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  • Welcome - Introductions

    38 posts, 19 voices, 2178 views, started Jul 22, 2008

    Posted on Tuesday, July 22, 2008

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      Aquamarine
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      Hello, I am Lisa Fredette the founder of the Passionate about Life after Divorce Group. My mission is to support women who are facing divorce to turn this challenge into something fabulous. I would like to see all women step into their power through their divorce.  

      I have been divorced for almost 4 years, was separated for one year prior to the divorce being finalized. I was married for 16 years, we had one daughter who was 15 at the time of the divorce. Although the journey through my divorce recovery was difficult and filled with tons of emotions, I can now look back and realize that my divorce was one of the best things that could have happened to me.  

      My divorce allowed me to grow into my true authentic self. I was able to get reconnected with my lost self and to discover my life purpose which is life coaching. Coaching supported me during my divorce recovery and I felt it natural that I would support women who are facing divorce in my coaching practice, that is how [Link Removed] was born.  

      I am currently in a committed relationship with an awesome guy who is the true example of unconditional love. My daughter is now 19 and heading back to college in August for her sophmore year.  

      I am having the time of my life at 40 and want to support other women who faced the similar challenges with divorce so you too can have the life of your dreams.  

      Feel free to introduce yourself to the group! I am looking forward to having a great community of women here supporting one another. Be fabulous!


      Divorcecoach, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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          Jersey Josie wrote Aug 14, 2008
        • HiLisa, I am in the middle of a messy divorce and I look forward to the day when I feel good about myself again.  I have no regrets asking for the divorce. I will be married 16 years next month and I realize that they were more sad years then good year.  I feel sad because I feel that I failed in my marriage.  My husband is very angry and is making the whole divorce process very hard.  We have 2 children 6 1/2 and 12 1/2.  Luckily we have a great child therapist and is helping my children get through this.  I look forward to this group and can’t wait to read more. I love this site too, there is so many interesting articles and I feel I found a place on net. Thanks



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          Bev Gouge' wrote Sep 1, 2008
        • Hello i am new here, and my name is Bev.
          I just went to court to “get my divorce” It was a very hard day for me, even after being separated for 10 months.
          He has already had 2 girlfriends, and I can’t get over my anger and jealousy!
          Sadly, this is my second divorce and i’m ONLY 41.
          I never imagined divorce the second time, and it’s STILL hard.
          I appreciate the fact that there are others I can communicate with effectively.



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          Pja817 wrote Sep 4, 2008
        • Hi, I’m PJ and my divorce was final a month ago.  I have also been married before.  Feeling like I have a good idea of what I’ve done wrong - primarily falling in love with a man’s potential rather than the way he is now.  I’ve also married men who are less successful professionally than I am and I find it causes a lot of trouble.  The problem is, although I know what NOT to do again, I am afraid of going out and making new relationship mistakes.



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          Monilove wrote Sep 4, 2008
        • Hello, I am new to this site and I believe this is just what I needed.  I am leaving my husband of 11 years and I am so excited.  We have 2 daughter on 11, the other 9.  I’m not sure how it will affect them and what the long term effects are going to be for them.  I have a therapist for them because I know they will need it with all they will go through.  My biggest issue is how to go. I have a condo in place ready for us to move in October 1st, but I don’t know if I should leave a dear John letter, or if I should talk to him in advance.  He is not a very good communicator and he can’t handle much. I am so confused. I don’t know what to do. Can someone please give me some advice on how to handle this.



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          Yavaniel wrote Sep 5, 2008
        • Hi, I’m new both to this community and the whole divorce thing. Some days I handle it all okay and some days just suck. First meeting with all the lawyers is next week and while I’m glad we’ll be getting some stuff on the table I can’t help thinking that he has something devious up his sleeve or a bombshell he is about to drop and make things really unpleasant. I hope it’s just my own imagination on overdrive. VEry much looking forward to finding some like minds to share with here. As we have many friends in common here, I don’t feel free to talk to them about my problems with him.



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          Saks37 wrote Sep 5, 2008
        • Hi.  My name is Sondra.  My divorce will be final next week. I have been married for 29 years.  I was only 17 when I got married.  At age 46, I am at a loss at how ‘dating’ works now.  I also go back and forth with my emotions.  One minute I’m happy, the next minute I’m sad, the next minute I feel guilty because I feel happy.  It was my decision to go through with this divorce.  My ex is very upset which naturally affects me.  In the past, I have always try to ‘fix’ everything.  Now, I have to realize that I can only control myself, and he must figure out on his own how to deal with our parting.  Although our kids are grown (26 and 27), my daughter is still at the stage that she ‘hates’ me.  Since my kids are the most important thing in my life, this is probably the hardest obstacle that I’m dealing with.



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          Yolanda Harris wrote Sep 6, 2008
        • I am going to be DOUBLE BLACK JACK - I got dealt TWO Queens this year, so at the table of decisions I decided to split them in front of the dealer, well I have to say the “Dealer was not ‘HAPPY‘, he suggested I should of not done that...”

