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  • Will it ever happen?

    +2
    Love it
    25 posts, 19 voices, 1677 views, started Apr 4, 2009

    Posted on Saturday, April 4, 2009 by Jenz ~

    •  



    • Pearl
      Offline

      Hi.. I’m not someone who’s willing to ‘shop for a man’ online- there’s no romance in it. And I’m not desperate, nor willing to settle. I’ve been single for 15 months now. It gets old sometimes & there’s a very obvious shortage of good, and good looking men out there. I would love to have someone- I’m 42 & have never married anyone. Long term, serious relationships, but no marriage. Wasted alot of time. In any case, I’m starting to think I’m flyin solo & I have no desire to end up like an old spinster. What does someone do BESIDES look online? I won’t. and a bar- pffft. Worst place to meet someone. I guess fate’ll have to handle this?

      +2
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      •  


        • +1 votes vote up vote up

          Mztracy wrote Apr 4, 2009
        • ok first, look at you...gorgeous!!
          Now to the most important part, look at you again...inside!! The most giving and gorgeous person there as well.

          See the problem is there is no one there right now that will be the man you deserve. He will come to you, when that man is all ready to treat you the way you deserve. It WILL happen. It never happens when we want it to, but when we let it go...then it comes to us!!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          UK Girl wrote Apr 4, 2009
        • All I know is the minute you stop looking and start living they drop out of trees and spring up from the sidewalk



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jenz ~ wrote Apr 4, 2009
        • You guys are so awesome. Thanks. :)
          The thing is, I never look. I believe the very same thing- DON‘T look. I’m just very aware of my surroundings when I am out & about, etc- all over the place. Haven’t seen one person yet that would turn my head. lol
          Thanks again.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          UK Girl wrote Apr 4, 2009
        • Jen - I know your thinking of moving maybe fate or kismit will step in and put a bounce in your step honey xx



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Apr 4, 2009
        • We need to look out for you... what is your like and dislike?  Even it may be long distance, it is worth to have a shot.

          List it baby....estatic



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Mztracy wrote Apr 4, 2009
        • See, there it is:

          Haven't seen one person yet that would turn my head.  

          You will and then you will know!!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jenz ~ wrote Apr 4, 2009
        • Likes and dislikes in a man?



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Lisa Middlesworth wrote Apr 4, 2009
        • I agree 100% that when you just let go and let the universe work it’s magic, The One....will be there.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jenz ~ wrote Apr 4, 2009
        • I guess we’ll see.
          Seriously- I don’t look. I have a friend who does that all the time on match.com, etc etc etc & she looks so desperate. I’m not needy like that- it would just be nice to have a relationship with someone. Be cared about like that. Maybe it’s just one of those days.... most of the time it doesn’t get to me but today, for some reason, it did. It would be great to have something to do like that- with someone, plans or not, or maybe just to have someone around sometimes...



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Tuliplady wrote Apr 4, 2009
        • Vacation in South Dakota.  There a soooo many single men here!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Debra Berndt wrote Apr 6, 2009
        • Hi, When my clients tell me they aren’t looking, they are not really that committed to finding the right person. List all the benefits you get from being single. You may find a hidden block to love. Some people (believe it or not) are actually afraid of love.

          Remember, you must take action for him to find you. I am not taking about singles events and online dating, but just being out there doing activities that interest you.  He’s looking for you.

          Hope that helps!

          Debra Berndt, Love Coach
          AttractRealLove.com



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Cynthia Schmidt wrote Apr 6, 2009
        • Don’t come to Hawaii. I swear men come here to escape commitment.  

          You are so pretty, Jen, I wonder if men may be a little intimidated. I say that in a nice way, you really are very very pretty. They may be scared. Or think they don’t stand a chance. If you‘re not looking they may see you as forboding and unapproachable.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Maria68 wrote Apr 6, 2009
        • Good Luck Jen,  

          I hope that you find the love of your life very soon.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Mochadoll wrote Apr 12, 2009
        • Good Afternoon,

          I actually read your post.  I mean REALLY read it.  My motto is to give it Straight with no Chaser.  I am not rude, or crude, just straight.

          In reading your post, I hear and see a few things.  

          First and foremost you have the right idea not settling.  You should never settle.  No matter how old you get, now matter how tired you think you are settling is something that you will always regret.  However; compromise is an entirely different ball game.

          And here is what I see:

          Hi.. I'm not someone who's willing to 'shop for a man' online- there's no romance in it. ohhhh
          Why not shop for a man, we as women shop for everything else we need.  We need the perfect pair of shoes to go with that dress.  We need the perfect pair of earrings that set off that new hairdo.  We find that perfect shade of pale pink nailpolish that makes our hands look wonderful.  So why not shop for the perfect mate?  One that we want, and will be happy with. You‘re not shopping for a mate like it’s an assembly line in a meat market, but looking for that perfect accessory to compliment perfection.  Look at it that way.  It’s something that you need and want, so Why not?

