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  • Trying not to cry but not succeeding

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    16 posts, 13 voices, 2402 views, started Jan 4, 2009

    Posted on Sunday, January 4, 2009 by Psalmist

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    • Garnett
      Offline

      I know there are others out there like me, so I’m not asking for sympathy, or anyone to join my little temporary pity party.  Just wanted to cry on someone’s shoulder for a minute, someone I know who understands.

      I’ve always wanted children, in fact all my life I was told that I would be the best mother because of my nurturing instincts and my aversion to letting someone shed tears alone.  I’ve helped to raise so many other children, but none of my own.  I watched my little sister, who never wanted children and was even told by her gynecologist that she would never have children, give birth to one of the most amazing little boys in the world (okay, so I’m a little biased) and become the best mommy I know.  I’ve never known that joy for myself, even though my nephew is the light of my life.

      I’ve gone to baby showers, and oohed and aahed over beautiful little dresses and precious little sailor suits, all the while aching inside for my own little bundle of joy.  I’ve gazed with not a little envy at growing bellies, and raged when I hear of someone finding an abandoned baby in a trash can. I’ve prayed with other childless sisters countless times and watched the Lord bless some of them with wonderful children, while my nest still goes empty.

      Mind you, I love the freedom of being able to pick up at a moment’s notice and go when and where I want, or sleep in on days’ off, or not have to worry at night about someone out after curfew.  I love that I don’t have to feel the unfathomable heartache of a temporarily ungrateful child saying, “I hate you” after I’ve given up almost anything for that child’s life.  But still, like now, just sometimes...

      Again, I’m not looking for sympathy, just someone to say, “I understand.”

      +2
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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Richardson wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • Psalmist, I personally don’t know your pain because I have mothered two daughters and currently helping with my grand daughter, but i have a sister, my oldest sister who is 55yrs. old still longing and trying to have a baby. She has been married for 12 years to one of the most wonderful men in my opinion and he longs for a child of his own as well, but she just can’t seem to give him one. They have been going through the artifical insimulation thing for years she has gotten pregnant a few times but, to no end she lost them. She was buying baby clothes and the whole bit in hopes of one day becoming a mom, but she is still motherless. My heart goes out to you, her and the countless others who long to be a parent. Have you tried other methods? or even thought about adoption? Who says that being a biological parent is the only way? I know if you‘re like my sister you just want to experience the whole pregnancy thing.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          UK Girl wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • I’m listening honey .........



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Theresa Simmons wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • I want you to know,that i understand. I,ll allways be here for you.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Cynthia Schmidt wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • Kindrid spirits. Me too. There’s an emptiness that can’t be filled no matter how many “other people’s” children we helped to raise.

          I send you hugs and understanding.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Karyn Olson wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • I too will not understand your pain and frustration as I have raised my two daughters and now my grandson...but eldest daughter is in that position...she is 25 and unable to have a baby...not sure why though...she has tried and tried...

          Here is a miracle story that I would like to share...My Aunt Bernice tried for years to have a baby...but she just could not get pregnant...finally in her late 30’s she gave up all hope of having a baby...she just turned it over and accepted the fact that she could not have one...then one day...great news...she was pragnant...she was just under 40 yrs old when she delivered a healthy baby girl she named Amber Dawn...she doted on her and she was her miracle baby and her princess....but sadly on July 31 of this past year my aunt passed away from complications of cancer....I am so thankful to God that she was able to be a mother...even if only for a short time...



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          Linni wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • i will always be here for you my friend!

          Love to you



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          Denise Richardson wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • Amen, girl I’m already an emotional mess with my brother and all but hey I’m shedding tears for you as well as with you my sweet friend, my thoughts, love, blessings, and ear are with you always.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Almostfive0 wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • Psalmist, you know you’ve got lots of ears here that will listen, shoulders to cry on and hearts open wide to receive you.
          You may not know the reasons why now but lessons will reveal themselves to you in divine order.
          Peace.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Psalmist wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • Thank you ALL so very much.  Like I said, it was just a temporary pity party, and with the latest news on Louisa, my emotions just overflowed.  So thank you everyone for your support, love, encouragement, prayers, advice, shoulders, ears, confidence and all that came with it.  I will keep you posted on any new developments, but in the meantime keep being the wonderful circle of women that you are.  I feel better just knowing you all are on my side, 'cause just from talking with you all over the last couple of weeks, I know I'd be in a heap of trouble if I were the one that caused any of you pain (what?!?! huh!!!). happy



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          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • Many ears! Different shapes! Different heights! To listen to you for many more years!



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          Denise Richardson wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • You‘re more than welcome I’m here anytime if you just want to talk or vent just send me a holla! “SMOOCHEZZZZZZZZZ” ; *



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          Slb wrote Jun 13, 2012
        • It’s downright painful, the pain of not having kids, and watching everyone around you hit those milestones, knowing you have so much live to give. I know your pain so well. I’m the oldest of 3 girls, the only unmarried, non mom, non homeowner, non lucrative fabulous career one. I feel like a failure most of the time. But none of that compares to he grief I feel over the realization that I just gav the last of my child bearing years to a man who changed his mind... hang in, I guess.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Nita P wrote Jun 13, 2012
        • it took my husband and i 3 years to conceive our first child. this was after fertility drugs and other various procedures to find out what was happening with me.  we are so thankful it took only 3 years. but in that time my husband and i were frantic, emotional and to some degree robotic.  we just became madly driven.  i became tearful with other peoples children so i stayed away from family gatherings and brought pets to comfort me.  at night we wept and told very few of what was happening in our lives.  at one point we even questioned our marriage.  a marriage without children seemed unimaginable.  here i am years later with 2 teenagers, my second child born at 25 weeks.  i wish u all the best and comfort...Slbheartheart



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