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  • Why middle age men wont commit

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    16 posts, 9 voices, 13556 views, started Oct 12, 2008

    Posted on Sunday, October 12, 2008 by Kisbel65

    •  



    • Amethyst
      Offline

      Hi Ladies,

      As I stated before I broke-up with my 52 year boyfriend because he wanted to live together and I wanted get married. He was wishy-washy about setting an engagement date. I offically broke-up with him on 10/3/08 and I have been the one initiating the communication since then, so I am starting to think that perhaps he is happy with the break-up.  

      I have been doing some research about commitment issues with couples in there 40s and 50s and I have to say it is very disappointing. I am starting to believe that I am not allowed to think about marriage at my age (43).

      Here is the information that I found:

      According to over 50 dating expert, Tom Blake, here are the top reasons middle-age men don’t commit:

      1) They haven’t healed from losing a former love.  

      2) They‘re afraid to make of another divorce or mistake.

      3) They simply don’t want to. They are happy with there life the way it is.

      4) They feel they are not with the right woman (ouch).

      5) They prefer the hunt.

      6) They feel too rushed or pressured.

      7) They want the benefit of a relationship, but not the responsibilities that go along with a commitment.

      My boyfriend told me everyday that he loved me very much. He told me he did not want to loose me. He told me that he was not looking around for anything better, that I was it. He told me it was not if we married, but when.

      +1
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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          AnneMarie Kimberling wrote Nov 6, 2008
        • I just ended a 19+ month relationship with a 47-year old man because he can’t commit... Actually, he ended the relationship... but the point is, he couldn’t commit to me and take a risk with me...  Reading your list above, I would say 5 of those reasons fit him - which makes me very sad.  We have been very good friends for over a decade, and both hope to stay friends... but just as I can’t make him love me, he can’t make me NOT love him....



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 6, 2008
        • For they are purely middle,
          Brutal and lots of shinkles!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Michelle Rowe wrote Nov 6, 2008
        • What the heck are shinkles chinadoll??

          I know a lot of men in this age range through sports and if they have never been married by the time they hit 40, it ain’t happening for these guys. Too set in their ways!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 6, 2008
        • Shinkles - mmmh, the itchy stuff, shingles?

          Life is not as fun, if Chinadoll is not drunk



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Darla5 wrote Nov 6, 2008
        • Hey Girls,

          Have you ever read the book, He’s just not that in to you.

          I saw this author on Oprah a few years back. He was a hoot. He really gives you a new view on how men think.

          Of course, I was married but I wanted to get it and read it because Oprah and him did a great job of getting your interest up.

          This goes back to Randy Pausch’s book, The Last Lecture.

          He was writing to his little girl of 18 months. Giving her advice  since he knew he would not be around because of the cancer.

          He said when it comes to dating, Don’t believe a thing they say but, watch everything they do.  

          I believe that with all my heart!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          AnneMarie Kimberling wrote Nov 6, 2008
        • I need to dig out that “he’s just not that into you” book and re-read it...  Although, it often makes me cry because I realize what a FOOL I was - AGAIN!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 6, 2008
        • amk924 and others... please also check out a book called “The Rules”  in similar subject manner.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Darla5 wrote Nov 6, 2008
        • You are no fool.  

          We have all made mistakes . Girl, my heart was crushed, broken, thrown to the curb.

          I dated a ton in high school and college. Top notch guys. In high school he was the popular football player etc.

          In college, get a list. One, I thought my parent’s were going to die when I ended things. He was gorgeous, smart, kind, great singer, he was  the singer in a christian group called Perfect Heart. He loved me unconditionally. I was also scared. I was still so immature. I still wanted my freedom at that time and he wanted to settle down.

          When I did get married, I picked a real winner. NOT... I picked the bad boy. You know the ones.
          I married a charmer. My parent’s did not like him. That should of been a clue. He was a cheater and liar and it took me years to get over the damage.  

          Now, thank God I married Don. He is everything to me. He was married for 22 years the first time. So, see there are still good men out there at this age. Don is 14 years older than me.  

          Girl, if you think you are a fool, well then all of us will be considered one too.  Your not...

          I am so sorry your heart is broken. Please use this time to focus on you and your needs. Take better care of yourself physically and mentally. You will start having a new sense of confidence. It will give you a new freedom.

          As my slogan around here goes... Confidence is the new sexy!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Sweetnsassy wrote Nov 6, 2008
        • No, not fools—- just people looking for love.  I went through much of the rejection “Oh, baby I love you” thing.  Most men will “say” whatever it takes to get where they want with you, whether it be friendship, bed buddies, financial support, etc.  I totally agree with Darla.  Watch EVERYTHING they do, take in very little of what they say. If they‘re just into talkin’ then you’d better do some walkn’ gir‘frin.  Been there, done that.  

          Also good reading - Books by Michelle McKinney Hammond.  She’s a very smart lady who writes Christian based books about relationships. She’s great!  One of my favs: “Sassy, Single & Satisfied”



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Sweetnsassy wrote Nov 6, 2008
        • P.S. -  I agree there ARE still some good men out there but you have to be a bit of a gardner—get on your knees (prayer), examine each one carefully (listen but don’t act) then pluck out all the dead ones—you’ll know the difference!    

          DON‘T SETTLE, know you ALWAYS have choices and you deserve  the things God has promised you.  Be patient, pray and  you will find the “right one“.  I assure you, I know this first hand.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Darla5 wrote Nov 6, 2008
        • Sweetnsassy,

          I love the don’t settle quote. I said a long time ago, I will never play second fiddle...

          I am  happy for your new found happiness.

          Why is it that we always have to learn the hard way? Maybe we have to go through the heartache to appreciate the good guy when we meet him.

          I appreciate so much more what I have today with my husband. It has been 13 years and I still consider myself the one that is blessed.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Wendy1960 wrote Feb 6, 2010
        • I have been with the same man for seven years but he always has an excuse for not spending time together and I am lonely and need attention,so,I’m thinking maybe I should just move on.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Mz. Queen wrote Feb 7, 2010
        • Age aside. I’m not staying with any man, any age for more than five years without a commitment of some kind. Five years might be too long.  

          Sweetnsassy is on point.

          Wendy, put your boots on and start walking. (I would)



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