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He’s 3 - and has a charming smile, a loud laugh, and is as innocent as the rest. It hurts my heart to know that because his mother, my 23 yr old step-daughter, and I are not speaking that a chance at being a grandma to him is not possible.
Yes, I hear your immediate response - swallow your pride and make up, for his sake. C‘mon - you know that it isn’t that easy. I could tell you she is not mature enough, I am too mature, there is so much anger built up, on the list goes. But really, she is his mother and if it were me, I might just do the same thing.
On the few days we get to see our grandson, and I do think of him as a grandson - not step-grandson (that’s getting too difficult to say out loud) she is not here. She is still not totally welcome in our house, after the things she has done. But we make the effort. On her terms. When she needs a babysitter and no one else can do it, and we are on the bottom of the list. And when he calls me Oma, it’s wonderful.
I understand your plight. Years ago I was in a relationship with a man whose son and girlfriend were expecting a child. I said something the girl didn’t like and that was it. No relationship for me or the child’s grandfather. I realize that in your case it’s the mother of the child who is the issue but it still feels the same. When the baby was born, the young dad snuck the child over to our house so we could see her. Eventually everything was resolved and we were both able to share in the little one’s life.
Now I’m married to a man whose 29 year old daughter has a 4 year old. They live in our cottage. We have free access to our granddaughter but my husband and I both have issues with his daughter. It’s so hard to hold my tongue and not speak my mind but she’s prone to disappearing for weeks at a time, leaving our granddaughter with her mom and then we don’t see her at all.
Step-parenting can sometimes be the most difficult job in the world in my view. It’s such a delicate balance.
I hope that your step daughter’s maturity grows and she’s able to make peace in the family. What she’s doing only hurts you, your husband and your grandson.
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