          And I'm not desperate, nor willing to settle. I've been single for 15 months now. It gets old sometimes & there's a very obvious shortage of good, and good looking men out there. ohhhh
          If you take out even thinking that you‘re desperate, your search will go a lot better, but I must say that if you say that you‘re not desperate, there may be a little bit of it setting in because of your being single for so long now.  And, again, don’t settle.  For goodness sake, never settle.  Don’t let time get the best of you.  I hate to say it, but just get yourself some batteries and a glass of wine or take yourself out on a nice date beforehand. And, you may have your standards too high.  What I mean by this is, just because a man is no Denzel Washington (my favorite), or Tom Selleck, or Tom Cruise, hell or even Ryan O‘Neal (back in the day of course), don’t count him out.  Just because a man isn’t drop dead gorgeous and stays in the mirror more than we do, he may still steal your heart.  There are many average Joe’s out there that will treat you like a queen, and that may be part of your issue.  I’m not saying that it is, but it may be a little part of it.  Drop dead gorgeous men are so full of themselves, but average Joe, opens the car door for you, he holds the door and he will say “bless you” when you sneeze.  He’s the one that brings flowers for no reason, or even brings you chicken soup that he opened up out of a can just to make your sniffle better.  What I’m saying is, just because he may not be your “ideal” knight in shining armor, don’t treat him like Kwazimoto.  You’ll be missing out on alot and be lonlier for a lot longer.

          I would love to have someone- I'm 42 & have never married anyone. Long term, serious relationships, but no marriage. Wasted alot of time. In any case, I'm starting to think I'm flyin solo & I have no desire to end up like an old spinster. ohhhh
          If you’d love to have someone, ACT LIKE IT.  You are a very beautiful woman.  Average Joe may be intimidated by you and think he’ll be shot down.  But, it you do shoot him down, waiting for Ken and Barbie to break up, then you will be an old spinster, I hate to say.

          What does someone do BESIDES look online? I won't. and a bar- pffft. Worst place to meet someone. I guess fate'll have to handle this? ohhhh
          Well, more often than not, Fate is just that and it’s a rare occurance and that’s why it’s so treasured.  You‘re saying what you WON‘T do.  What WILL you do if you‘re really looking for someone?  Possibly thinking that you‘re too good to try all avenues, tells me a lot.  The bar scene, I agree with you in a sense, but there are other places such as upscale bars, jazz clubs, concerts, church socials, church gatherings, singles meetings, book stores.  Find things that you enjoy doing and see if there is an average Joe there doing it alone.  Oh, and don’t think you‘re too good to approach a man. I’ve spoken to many men who say they are just as afraid of women.  They don’t like getting shot down.  And if they see a woman that looks like she’s out of their league, then they are not going to talk to her for fear of her shooting them down.  So, you might want to make yourself more approachable.  More “it’s okay, I won’t bit looking.” Trust me, it will happen.

          I hope this helps.

          Take care!

          K



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Raquel2526 wrote Apr 12, 2009
        • Hi there,

          Well, you are just downright beautiful...  model gorgeous!  I heard your message, it really resounded with me because I can totally relate.  I didn’t marry until I was 32.

          Just wanted you to see things from a different angle, only if you want to.  

          I was single for a long time, working hard, playing hard.  I had a great life at that, too, with travel, friends, academic accomplishments, real estate purchases and a steady professional career.  

          But - I had a tough time meeting men.  Not only because I was just too darn busy, but also because of my profession - I am a teacher (a proud one, at that).  You know, of course, that the field of education, especially at the elementary level, is dominated by women.

          So, after 6 long years of working with mostly women, and dating only sometimes, I decided I was ready to be in a serious relationship.  Not with just anyone, but with my soul mate.  I was 29 years old at that time.  I knew that I could continue working and plug along with my fabulous single life, but in my heart I knew I wanted more, and that was to be in a relationship.

          I made a decision.  I decided to look.  I took action.  And a girlfriend and I joined a dating service (this was before the internet ever existed).

          I will make this story short.  I joined the service and enjoyed dates.  I let men choose me and decide to ask me out.  Some offers I accepted, some I declined, based on the attraction factor.  I did not choose men myself and I enjoyed dating for six months.  It got me out of the house and it was fun.  But I took it a step further and, after the six months, asked someone out.  There was something special about him, and I felt drawn to him.  

