Don't have an account? To participate in discussions consider signing up or signing in
facebook connect
Sign-up, its free! Close [x]

Benefits

  • okay Create lasting relationships with other like minded women.
  • okay Blogging, let your voice be heard!
  • okay Interact with other women through blogs,questions and groups.
  • okay Photo Album, upload your most recent vacation pictures.
  • okay Contests, Free weekly prize drawing.
  • okay Weekly Newsletter.

  • What is commitment?

    9 posts, 7 voices, 892 views, started Oct 5, 2008

    Posted on Sunday, October 5, 2008 by Kisbel65

    •  



    • Amethyst
      Offline

      According to a survey done in 2002 with over 2300 divorced men and women, 85% said that lack of commitment was the major reason for divorced. Commitment was described as having two components: personal dedication and contraints. Constraints were described as those things that might keep you from breaking up such as children, financial reason etc... Personal dedication has four components: Wanting a future together, a sense of us or we, high sense of priority for the relationship and more satisfaction with sacrificing for the other.

      I am asking about commitment because at the age of 43 I am once again facing a break-up over commitment. I have been married once and he has been married three times. I want to marry and my boyfriend says he is not ready. When I talk to my girlfriends, most have given up on marriage and settled for living together. I wonder if I am expecting too much at my age. Is it wrong to want marriage after 40?



      •  


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Cheryl Phillips wrote Oct 7, 2008
        • No, no, no. I love marriage—and I’m not religious. It’s just so traditional. However, I guess it’s different for everyone. My sister has lived with “her man” for 6 years now. It’s weird though...he owns the house, she contributes. Can you say “roommate“?? They sleep now in separate rooms because he snores. Hmmmm.  They aren’t really a lovey couple but that’ll be the day I live with someone who I’m not in love with.

          However, what I see in the living together arrangement is so different....when they argue, she says she’s leaving. It’s easy. Pack up and go. No comittment. Yuck.

          I am in an amazing relationship. We’ve talked about joining forces. Both of us are long since divorced. We both have children—big factor in moving slow and doing the right thing. We‘re confident we are going to be together, so, no rush. BUT...do we marry first? We talked about it early on. We would move in together first and get settled, then take the next step. Sounds backwards but we have a plan. People will judge us no matter what. I love him and he feels the same. At this point we don’t care what people think. We want what is best for the children—that’s why we are figuring it out as we go along. Breaking everyone in first. It’s working GREAT.

          No idea what the right answer is.....ha ha. I’m not sure...it’s all personal, I guess!



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Kisbel65 wrote Oct 7, 2008
        • I am confused, you said that you “love marriage,” so why would you settle for living together before marriage? Please read this article before you make your decision: “What is it with men and commitment, anyway.” you can find it on this site: smartmarriages.com. Studies show that couples that live together before marriage are less commited.Now, if you both want the same thing (living together) then go for it. But if you want to get married again think clearly before moviing in with him.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Kisbel65 wrote Oct 20, 2008
        • I believe that as long as two people want the same things, then no problem. If one person needs that commitment of marriage and the other does not then there is a problem.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          UK Girl wrote Jan 31, 2009
        • BB - I’m with you .....never getting married again I don’t need to and don’t want to.

          Plus if someone has tried it a number of times without success why can you make it so - just asking ?



                Report  Reply



  • To Commit or Not To Commit... That Is The Question? View Group »

    Are 40s and 50s couples expected to live together instead of marriage?