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  • Teen Aged Daughters

    13 posts, 5 voices, 1137 views, started Oct 1, 2008

    Posted on Wednesday, October 1, 2008 by Ama922

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    • Amethyst
      Offline

      Ok, so I love my girls like I never thought I would be able to.  I remember being so afraid to have a daughter.  My son was so “easy” to love - girls frightened me.  Then, the minute I saw my sonogram, I fell in love with her.  She has been easy to love ever since.

      Well, up until a few months ago that is.  She was the most easy-going, big hearted person I knew.  I admired my girl.  Then she entered High School, joined the color guard competition team and began having a life of her own.  I was no longer her confidant, best friend.  In fact, I wasn’t much more than someone to do her bidding at her whim.  UGH!  I do not like my darling daughter.  In fact, I like her friends much better than I like her.  Probably because I do not live with them.   I am really tired of bending over backwards in order to be a part of her life but I really do not want to cut myself out of it, or worse, have her cut me out.

      In my rational mind, I know that this too shall pass and that we are just building a healthy, more adult relationship.  In fact, it will pass just in time for my next daughter to enter the phase.

      Please let us always celebrate Bitch day!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          M2pjulie wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • YOU ARE SINGING TO THE CHOIR GIRL.

          I wasn’t supposed to be able to HAVE children, so when I conceived my daughter I was thrilled. I have doted on this child, sacrificed the last 19 years of my life for her (it does begin 9 months before birth, right?), and put her every whim before my own needs. 22 months after the surprise of my daughter came my son. I had the exact opposite reaction that you had - I was terrified of raising a boy but was fine raising a girl. I have loved them both to distraction, but there was a definite bond between mother/daughter that wasn’t quite the same between mother/son. That has changed over the last several years, but emphatically so since about March 2006. Cameron and I are exceptionally tight now, and he’s just the most awesome person I know. My daughter, however, has become the bitch from the bowels of Hell. She’s a freshman in college, and I couldn’t get her out of the house fast enough. We have repeated wars, even from a distance. The girl just uses and abuses everyone around her, is truly a “Paris Hilton-esque Diva” in her own mind. She has some very hard lessons ahead of her, and I can tell already that every inconvenience she experiences will be laid at my feet, entirely my fault. I love her, truly adore her, but let me assure you of one fact: I REALLY DISLIKE HER. The best days are those where I can see she’s been active on her Facebook account, so I know she’s ok, but where I don’t have to have any interaction with her at all. I need to know she’s alive and well, I just don’t need her “up in my grill or riding my dang bumper” (teen-eze for “in my face or up my butt,” but you probably knew that).

          God BLESS you, and you hang on. I’m confident that you nor I are the only ones feeling these traumatic waves pounding our maternal instincts. One day, yes, these girls will be back. But the damage they’ve caused through their growing pains is, for me at least, irreparable and things will not ever be the same. She will not be allowed to use me anymore. I have HAD it.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Molly Rosen wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • I don’t know if I am supposed to join in the bitching here or offer advice.  I can totally relate to what you are saying.  My youngest daughter is 14.  We were always extremely close, until she hit puberty and I was cut out of her life, no longer a friend, only someone put on the earth to give her what she wants.  

          I was very sad about it (OK, devastated) and took it very personally, until I had an awakening of sorts—in my case it was a bit extreme, I actually became suicidal and checked myself into the hospital.  There, I had some time to think and process things, and finally understood that I should not be looking to her to be a friend to me.  What’s going on is completely natural and right, as bad as it feels.  I realized I needed to cultivate my adult friendships, and allow her to cultivate her teen friendships (which are the most important thing to her right now), have her private life that she doesn’t share with me and stop trying to make her talk to me.

          I have found that on occasion she will choose on her own to open up to me and then she just pours it all out.  

          Also, if you can make yourself less available to her to do her bidding at her whim by having your own things to do, I think that takes back some of your power (as it should be).  She will have to learn that Mom is a human being and has her own life, and she needs to coordinate in advance if she needs you—otherwise, she might find herself SOL (sh*t outta luck).



