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  • Valley of Waiting

    20 posts, 12 voices, 738 views, started Aug 29, 2008

    Posted on Friday, August 29, 2008 by Sandy Ochoa-West

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    • Aquamarine
      Offline

      Well our Pastor has been going through Genesis and talking about how Abram and Sarai decided to take matters into their own hands when God told them they would have a child and then it didn’t happen for a long time. Of course Sarai had Abram sleep with Haggar and she bore him a son Ishmael. Of course God came through when at the ripe old age of 90 or so Sarah (name changed by God) had Issac.
      Ok this is my dilema: I have been dealing with an issue in my marriage for 10 or so years and frankly I AM TIRED OF WAITING!!!!! Some days I just want to give up, but I know that God has a plan for me and my marriage, if only he would give me a glimpse!!! Any one else in the Valley of Waiting?????



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          Debict wrote Aug 29, 2008
        • I’m afraid that I’ve neve been very good at waiting.  I’ve been married a few times (I don’t recommend it to others) One thing that I’ve learned in all the mistakes that I’ve made is that ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away.  Marriage counseling, individual counseling, just sitting down and talking out the issues in a respectful way together are ways to tackle tough issues.  If it’s an issue that’s been going on a long time, it may be quite difficult to aproach the topic the first time.  It takes two.  If the other person doesn’t know that there’s an issue or doesn’t agree, then you‘re in a dead end.  Compromise is often the answer.  These are all generalizations, it’s difficult to give advice, when I don’t the particulars.  I’ve been married now for 7 years (together for almost 10) and it’s been the best thing in my life.  I’ve found that respect, communication, and appreciation are the most important things.  Oh yeah, all the physical stuff is important too.  It doesn’t have to always be sex, but touching and intamacy is important, whoever initiates it.  There’s my two cents (more like two dollars, I suppose).  Deb



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          Nadine Laratte-Belk wrote Aug 29, 2008
        • Hi,
          I was in that exact same position three weeks ago but I finally able to say that the waiting is over.  I was married for seven years and kept hoping and waiting for things to change but instead my situation just kept getting worse.  Problems cannot be solved if only one person is always a fault.  I prayed daily for an answer and God gave me the answer by blessing me with my son eighteen months ago.  It is through his birth that I finally realized that I was in a mentally abusive relationship.  To make a long story short,  I was hesitant when leaving but now I finally realize that the grass is greener on the other side.  So, waiting takes patience and with patience you will begin to listen to your inner voice which will lead you to the proper decision.  Good luck. Nadine



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          Sandy Ochoa-West wrote Aug 30, 2008
        • Wow, thanks ladies I am so grateful for you comments and already feel encouraged and uplifted. I know that God is the great counselor but if you would pray for me that my husband would finally agree to go to couseling with our Pastor I would really appreciated it. Sassy



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          Amy L. Harden wrote Aug 30, 2008
        • sassy:

          May I take a different tact here...giving you something to consider...it is my opinion but it is one that has come from much wrestling with the devil, a journey through the valley of the shadows and a return to the fold after God relentlessley purused me:

          After many years of discouragement with my marriage, deep depression and continued failure at finding peace for my family and my personal life, I went off the deep end in to a massive mid-life crisis.  No matter how hard I prayed to God to heal my family, solve my  problems within my marriage relationship, pour wisdom and compassion down upon my husband’s head...I chose to turn my back on God and search for the answers outside of my marriage and family.  I became lost, confused and frustrated with the years of unhappiness and continual failures at trying to make my marriage work and gain peace in my home.  I blamed my husband and my children for my lot in life...I thought I was doing everything I could to make things better.  I became consumed by my role as a wife and more over, allowed my role as a mother get in the way and drain my cup of any ability to being a vibrant, happy human being.  No matter how hard I tried my cup never was full...half full...it was downright bone dry...in fact, when I turned my back on God...I didn’t have a cup at all...I just ran like the prodigal.  I spent two years wrestling with the devil, searching, justifying and blaming my husband for my unhappy life.  All the while God kept on whispering to me...“It’s not about you, your husband or family, Amy...it’s about Me and what my plan is for you.  How can I share my plan with you...if you don’t even know who YOU are...stop running away from the real reason why you are so unhappy...stop blaming everyone else for your saddness and discontent...stop being a victim of your own choosing...start listening to who I think you are and can be...start setting yourself up for success in your life, start growing the gifts and talents that I placed within you long ago, see the passion that I placed in your soul when you were a child, utilize the growing and learning experiences I have given.  Nothing in your life is in vain...to me all things are a possibility waiting to happen. Listen, obey my urgings...empty your heart of preconceived expectations, open your mind to what I have been offering you and you have been dismissing as improbable.  Be patient, for I will grow you within my timeline NOT yours...be prepared for far bigger blessings than you have ever dreamed or prayed for...know in your heart of heart’s that it your heart’s desire that I want for you...not this season of discontent that you have chosen.  Turn your focus away from the things that bind you...this does not mean that you leave the communion that I have blessed and the children that I have placed in your care...it means that you look at what You are doing in these relationships that is keeping them from being a blessing. Ask for the guidance of change in You in these things  Only this do you have control over...leave the other’s growth and nurturing to Me.”  