          That man is now my husband!  I met him and from that first date, that was it.  Literally!  We dated for 3.5 years and then married.  We have been married for 8 years and have two great kids.  It was the decision of a lifetime that I am so grateful that I took.

          So, I’m not saying a dating service is your answer.  I would highly recommend it, though.  I never felt desperate.  I felt I was in charge.  But it is a highly personal decision to make.  What I am saying is, find a way to go and look.  It wasn’t until I looked that I found him.  

          I hope you find yours, too!  Good luck!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jenz ~ wrote Apr 12, 2009
        • Wow- thank you. happy

          You know, a close friend of mine, a guy, said that to me- You‘re very pretty & b/c of it, unapproachable. I thought, “That’s ridiculous.”
          Maybe not? I’m not intimidating. Grrr...
          As for acting like it, regarding looking, I look, but not in a needy way.
          I don’t have to date a “Ken-doll.” I’m well aware of what things can be like when the man knows he looks too good. Won’t be dealing with that again either. haha

          Perhaps the next time I see or meet someone, I’ll strike up a conversation. That’s easy. :) I’ll keep you posted.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Beemeh Moore wrote Apr 13, 2009
        • You are beautiful...Mr. right will come when least expected...



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Mochadoll wrote Apr 13, 2009
        • Yes, don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation.  Some men like that in a woman.  First check him out to see if he doesn’t wear a ring, or have that “my wife or g/f drssed me” look.  LOL  I’m sure you probably know what that looks like.

          And, in all reality, let’s be realistic.  I am very happy that the women on this site have that sisterly enocouraging pat on the back.  Trust me when I say it is a burst of fresh air in these unsure days and times, BUT, HOWEVER, let’s face facts.  We are in our 40’s and up.  Mr. Right isn’t going to just come along and say, “hey, I was looking at your biological clock and I see that it’s just about to expire, so I hope I’m not too late, but here I am.”  My apologies to everyone who thinks that.  We as women of the 21st century have to get out there and get what we want.  

          Are you telling me we’ve fought for all of these equalities with men and now we‘re saying, “oh, well, I’m going to sit right here and wait for you come and get me (twirling our hair)?  I think not.

          Get out there and get what you want.  Show that you are worthy and deserving of it.  Let Mr. Right know that you‘re out there, you‘re avaialable, and he’d better be up to par because you‘re not accepting him except on his best (or bestest as my 3 yr old neice says) behavior!

          Continue to keep it going and keep me posted sister!

          Good luck!

          K



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Alba Diaz wrote Apr 13, 2009
        • Wow, my suggestion is to join social activities that you like for example try meetup.com.  This is a great site that lists groups of people doing certain hobbies and interests.  I’ve made many good friends and spent time doing activities that I enjoy. For example a wine tasting group, biking group, and you make new friends and those friends introduce you to other friends of which you would never really cross paths with.  Also when you walk smile - think happy thoughts - this will give you a more approachable look and sometimes small conversation opens the door for that person of interest to follow your lead.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Blaque_dahlia wrote Apr 15, 2009
        • Hiya Jen:
          I’m in the same boat as you.  I have no clue how to date as I wrote that off years ago.  What’s worse is I look a lot younger than I am so I attract men much younger and we are not at the same place in life.  It’s a mixed blessing as I really like older men.  I don’t think George Clooney is waiting for me, but I don’t think I should dumb down or just take what I can get.  I am introverted and will have to join some social networks as suggested which is making me sick at the thought (nervous) but we can’t meet them if we don’t join them, let’s keep each other posted :)



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Safari wrote Apr 15, 2009
        • Beautiful, smart and strong lady you are. Weak men run away when they see this mix in a woman. You deserve someone like you.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Bella Shing wrote May 5, 2009
        • Hi beautiful ones,  

          Sometimes it’s about getting clear on your desires.
          If there isn’t that much desire, then there is not that much energy movin’ in that direction.  

          As a love coach that has helped hundreds of women manifest more love than they ever thought possible, it’s great to hear that you are happy with you. That’s for certain step one. And the other part of it is getting excited about what relationship will bring you.  

          I often see this happen when people want anything. Ie: a new car. Person A says, I want a Lexus SC430 gold. Person B says,
          I want a hybrid, well, actually, I like riding my bike, sometimes it’s great to walk to, I love supporting public transportation, I don’t like paying parking fees....

          Person A is much more likely to get a car.

          So we have these great exercises such as:
          Why do you want it? What’s so juicy about it? What do you look forward to? Often when you answer these questions, you’ll also see the “buts” surface as well. And that’s where you can see where you energy is split.

          We actually have an orientation (a free tele-class) this Thursday night 7pm if you‘re interested.

          You can check it out at www.manifestingyourbeloved.com/orientation.htm

          All love,
          Bella



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