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          Ajousou wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • My daughter is eleven going on I don’t know what and she is an only child.  Over the past year she has acted as though the world revolves around her.  Everything has to be “now” and “her way.”  Some days I do so crazy. She is so hard to please.  I know it is the hormones partly but there are so many kids that are kind and pleasant to their parents. Why can’t she be nice to me more often? My husband and I do so much for her but it is just never enough.  Oh and the debates and arguments.  Geez!!!!  I am so glad I get to bitch today.  I wish I had more time to really gather my thoughts on this issue because I have a lot more to say but it just isn’t coming to me at the moment!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Amy L. Harden wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • Yes, I have one of these daughters also...one just like the one’s that have been described above...in fact, my oldest used to be that way until she left for college...and then reality and life set in...she has come out of the haze...taken off her “Bitch/DIVA” costume and has actually become a beautiful human being.  Now, this other daughter is in full swing of the phase of her life...she sees nothing as fair in her life.  Someone is always out to get her.  When you look up “Drama Queen” in the dictionary...my daughter’s picture is there!  For the past two years she has actually turned my whole household upside down...caused every argument, unrest or discontent since 2006.  She has placed her father and I in some very precarious positions, including going to court for her inability to get her butt out of bed to go school and still chooses to do these behaviors despite knowing that she could get in a heck of a lot of trouble.  It is sad to say that not only my H and my other children are counting the days until this child is old enough to move out and give the family some peace.  

          I am afraid her wake-up call is going to be a BIG one...nothing we have done to give her that wake-up call has worked...it IS coming!  I feel guilty at times because out of all five of my children...this is the one that I find most difficult to unconditional love at times.  She challenges my patience, manipulates and is never satisfied.  This child is most like me, when I was young...just kick it up about 50 notches...Forgive me, Mom (she said looking toward heaven) if I ever was as challenging as this daughter...it is any wonder that you and Dad didn’t boot me out long before I chose to leave.  The situation is so bad in our home that if this child comes in to the room all her siblings leave to protect themselves from the attack that surely come very soon after she is in their presence.  My youngest came to me the other day and promised that she would never be like her sister.  I said...“Good...because it would definitely kill me or at least leave me in a corner drooling and in a stupor if you are.

          She turns 18 next month...she graduates from High School next Spring...her wake-up moment is a comin‘!!!  She will be on her own...a choice that she has made...not one that we have given.  She will no longer have her parents car, her father paying her cellphone bill,be required to go to college, get a job...pay rent if she decides to stay home or get an apartment.  Our older one has done just fine with these requirements...this second daughter will be following suit.  She is in for the shock of her life....and it will be all our fault, I am afraid....we are the worst and meanest parents in the world, ya know...oh, well...

          Thanks for allowing me to ‘bitch’ about this.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          M2pjulie wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • Shepherdess, by chance is your daughter’s name Beth? Because your daughter/my daughter are surely the same. It’s pretty shocking that I’m finding solice just in knowing that I‘M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!! Mentally, of course I knew this, but emotionally (when I’m breaking down and wondering how I can keep this up) I have felt very isolated and alone.

          I am grateful, if you can believe this, for Facebook directing me here. You ladies have become my support team! Thank you!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Molly Rosen wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • Can we start our own support group on here?  I looked previously for support groups for moms of teen girls and only found stuff for moms of little kids.  Unless I missed something...??  I definitely think we need our own!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Amy L. Harden wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • Yes...yes, a support group for Mom’s of teen daughters is a GREAT idea!  I will probably need one for a teen son also soon...I have two more daughters coming up here, along with a son.  God give me strength!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Ajousou wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • Hi again,
          Even though my daughter is eleven, she is acting like a young teen and I want in on the support group too.  We can put our issues out there and then we can all help each other cope with them!  Count me in.  It will save me a lot of money on therapy that I am paying here in Dubai.  Shrinks aren’t covered by insurance!!!



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          M2pjulie wrote Oct 2, 2008
        • I’m definitely in on the support group idea. It’s a far superior idea than “Grief Counseling” HA!!!

          Ajousou - I will be in Dubai in December! I can hardly wait! 4 days in Dubai, then 3 in Maldives - I NEED AN ESCAPE!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Molly Rosen wrote Oct 2, 2008
        • OKAY, everyone, the group has been created!  Parents of Teens with Attitudes is up and running and waiting for your posts.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          M2pjulie wrote Oct 2, 2008
        • I can’t find the new group. Could you message me from the page so I can find it? Sorry - the hair’s natural and it is deep...



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Molly Rosen wrote Oct 2, 2008
        • I don’t know how to msg you from the group.  I didn’t find it in the regular list, either—not sure why!  I looked under “my groups” and then I found it.  Try going to http://fabulously40.com/group/196/Parents-of-Teens-with-Attitudes/

          I will see what I did wrong and why it’s not showing up on the group list.  I already sent a msg to the site folks asking how to publicize the group...


          Sansimeongirl, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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