Don't have an account? To participate in discussions consider signing up or signing in
facebook connect
Sign-up, its free! Close [x]

Benefits

  • okay Create lasting relationships with other like minded women.
  • okay Blogging, let your voice be heard!
  • okay Interact with other women through blogs,questions and groups.
  • okay Photo Album, upload your most recent vacation pictures.
  • okay Contests, Free weekly prize drawing.
  • okay Weekly Newsletter.

  • When Men Say "I Didn't Mean It To Happen"

    12 posts, 10 voices, 681 views, started Dec 3, 2008

    Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2008 by Rebecca Deos

    •  



    • Aquamarine
      Offline

      There’s alot of talk about why men cheat. I’ve met more than my share of dog like men. But there is something else, the group of men who say “I didn’t mean it to happen.” While they still have to take responsibility for their actions, there are issues that many men are not prepared to handle. They can be rather naive when it comes to women, and not even realize when they are being played.

      What brings this to mind is a recent episode with my husband. He is an artist who has a following of female “groupies” who attend his classes and events. One woman in particular had set her sights on him, and began calling him on a daily basis. It began about work things, but quickly progresses to her personal issues.

       I told my husband to keep an eye out, because she was beginning to cross the line of “women code“, the system women use to show respect to each other. My husband didn’t see it, and kept thinking it was innocent and that she just needed a friend. She was mid 40’s and still single, which by itself means nothing. But added to her actions, looked like a desperate woman trying to not be alone.

       “Mark my words, even though she lives across the country, she will find a way to get closer to you, and somehow work her way into our small town“. My husband thought I was nuts. And I also had a decision to make. I could put an end to it now, or allow it to continue and let him see for himself.

       I decided on the latter. Like most men, he didn’t understand that he could be very enticing to another woman. Since they were in the same profession, and if she could push me aside, she could ride his coat tails, as well as have an instant family. Push me aside, then simply take my place. And he didnt understand that there are many women who do play that way.

       I could protect him now, but he still wouldn’t “get it“. I needed to gently walk him through this, point out the game she was playing, and allow him to learn for himself. He needed to learn for himself. And not just for my sake. What if something were to happen to me,and he found himself single again? I might not always be there, and his naivety could really hurt him in the future.

       Sure enough, within 5 months, she had moved across the country and worked her way to where we lived, then began a campaign of “bumping into” our friends, and trying to become entangled in our social circle. If it sounds sick, it is. But I’m glad. When she got situated, she became demanding, and started spreading rumors of supposed marital problems.

       Yes, it did cause a few small difficulties with some friends. But they are not my priority, my husband is. By now, my husband saw first hand how it was all a plan from the beginning, very calculated and well thought out. He finally learned that not all women are sweet and innocent, and that many, when lonely, will act in a horrible fashion.

       There is a list too long to mention of what could have happened if my husband was less equipt to handle the situation. But I do believe that many men are very naive and uneducated when it comes to the inner workings of the female mind, and can easily find themselves in situations that they are unprepared to handle.



      •  


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Peejay64 wrote Dec 3, 2008
        • Rebecca,

          Thanks for sharing this with us.  I think sometimes men are a bit naive to how deviously agressive/ambitious some women can be.  It’s really creepy that this woman moved into your community & social circle and started working her naughty mojo on people in your lives.  It is a really good thing that you are wise, aware, and dedicated enough to have seen the warning signs and be ready for what could become a battle!  Power to you, girlfriend!  

          I am a bit over-protective of my men: husband & 2 college age sons.  BUT, I’d rather be aware and protective than blindsided by some cunning, crafty, kooky woman who is trying to get her claws into any one of my guys.  Watch out!

          Thanks again, and keep up the good fight!

          Patti



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Amy L. Harden wrote Dec 3, 2008
        • I agree...men can be niaive when it comes to these sorts of women. This was a very informative article on the workings of an over ambitious and agressive woman.

          My hats off to you for getting right in there and schooling your man on what this woman was up to in relation to your hubby.  Keep those boundaries and dealbreakers enforced also toward your husband...many an innocent wife has seen the other woman coming, but neglected to let her man know that if he even considered entertaining this stalker-ish behavior...well, that indeed is a dealbreaker.  

          Don’t ever let your guard down...some men play niaive...but know exactly what is going on...it feeds their ego. I am not saying that this is your case...I am referring to other men.

          Keep that woman as far away from your husband as you can!!! These women are very crafty and they can sneek in under your radar.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jenz ~ wrote Dec 3, 2008
        • It’s a shame the “Woman Code” isn’t actually a LAW.
          It’s good that you were observant and wise in your dealings with this matter. Kudos to you for that, because many women would not have been as calm & wise.
          And the Great Wife Award goes toooooooooo..... (drum roll)
          Rebecca! ;)

          Thank you for sharing with us, and have a fantastic day.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Raysa Santana wrote Dec 3, 2008
        • I was in a similar situation with my husband and one of his co-workers a few years back.  This woman would do everything in her power to be around my husband.  I brought it to his attention, but as most men he said I was imagining things and I was reading too much into it.  I told him, I might not be an expert on men, but I sure as hell know women and how envious and devious they can be.  This went on for a few months and then one day we were driving back from a road trip and she called him to wish him a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.  After he hung up I just looked at him and told him “you don’t see what she’s doing?”  Think about when she calls you.  She call whenever she knows that we are together whether it’s during the daytime or night time.  She wants to be a constant presence in our lives.  He still didn’t get it and then I switch shoes with him.  I told him how would you feel if my manager (who is a man) would call me at the same times she calls you and for the same reasons..how would you feel?  He thought about it for a couple of minutes and then he looked at me as if he just experienced a life changing moment and he told me he wouldn’t like it.

          Needless to say, she never called or bothered him again.  I asked him a few weekes later what had happened and he told me he told her, in a nut shell, to stop calling him and bothering him.

          From that point on, whenever I need to make my point across to him, we switch shoes.  Most of the time he gets it after that.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Rebecca Deos wrote Dec 3, 2008
        • I don’t have dealbreakers when it comes to my husband. For me it’s hard to ask for unconditional love when you put dealbreakers on the table.  

           My attitude in this situation was “Go learn the hard way if you have to, but this is something you need to learn. It’s a life skill.”  

           It’s kind of odd, but my husband knows that I love him unconditionally, and he understands that unconditonal love is a gift, not something to be abused.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Darla5 wrote Dec 3, 2008
        • Ellen,

          Dear God ... That reminds me of Fatal Attraction. There are some crazy women out there.

          You handled it better than I would have. Desperate Women never cease to amaze me . Yikes!!



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Mz. Queen wrote Dec 3, 2008
        • So true about those type of women. I have a husband who doesn’t get that. He is attractive and naive. I have to give him his clues so he can be ready when she approaches.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Rebecca Deos wrote Dec 3, 2008
        • Thanks all for your kind words. The whole episode is over now, and my husband handled it well, with little intervention from me. She’s gone, but even when she was here, never had the power to upset me. I knew her agenda, and was confident in my relationship with my husband.



                Report  Reply



  • Coupon Strategies View Group »

    Weekly coupon strategies to save money