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  • support after family tragedy

    3 posts, 3 voices, 935 views, started Dec 31, 2011

    Posted on Saturday, December 31, 2011 by Hollie Smith

    • Amethyst

      Hello, I have been a member for a couple of months, but have been shy.  I have been dealing with the loss of my daughter since July.  She was 17 months old.  She was so wonderful and fun.  I miss her so much I could not put it into words. I had initial support and I have a wonderful friend that lives several hours away and never ceases to call me on hard days to encourage me somehow.  I guess I just feel I need friends like I never have before.  I have 6 other children which I homeschool, therefore I don’t get involved with other things or people much.  I am really busy.  I am having a very difficult time lately with Christmas and her birthday is coming up on January 21.  I want to do something special on her birthday for my family.  I have a couple of ideas.  It is going to be heart wrenching.  It is so hard because it was an accident.  It wasn’t supposed to happen. She was so healthy and perfect.  She had such a beautiful smile.  My daughter drowned. The events that happened that day are haunting us. Thank you for taking the time to read.  I hope I can get more involved in the community.  I am trying to figure it out.

        • +1 votes vote up vote up

          Mary Clark wrote Dec 31, 2011
        • Hollie...first let me say how terribly sorry I am about your daughter.  I can’t even begin to imagine what you and your family have been through.  There are no words to describe your pain.  Being that I’ve not lost a child I can’t really say what you should do or what you shouldn’t do.  I have always said that I would never judge anyone that has lost a child.  If they ran around a block naked I would be like “oh well...I’m amazed they even got out of bed.”  We all handle grief differently...some better than others.  It’s not the same for everyone.  With that said..all I can say for me as a Christian would be that I would lean heavily on my Lord and Savior. He is the only one that can truly get you through these horrible times in life.  I have saying on my facebook that says:

          “To have God on our side doesn’t mean sailing on a boat with no storms, it means having a boat that no storm can sink!” Make sure you have the BEST BOAT!!!

          There is a woman at my church whose estranged husband went off the deep end...and drown both of her precious boys (her only children)and shot himself right after Christmas about 4 years ago.  It was horrible.  I couldn’t imagine her grief but she showed our church and our community that she could weather any storm as long as she had God on her side.  She promised her boys that she would live her life as God would want her to so that she would see them again in heaven.  And that is what she has done. Not saying she has not had bad days...because she has but since then she has remarried a wonderful man who was divorced and had two children of his own and they have had a little girl together.  It’s all about our choices.  We can choose to wallow in our grief or we can choose to kick it all in the butt.  I know easier said than done but we can try.  

          Surround yourself with or old.  Lean on them...God put them there for you.  Let people help you...and in return place a focus on others in helping them.  In return it will help you.  I know all over the country they have support groups for parents who have lost children.  Find one and attend.  Do whatever it takes to keep YOU healthy so you can be the mother you want to be for your other children.  I’m sure they are hurting too but they deserve YOU as their mother.  

          I will pray for you and your family.  Feel free to message me anytime.

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        • +1 votes vote up vote up

          Tuliplady wrote Dec 31, 2011
        • Hi Hollie,
          I’m so glad you posted. You’ve come to a great place to make friends and find support.

          I agree wholeheartedly with everything Mary said.  She’s a wise woman who gives good advice.

          I lost an 18 month old son many many years ago.  He had extensive health issues, so it was not a surprise, but it still left me with empty arms, and there is no way to fix that or make it feel better- ever.  Except time.

          If you want to do something special on your daughter’s birthday, go ahead and bake the cake and throw the party and have a rememberance.  I did that first year after my son died, just for the sake of me and my daughter who was then 4.  And even now 20 years later, we still sometimes do something in honor of his birthday.  

          I recently shared with a woman I didn’t know very well that I’d lost a son (she had told me about losing a grandson) and the first thing she said was “tell me what he liked” and it was so wonerful to be able to remember the neat things about Aaron instead of just hearing the usual “I’m so sorry.”  I got to tell about who he was instead of just that my son had died.

          Feel free to share here, or private message, or whatever you need. We‘re here for you! heart heart heart

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