be. And in looking further pretty unhealthy.  

          2005  

          -Severe depression couldn’t lift my head off my pillow.
          -Had to give up my business that I had worked so hard to    

           get.
          -Turned 40...didn’t realize I would have a problem with a number but I found this out when I turned 30.
          -Diagnosed with Bipolar II, doctor said if I wouldn’t of waited so long to get help I probably could of spared myself the diagnosis.  Anxiety disorder, ADHD, which I knew I had (self diagnosis)

          *2005 to present*    

          -No mental stability, pyschiatrist still pushing pills

           to find the right cocktail that will work for me.

          Different Drug side effects

              WEIGHT GAIN, WEIGHT LOSS, THINNING HAIR, SLEEPING TOO

              MUCH, NOT SLEEPING AT ALL, ANXIETY, CONSTIPATION,

              SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS, CAN‘T REMEMBER HOW TO SPELL

              THE EASIEST OF WORDS, LET ALONE FORMAT THEM IN A

              LETTER. stop mid sentence because you can’t remember

              the word, twitching, shaking, nausea (depressing in

              its self)

          -yes I’m still with my husband not an option right now,

           until I become land of the living again.

          TODAY AND TOMORROW -MY REQUIREMENTS TO LIVE

          -New psychiatrist
          -$500.00 worth of DVD’s and CD’s to help with 90% of how

           to deal with my diagnosis. (30 day trial expired)  

           I vow to watch all of them
          -Going to Patricia Evan’s Retreat in San Francisco for 3  

           days in May (spiritual) How to cope with the abuse and  

           how to find yourself again.
          Checking myself in to a Behavior Center in Sacramento

           already checked out all the facilities and by referrals

           this seems to be the best. (no parole’s, no men, no loose

           canons from the jail.) Should be able to sleep at night
          -Gave my husband the lates Patricia Evans book which is  

           called “Controlling People” which I read and it is my  

           husband 100%, and told him I can’t force you to do  

           anything, and I stood up to him and told him, I’m going

           to get help...MY WAY, that he is lucky to still have a  

           chance to make a difference of whether I stay or go.

           If reading the book he can not see himself as that person,

           that when I’m well enough to make a decision in our  

           relationship, then I’ll cross that bridge when I come to  

           it.
          -I am only focussing on my well being, not my marriage

           Told my husband that I have read every book available  

           to me and know him like the back of my hand, and he can

           no longer live behind his controlling ways, because he  

           is only humiliating himself..he is a open book in my

           house. Unfortunately I have read too many of them that

           I know what he will say before he says it and that just

           makes things so much worse and annoying.
          -What it took for me to say the above was fighting with

           no resolution, that I turned my head from him and felt

           for the first time that I was strong, I believed in

           myself, I felt pretty, etc. And that is when I told him

           the above and looked him straight in the eye with no  

           mumbled words very confident and didn’t waiver or allow

           him to take me off course.  No fighting with him any longer

           until I am well or he has made huge changes in his ways.

           (waste of time, doesn’t think the same way, no connection)

          And here I am, still very down, my husband has read 1 CHAPTER, and it will go unsaid, his choice. I joined a support group on line, and found this site by accident.

          I will look in the mirror again and recognize that person, but for now I will just be directed towards getting well.

          NOTHING is worth the life of your soul, if you are not growing as a individual, you must stop and take a look at what is going on in your life.  I would love to talk or connect with anyone who is having these problems or thinks that they might be experiencing what I have.  BECAUSE, I would feel so much better knowing I went through this to help another.  

          I can’t tell you how important it is, to get out of these relationships while you can mentally and physically.  Life is precious and it definitely doesn’t stand still, I found that out the hard way.  

          I will embrace life to the fullest, and I know that God will get me through this part of my journey and I know it will make me a better person.  I will love again with all my heart, We are not damaged goods unless we allow ourselves to keep it alive. Do all you can to let the past be the past, so you don’t miss one day of living in the present, every moment counts.

          Thank you for reading,  

          Together we embark on a new spiritual journey to build what is broken, restore what has been neglected, and reclaim a dream found only at his altar. We move from our problems to our possibilities.  

          God Bless,
          Cami



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          UK Girl wrote Apr 5, 2009
        • Cami,

          This is a very personal outpouring - are you okay now honey.
          We are all here to help and anytime you wnat to vent just post a blog you’ll find may friends who will offer support and help.

          The joy of women over 40 is they have travelled a bummpy road so know all the road blocks and how to get over them.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Freemenow wrote Apr 5, 2009
        • Well - finally 2 comments - nothing since January and finally 2 comments!

          We are being slaughtered daily and no comments on this sight since january! I lost two daughters in the last few months and i cry my heart out every day - i have no more daughters - but you do and yet - no comments for 4 months.  

          I am in a state of disbelief.

           What can be more important to talk about than the violence against women that goes on every single day? Please tell me?

          This site was started because my daughter Louisa got her brains blown out on 12/15/08 and already in January there was nothing more to say!

