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  • The Different Stages of Divorce Healing - Facing your Fear!

    3 posts, 3 voices, 477 views, started Aug 11, 2008

    Posted on Monday, August 11, 2008


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      Growing by facing your Fears
      One of the first emotions that I experienced when my husband and I separated was fear. I would have thought it would be anger, but that came later. Fear is what showed up first for me. Fear of being alone, fear of the unknown and fear of being a failure  

      I was married for sixteen years. My whole life revolved around my husband and my daughter. When my marriage fell apart, I did not have much of a support system in place. After the tears subsided somewhat and reality set in; I was what I feared most in my life, a divorced single mom. A gut wrenching feeling of fear set in.  

      Fear Defined
      What is fear? Rhonda Britten author of Fearless Living defines fear as "... both the cause and effect of the feelings, thoughts, or actions that prohibit you from accepting yourself and realizing your full potential. It is the gate keeper of your comfort zone".  If you look at fear as an acronym, false evidence appearing real, it is much easier to face.  If whatever it is that you are afraid of is really false then you can set it aside or move through it. Now doesn't that make life seem easier?  

      Facing One of Your Biggest Fears: Failure
      The best way I have found to combat fear is to just face it head on and move through it. Many people are fearful of failure. I say define failure. Just because you do not achieve what you set out to, does it mean you failed or does it mean that you were just not meant to achieve that particular goal? When you are in a situation where you feel you failed, ask yourself what was it that I gained or learned? You can always learn from it, so in essence it can not be a failure then, can it?  

      If nothing else you should congratulate yourself for taking the risk. Many people are too paralyzed by fear that they are unwilling to take the risk. The fact that you took the risk is worthy of praise and admiration. If you are afraid to try something because you might fail, think about the worse case scenario then ask yourself; if I do this will I survive? Unless the worse case scenario is death, you can survive so just do-it; "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger".  

      A great story depicting this very thing can be found in Dale Carnegie's book "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living".  You will be amazed how great you feel for taking the risk.

      Challenging You!
      So I challenge you to look fear in the face today and take a risk. You will be glad you did. You will be amazed how great you feel for taking the risk. What a self esteem builder and if nothing else it will give you a great story to tell your children, grandchildren or friends. If you take me up on my challenge and walk outside your comfort zone I would love to hear about your adventure, email me at [Link Removed]

      More about Fear
      Want to gain more tools to help you remove the fear in your life that is keeping you stuck? Sign up for the [Link Removed] and gain the support you need from a community who understands.

      Divorcecoach, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Juliefought wrote Aug 22, 2008
        • I have always had a hard time breaking up...hence bad marriage of 18 yrs. I finally have had it, but I am scared.

          1- never supported self
          2- Husband is violent
          3- no start up $
          4- no longterm job experience, but will have a BA in journalism real soon!!

          How do I get away?

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