          Well I don’t listen well anymore to English Ideology about the wife position and her decision making choices so  

          I split those queens and YES YES lady luck is on my side....I got TWO ACES on those Queens......

          I got DOUBLE BLACK JACK..... which is the year of my age...this year in 2008 and plus every seven year our bodies change so I guess this was suitable that  

          I make this change

          Sept 22nd 2008
          I will be 21+21= 42 and I have join the post and fabulously40.com

          I really enjoy the support and the stories and please all keep sharing because as I read and I do get encouragement from reading real stories.



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          Cheryl Phillips wrote Sep 6, 2008
        • Hi!
          I’ve been divorced a little over 7 years now and I’m finally in a really good place emotionally. It wasn’t the person that I missed (AT ALL) but I truly missed the companionship and adult time. I tried getting out there and dating and this was a nightmare. Actually, I was probably the nightmare. I found that when I dated someone and it started to get to the point where it was a “relationship“, I’d find a way to make it a mess. My way of saying, “I’m not ready for this“. I spent many years just concentrating on my children who ranged in age from 6 mos to 17 when I got divorced. At the same time, I started to enjoy “me” time and the freedoms that it brought me. I met someone in 2004 who was a fabulous father of two boys ...he was going thru a very tough divorce at the time. Our connection was amazing but the timing was terrible, so it ended. Neither of us were really ready.  

          I’ve learned a lot over the past 7 years. I struggled without child support up until the past year (I won the fight being steady and calm...which wasn’t easy!)and learned how to be the best multi-tasking Mom I could be. It’s been quite a journey and I have strong, wonderful children. The biggest thing I’ve taken away from this is that I am important. Until I learned that, I spent my days trying to make everyone else happy instead of me. Now that I’m at a point where I am at peace with my divorce, so many good things (except my knee!!) are happening.

          A few weeks ago I got an email from the man I dated in 2004...he was just checking to see how life was. We met a few days later for “just a drink” and ended up having an 8 hour date. He’s an incredible guy and we’ve decided that dating again is a GREAT thing....so who knows!

          Thanks again for all the great advice and support here!



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          Cheryl Phillips wrote Sep 8, 2008
        • Thanks..divorce really never goes away, it just has to fade into the distance. I’m not sure we all ever completely heal but moving on and enjoying what we have is so much better once you get there!

          Thanks for having this group!



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          Lisaj- wrote Sep 15, 2008
        • Hi.  I wrote earlier but my computer froze up.  Not sure if it sent or not, so I apologize if this is a repeat.
          Anyways.. Hi. : ) I’m Lisa. I’m so thankful to have found this site today. To be able to read about women who have faced divorced and succeeded is really inspiring.
          My husband filed our joint paperwork the day before our 22nd anniversary, in August.  We have two sons 18 and 19.  They do not want to talk about the divorce with me at all.  In fact, due to much of my husbands travelling and being absent, the boys and I have always been very close.  Now, they are excluding and disrepecting me and going to their father.  Maybe it is their age or what, but I see the family unit becoming 3 guys and I’m on the outside looking in.  Well, they boys are in college now and that leaves me with more time which forces me to look at myself.  I’ve gained 150 pounds since I was married! I have been an at home mom with farm based businesses, of which I will have to leave because I can’t afford to pay for the farm, and my husband decided he doesn’t like living on a farm or animals.  I’ve got to re-enter the working world in a different way.  I have a degree in exercise physiology and dance education, but that’s kind of a joke with my weight.  I’m having a hard time figuring out where I can plug back into the working world, in order to survive.  Life is not looking too good at the moment.  Well, enough about me.  Thanks again for writing and sharing your hope and progress with divorce.



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          Sewingchic wrote Sep 19, 2008
        • Hi-
          I’m Carolyn and divorced last year after 29 years of marriage.  I was married to an alcoholic (in recovery for the past three years) who had at least three affairs during our marriage.  To top it off, he’s also a minister who is still serving in churches.

          It was a rather sudden split for me.  When I had evidence of this past affair, I confronted my husband.  He admitted it and sent papers regarding the divorce in 2 1/2 weeks.  Fortunately, I have a very good job and able to support myself and established myself in a new home right away.  I was also very fortunate to be able to relocate to a new community.  Staying in a small town after divorcing the local minister would have been unbearable.  I have a grown daughter who has been incredible throughout this.  We have tried to be there for each other.

          From the beginning, I was determined to not become the stereotypical bitter divorced woman.  I tried hard to take the high road, but also to make sure I was taking care of myself and making good decisions.  Most days, I do OK.  

          My ex is marrying the girlfriend in November, which has been more difficult for me than I expected.  However, I’ve become more reflective on what happened in my marriage, and gaining greater insight into the decisions my ex made.  My anger is starting to fade away, replaced by understanding, but sadness toward my ex.  I had hoped that he also had gained insight, but am seeing the pattern of his behavior continue.  After having lived with him for 29 years, it just makes me sad for him.