          I pray you and or your daughters are not next- it can happen to you - it happened to me - it happens every day . 4 women are killed every single day. hundreds are beat every single day. young girls thing Rihanna deserved to be beat- a survey of high school girls shows 57% said she probably deserved it.  It’s an epidemic.

          I think you need to rethink this NOW! BJ@Free-US-Now.com
          We are talking about it on the computer radio.We are blogging about it and i am trying to pass a law named after Louisa - join ME Please - before it is your daughter next!

          Monday Night soROARity
          Co Authors Dr. Phyllis Chesler & Marcia Pappas  

          “Gender Apartheid–Not Our Agenda”
          The authors have both been speaking out about honor killings in the West and have both described the recent Buffalo beheading of Aasiya Z. Hassan by her husband as an Islamist-style honor-related killing.
          Marcia Pappas, the President of NOW-NYS, has been scolded by national NOW's President and criticized by a coalition of domestic violence advocates for her views about this.
          Dr. Phyllis Chesler, the author of thirteen books, including Women and Madness, has been writing about Islamic gender apartheid and its penetration of the West for many years. She, too, has been challenged, even condemned, for her views about honor killings in general and for her views about the shocking case of Aasiya Z. Hassan, in particular.
          We decided to join forces and write a short piece. However, we discovered that brevity would not serve our goal. The problem is much bigger than honor-related violence, honor killings, or this one case in Buffalo. Indeed, the issue which we still face in 2009, is one that has plagued American feminist leaders for at least 171 years. The issue is that of racism and sexism and the diabolical way in which racism continues to trump sexism among feminists.
          No radio needed Our show is online- If your computer is down no problem call on the phone and hear the entire show right on the phone- Please come ! Monday 10 PM eastern/ Bring your questions.
          Call-in 347 539-5420 .

          Event: Free Us Now Radio Show
          What: Performance
          Host: BettyJean Kling
          Start Time: Monday, April 6 at 10:00pm
          End Time: Monday, April 6 at 11:30pm
          Where: [Link Removed]
          Call-in:  347 539-5420


          Freemenow, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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          Cami Chitwood wrote Apr 14, 2009
        • Freemenow!

          I had recently joined this group and seen all the information on your daughter, but no one really spoke of exactly what happened. I had tried to get more information from your profile which directed me to a site for your daughter at the hospital, but I couldn’t get into the site.
          I have prayed for you and your girls, and I did not know that they had passed on.  You have been weighing heavy on my mind and will continue to do so until I know that you are going to be alright.  You will never be the same, but I can only pray that you will beable to get some enjoyment out of your life.  If you have sons and grandkids do all you can to keep the focus on the blessing that you have.  I have to say my grandson has been my life line and I feel blessed even though I’m dead inside.  

          Everynight when I pray, I always end up feeling so selfish because I don’t want him to waste his time on me when theres people like you who really need him. I have nothing to offer you other than an ear, I won’t pretend to know how you feel, because I don’t and can’t go there if I tried.   I’m just so sorry for what you have and are going through, and I pray that you get support ASAP and connect with people who have been through similar experiences. My heart bleeds for you!   Please keep me informed on how you are doing.  My email address is [Link Removed]

          God be with you!
          Cami


          Cami043, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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          Cami Chitwood wrote Apr 14, 2009
        • UK Girl!
          Thank you for saying that; it felt good to get it out, but I’m certain I will get through this.  My biggest problem with talking to others, I don’t want to bring them down, so I don’t burden them with my problems.  And when I joined this site I thought maybe I shouldn’t because this is suppose to be a happy place, but I’m really glad I did and it’s nice to see that there is something here for everyone.

          Thanks again!
          Cami



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Cami Chitwood wrote Apr 14, 2009
        • One thing I can offer from what I’ve learned is you have to set boundaries so this doesn’t happen to you.  I have been very naive to think that everyone is good, especially the one who vowed to be there and take care of me is the one who disabled my soul, which is one of the worst things imaginable to me.  

          I have set my boundaries and they are have cemented, and he is not allowed to ever cross the line.  

          I just can’t believe all those years of feeling confused and wondering why we couldn’t even talk about the weather will out it being an issue boggled me.  He never made me feel good about myself, and I thought it just must be me and expressing this to my mom and sister; they said at the time “your just use to guys gauking all over you“, I heard what they said, but something wasn’t right.  And Patricia Evans books are good for everyone to read.  I have read where Psychologist and Psychiatrist have actually went through what I have without knowing.  Its very sly and a slow death for your soul and then one day you just drop to the ground and become defenseless, and in your mind you say you must be right.  I felt through out my relationship with my husband he would always jokingly point out a flaw or one of my weaknesses, this is how he communicated, sarcastically, critical of everything I did or didn’t do, and I found myself defending who I was to my husband on every aspect of my being.  So I’m recommending everyone, even those from the most stable of homes please read these books.

          Thanks for reading,
          Cami



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