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  • Will Smith, Open Marriage?

    12 posts, 9 voices, 1185 views, started Dec 16, 2008

    Posted on Tuesday, December 16, 2008 by Rebecca Deos

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    • Aquamarine
      Offline

      There's been much talk on the Internet about Will Smith's "confession" of having an open marriage with wife Jada Pinkett. [Link Removed] 

       I’m sure Will is going to take alot of heat for his admission, but I’m not really sure what type of admission it is. On some level, it doesn’t ring true. It seems more hype than fact, or possibly misquotes.

       I understand that celebrity brings it’s own set of challenges, and therefore a completely different set of coping skills than most of us need. Celebrities do live with hype, pressure and temptations that we will, most likely, never understand. So to develop some sort of system, or boundaries, to cope with temptation actually seems rather practical.

      But his words seemed to simply say “If I am caught in the midst of tempation, I’ll let you know.”

       I know more than my fair share of couples in various types of open relationships, from swingers to polyamorous couples. And for the most part, they have loving, caring relationships. And many studies have shown that couples engaging in non-monogomous relationships have a more positive outlook on relationships and life in general. But I don’t think it’s the additional partners that make them happy. I think it’s the open communucation and acceptance of their primary partner that makes them most fulfilled.

       And I don’t see Will Smith’s statement as a blanket statement of having an open marriage or permission to fool around.

       His actual statement was  

       “In our marriage vows, we didn’t say ‘forsaking all others.’ The vow that we made was that you will never hear that I did something after the fact ... If it came down to it, then one spouse can say to the other, ‘Look, I need to have sex with somebody. I’m not going to if you don’t approve of it - but please approve of it.‘”

      For me, the above statement is far removed from the comments and statements of most open relationship couples. It’s just not the same type of comment I would expect to heear. In other interviews, Will & Jada have said that they follow other celebrity marriages, especially breakups, ask questions, and put lessons learned into practice in their own relationship.

       It seems that all they did was to look at the celebrity world around them, its pitfalls and temptations, and develop a practical agreement that says, “This happens all around us. If these things start to happen to us, we will discuss it before anything happens.”  

       But of course, the media hype will turn this into more than it is.


      Rebeccadeos, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jenz ~ wrote Dec 16, 2008
        • This is such a common topic these days.
          People seem to be ‘coming out’ with it more & more over the past few years. I personally have yet to see a relationship or marriage that survives being open or swinging etc.
          You’d think people would be more afraid of this than ever before with AIDS, various diseases etc. In addition, being open leads to emotional stuff & cheating, jealousy, etc.
          Has the woman been born yet that approves of her man having sex with other women & she’s REALLY truly ok with that?
          I don’t think I can picture Jada agreeing to it. But, you never know what goes on behind closed doors with people~ you only know what you see & can only believe part of what you hear.
          This subject, freakishly, is not as black & white as it once was. It’s successfully freaked me right out on more than one occasion.
          I guess, at the end of the day, even though I fully understand that men like the idea of ‘playing with something different,’ (blah..blah..blah..) it still leaves the questions~ What happened to being in love with someone enough to be faithful in every way? Why risk what you have with someone because it’s the in thing to do to go out & screw around? Getting your partner’s permission makes it OK? A commitment is a commitment. What happened to 2 people’s intimacy being a ‘sacred’ thing?
          The other screwed up factor with this topic is this~ When someone doesn’t agree to a request like that, then the one who won’t agree, usually ends up being viewed as ‘the bad guy.’
          As hip and/or glam as this has become, my advice to anyone considering doing that is, just know that once it’s done, it’s done. And you cannot undo it. Nothing good comes from playing with fire.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Rebecca Deos wrote Dec 16, 2008
        • Looking at his statement, it seems theoretical, that if something were to arise in the future.......

           Reality, though, is usually much different from the theory. I do give them credit for trying to look at the future, and to understand that the celebrity life that they have chosen can be very difficult on a relationship, and at least have some sort of plan in place.

           But if the situation were to actually happen, it can be very difficult for a couple to deal with emotionally.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jacquie6363 wrote Dec 16, 2008
        • I have heard of this issue before, and to me it seems the statement was just a hypothetical statement, but as Jenz said, you never really know what goes on behind closed doors.  

          I hope should a situation like that arise, that whichever of the two approaches first, that the other will babe the other best wishes and get the hell out.  I know, one might say, what about trying to make the marriage work, some things can be worked out and some can’t be.  Anyway, it’s Hollywood and they treat marriages, just as they portray them.

          Celebrity life is so scripted, you truly have to just read and move on with our own lives.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Rebecca Deos wrote Dec 16, 2008
        • Personally, I don't think it's the open part of the relationship that makes it work. I think it's the open communication  that is neccessary in an effective open marriage that gives them strength.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jgirl1331 wrote Dec 24, 2008
        • This has been a hot subject for me lately, as I’ve been dating a man who doesn’t believe in monogamy..or so he says.  I am definitely a one man kind of woman, when I love someone it is difficult to love someone else also, let alone have sex with them!  

          If it works for both partners and is done for the right reasons, an “open” relationship, polyamory or whatever...is fine.  I’ve just yet to meet anyone who has actually been successful.  The several people I know that are into this type of lifestyle, are still single and claiming to be looking for “the one“.  I don’t get it.

          As to my guy, he doesn’t date others and although he’s looking, he isn’t really that aggressive about it.  I think in his case, it’s more the idea that “he can if he wanted to” than the reality of it.

          To each their own.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Ms-kay wrote Dec 24, 2008
        • The media loves this type of stuff....and sometimes we eat it up!  

          Being a fan of Will I have to say that no matter what anyone thinks...this issue is between Will and Jada. Whatever works for THEIR relationship-more power to them! Apparently they are doing something that works to be married almost 11 years.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jgirl1331 wrote Dec 24, 2008
        • Ms. Kay..I agree..they have to be doing something right!  They look happy with each other and much in love..and you can tell it’s not fake!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Ms-kay wrote Dec 24, 2008
        • Jgirl...indeed! You can tell they are so in love!  



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