          For now, I’m working toward taking care of myself, discovering who I am, and looking forward to this new journey.  I hope that we can all be supportive of each other no matter where we are in this journey.



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          Shay Vaughn wrote Sep 20, 2008
        • Hello group, my name is Shay and I’m 41 yrs old.  In May of 2006, when my husband and I went to close on the new house we had just picked out, I was told (in front of the Attorney and the Realtor), that I would not be “occupying the house”  My husband told them that only he and my two boys, ages 4 and 7, would be moving in.  Two days later when I was cleaning the apt we were moving out of, my husband showed up with the divorce papers and informed me that he would be taking the boys, which wasn’t hard since his mom had already come over and picked up.  So, long story short, he and I have been battling custody for 1yr and a half.  Honestly, the divorce part doesn’t bother me a bit, what really angers me is that fact that my husband hates me enough to rip out my heart and take my boys.  He thinks that he is a better dad because he makes more money and is more stuctured.  Yes, i have low self esteem at times, but I know, once custody is established, I can move on.  My faith in the Lord is what keeps me going because without that, I would shrivel up and die!



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          Sewingchic wrote Sep 20, 2008
        • Shay, my heart goes out to you.  You hang in there!  Money should not be a factor in who is the best parent.  I’m rooting for you.

          I have found that standing on my own two feet and sticking up for myself has helped my self esteem immenseley - that and knowing I can support and take care of myself.

          My only unresolved issue at this point is that my name is still on our old mortgage.  I was told 6 weeks ago that he was refinancing, but haven’t heard anything since.  I know he won’t default on the loan, but I’m sure my credit rating is down the tubes right now, and I’m going to need a new car soon.



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          Panda63 wrote Oct 12, 2008
        • Hi I’m Paula !!  

          I’ve been separated a year and hoping to be divorced by the end of the year.

          We were together 24 years. I knew something was always wrong with our relationship but I thought it was all ME ! I’ve been verbally and emotional abused by a very mentally ill person and his family. When I discovered what was going it still took me years to get the courage to end it.  I had to be ready and last Aug. I said GET OUT, NO MORE ....

          I have 2 daughters, teens, and we are doing good. It’s been a long road but we‘re on the right one !

          Looking forward to getting to know you all.



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          Iamsophia2 wrote Oct 12, 2008
        • I am sure this invite was sent to me in error. I am however not divorced. I married the love of my life when I was 39. First marriage. I will forward your group to my sister and some of my friends. Good luck and keep up the good work. I know many women really need the support of other women living in the same situation. That’s what Fabulously 40 is all about, right?
          Smiles,
          iamsophia2



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          Monilove wrote Oct 12, 2008
        • Hello Panda63, congratulations on your decision.  I just separated from my husband a week and a half ago.  It was so hard especially since I knew I wanted to leave 5 years ago.  I realized then I had been mentally abused by my husband and that he did this to keep me where I was. I felt stuck, like in quicksand.  I wanted to leave but could not see a way out until I just couldn’t do it anymore.  I also have two daughters, 9 and 11, and I just don’t want them growing up thinking this is what a good marraige is.

           We moved out October 1st and I did tell him in advance but he still thinks I am coming back home. I think after this week it is starting to sink in that we are not coming back.  We love our new place and the girls are happy. He takes them to school everyday and they stay with him on Sunday nights.  I am finally starting to feel a relieved though I blame myself for staying too long and dealing with what I had but I feel “..This too shall pass....”



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          Linni wrote Oct 12, 2008
        • Hello Group!

           i am so glad i found this group... i have been divorced since march of 1999! I am a survivor of domestic violence, and have been clean and sober 24 years! and of course i married an alcoholic! lol

           On 03 July 1998, i asked the Lord to get me through just one more night, and i would leave the next day, and He got me through the night, and on 04 July 1998 my children and i left NEVER to look back again...

           am i angry? yes, am i bitter yes.. for lots of reasons.. have i forgiven him? well, i thought i had, and you know, the Lord has ways of letting me see i still have issues to work through..

           So i will write more another time.. i need to get to bed..
          God Bless
          Linni



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          Panda63 wrote Oct 13, 2008
        • My grandmother used to say that to me,for the past year when “stuff” felt to hard to handle I’d say this to myself.

          My daughter’s don’t see their father, their choice, he’s really messed up.

          It sounds weird to say this but it’s nice to know I’m not the only one.  

          Good luck (((hugs))) We’ll be just fine.



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          Linni wrote Oct 13, 2008
        • thanks for the link Lisa.. i will check it out!
          hugs
          Linni



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          Lilibet wrote Nov 26, 2008
        • I’m glad I found this group. I’m almost done with my 2nd divorce. Both were alcoholics and I am also a survivor of domestic violence. I’m just working through my grief now and moving on with my life. I know I can never see or talk to him again. I do have many opportunities in the next year. I feel better when I do something about my own life. Thanks for being here.



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