          For years, God patiently stood by waiting for me to realize that He was in control...it took a complete state of brokeness for me to turn toward God and a complete willingness to allow Him to be the author of my life, my marriage and my family.  He gently took me by the hand and slowly healed my heart, revealed truths about my marriage, my husband and my children...my life that I had never considered before because of my pride, resentment and bitterness would not allow me to believe that I was at fault.  I changed my perspective, chose to work at my life with my husband and children...and amazingly enough He had been working on them also, so when my changes occurred, so did theirs.  Today, I am in a renewed relationship with my husband and children...my marriage is thriving...my life as a woman and child of God is fulfilling and has purpose, because I am most wonderfully made, talented and gifted in God’s eyes, with His purpose as my number one priority....from this all blessings flow for all other facets of my life.  He is truly giving me my heart’s desire!

          Can this also be what is going on with you?  

          Prayer is a powerful thing...but the important thing about prayer is that we are praying about and for the right things...it is the specifics in the prayer.  Go to counseling without your husband, if he is refusing...maybe God has a message to deliver to you first before He brings you together as a couple in this venue.  Maybe God has deemed You to be the messenger to your husband...but you have to go to receive the message first...you can’t deliver it, if you haven’t received it yet.  You can’t receive the message, if God is still growing you to hear it.

          I am only planting a seed of consideration here...in the mean time I will pray that God open your heart to the possibilities.

          Shepherdess



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          Sandy Ochoa-West wrote Aug 30, 2008
        • Shepherdess,
          Wow you have given me a lot to think about. I have been going to counseling and am working hard on deepening my relationship with God and changing me into the women he created me to be. I know that God is faithful to complete what he has begun and I know that my hubby and I are together for a reason and that when everything falls in to place it will be God that is glorified. I guess right now I am tired and overwhelmed, but hearing from all of you has refreshed me and givin me the desire and the fight to get back in the ring and punch the hell out of Satan!!!
          Thank you for your kindness and encouragement.



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          Shirley Bullock wrote Aug 31, 2008
        • oh if we would listen to be ye not unequally yoked to begin with how much heart ache that would take care of. God condones divorce only in the circumstance of unfaithfullness of your spouse. Many sinner spouses are brought to God by a faithful wife or husband. But I also know that God gives you a brain and wants you to use it, those who are abused probably have children that are being abused.........get out! then have your spouse get counseling. If you are one that cannot leave your abuser please talk to someone..........God will send angels to help you. I was ready to leave my husband and found out I had diabetes. That made me stop and say I guess part of it is my fault...........irritability being part of the diagnosis. It isn’t much better but I handle things better.
          So God works in many many different ways



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          Kelly Jolley wrote Aug 31, 2008
        • I love what shepherdess said.. also take a deep breath and listen... God will talk to you and let you know what your supposed to do.. or in my case yell at me..lol the one thing that keeps me going is the song by Garth Brooks.. unanswered prayers... what we want and what God wants are two diffrent things sometimes.... Sassy just listen......



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          Sandy Ochoa-West wrote Aug 31, 2008
        • You are all blessings in my life, thank you from the bottom of my grateful heart



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          Debict wrote Aug 31, 2008
        • I just wanted to say something about being in an abusive relationship.

          It is NEVER your fault that you were abused, EVER!  There is nothing that you could do or say that would warrant being struck, punched, or demoralized in any way.  

          Every woman deserves to be treated with respect and dignity as does every man, and child for that manner.

          Further, I’ve learned that counseling rarely helps the abuser completely.  Don’t think that you can change someone.  YOU CAN‘T!  They have to want to change and then only they can do what it takes to make change happen in themselves.  

          The only thing that you can do is change yourself and your living conditions.  It can take a huge amount of courage to make a change in the best of circumstances.  For others, it could mean leaving a comfortable home and a decent life (on the surface).

          There are many women’s shelters out there who can give counseling to women in this situation, they don’t require that you leave.  That’ your decision.  Only you can take care of yourself.  If there are children involved and even if he isn’t outwardly abusing them, every time he abuses you and they hear or are witness to it, they ARE being abused.

          As you can see, I do feel strongly about the topic.  I was an abused child myself.  Please don’t feel helpless or like a victim.  Take the firs step, make a call, get help.  You‘re worth it



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          Teresa Lugo wrote Aug 31, 2008
        • Wow! God is good! I am sitting here just exploring through this Fabulously 40 website that i registered for just a couple of weeks ago and I come across you ladies! God always guides me where he wants me to go. I am in a similar situation in my marriage right now, my husband and I are (temporarily) separated and I am believing God for the restoration of my marriage. Reading this blog has helped me tremendously, I really believe he got me here for a reason and I am now praising him once more today and giving him all the glory.



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          Sandy Ochoa-West wrote Aug 31, 2008
        • Debict, I just want to let you know and all of you ladies know that I am not being physically abused.  My husband is a Christian but is in bondage to alcohol. what my blog in the Valley of Waiting said is that I have been dealing with a situation in my marriage for a long time. He goes to church with me and we do a devotion together as a family. But I am also a recovering addict myself and know that struggle of wanting to do the right thing and continuing to do the wrong thing. So prayer warriors, get to prayin. I believe that God does the same miracles today as he did 2000 years ago!!!



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          Lisa Jander wrote Sep 1, 2008
        • Sassy,

          I know all too well the bondage of alcohol. My husband has been sober now for 11 years (we have been married for 20). It was a very hard road but the hardest part was not what I expected.
          I thought once he got sober, everything would be better. He worked so hard at his sobriety and was victorious by God’s hand. The part I was not prepared for was that the man I fell in love with was the one that was drinking. He was fun, romantic, communicative, understanding...
          When he came out of treatment 11 years ago, I felt like I had been divorced and then placed in an arranged marriage overnight.  I did not know this new man. I did not even like this new man.

          I, too, am in waiting.  He has never chosen to deal with the reasons why he drank or the relationships that needed restoring.  My son left for college last week and my daughter has 2 more years. I cannot imagine staying in this house with him when the kids are gone. He is depressed, angry, self-centered—basically, the devil got a foothold with the alcohol and is using it still.

          There is no abuse, just neglect and self preservation. I pray for him to be able to experience the life the kids and I have. We invite him to concerts, rugby games, dinner parties and he would rather take to the chair and TV...the new addiction.

          Here is my point. Had I known then...I believe for us, alcohol was a just a symptom of depression...a coping mechanism.  When God heals your husband from the bottle, I would encourage you to pray for the deliverance from whatever got him there to begin with.

          I have seen many marriages transformed by God. Only He can make it so. In the mean time for me, I continue to pursue God and know Him and love Him.

          I will leave you with this. On one very lonely day, I cried out to God with a broken heart. Feeling like a complete failure in my marriage and the love department, I heard God ask through my tears “What do you think will be the first question I ask you when we are face to face?” I whispered back “You will ask what I di to save my marriage and honor You“? And God answered me so sweetly. He said “No my beloved, I will ask you “Would you like to dance?”

          Be still my heart. Jesus is the love of my life.

          In His Grip,
          Lisa J



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          Debict wrote Sep 1, 2008
        • Sassy, my last comment was more directed at someone in a previous comment who mentioned abuse regarding their own situation.

          Alcohol is also a difficult situation.  God bless you in your life and may He guide you down the right path.



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          Teresa Lugo wrote Sep 5, 2008
        • Thank you LC that scripture is exactly what I needed to read toda after the disappointment I had with my husband today!
          The Lord gives us situations that do lead us from strengh to strengh and I praise him for that because it just prepares us for the next trial in our life. I also know he makes good out of all wrong. Thank you Lord for taking me to this group of ladies.



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          Shirley Bullock wrote Sep 6, 2008
        • Dear Heavenly Father remember each person represented here, lead guide and direct them remember thier joys and thier woes, put your hand upon them this coming week. Amen



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          Cheryl Sharpton wrote Sep 6, 2008
        • My hubby is a wonderful man and growing in his relationship with Christ.  Unfortunately, it took my being diagnosed with Cancer to bring him to this point but the end result is that he knows we won’t get through this without God’s help. He encourages me to seek knowledge through education and self expression.  I was always a child of GOD so I feared nothing.   It is so powerful to see a man submit to GOD.  I hope everyone on this board finds peace in slumber tonight and for many nights to come.



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          Sandy Ochoa-West wrote Sep 7, 2008
        • Heavenly Father,
          Take us from these valleys to the mountaintops, let us learn from this experience so that our tests become our testimonies and our mess becomes our message. Grow us into the likeness of you and allow our lights to shine in this dark world and lead others to your kingdom. In you precious name, Amen
          God bless all you ladies today



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