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  • Women Judging Other Women Harshly

    6 posts, 5 voices, 498 views, started May 18, 2008

    Posted on Sunday, May 18, 2008 by Yana Berlin

    •  



    • Diamond
      Offline

      Hello Ladies,

      Since most women are very critical of ourselves, we tend to judge other women harshly than we would ever judge men.

      Do you agree? And if so what can we do to change this very bad habit?



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Carine Nadel wrote May 19, 2008
        • Yana, I do so agree! I am always harshest on myself.  If I make a mistake, my stomach churns.  I see faults that others ignore.
          When it comes to other women, I try to remember that they feel the very same-in their own way.
          Women are built on guilt, whether we give it or receive it.  That’s what we must change-we’ve got to stop berating our more than fair sex.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Julie Molner wrote May 19, 2008
        • Yana, at a younger age I did judge women much more harshly than I did men.  Not only are we women harsh on ourselves, society has been tough on us in terms of it’s expectations of girls and women.  Now I am happy to say that I no longer judge women more harshly than men.  That’s not to say I don’t judge women...I do.  However when a judgment is popping up.  I do my best to observe what is really going on for me since any judgment about another is really a judgment about myself.  If my judgment is one where I am thinking the other woman is better than me, then I take a close look to determine what it is this woman exhibits that I would like to exhibit....from there I seek to make a change in myself.  If instead the judgment of the other woman is about something I’d never allow myself to be, say or do, then it’s time for me to do some deep soul searching to accept that part of me that does have the capacity to be, say or do the same (even if I don’t let myself—it’s there).



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jane Woods wrote May 21, 2008
        • Yes, I think it’s true unfortunately and I agree with the previous two comments.And it’s not just women who judge other women harshly.
          When I was a probation officer/social worker in UK it was a well researched fact that magistrates gave harsher sentences to women than to men for the same type of offence. There seemed to be an unspoken rule that women should be better than that. Either saint or harlots with no shades of grey!
          But when I do women only training I find that women are hugely supportive and forgiving of eachother and a joy to work with.It is different though training in mixed groups; the women take far fewer risks and men generally still hold the floor!
          It’s hard to undo years and years of conditioning, isn’t it? But we‘re getting there!
          Jane
          [Link Removed] 


          Changingpeople, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Yana Berlin wrote May 21, 2008
        • On my last trip with girlfriends, we set at the beach and watched others walk by, swim, play volleyball etc.

          What I noticed is that every woman that appeared in front of our eyes produced some kind of a comment among us. She was either to fat, to skinny to this or tooooo that. After an hour of this I looked at my girlfriends, and proclaimed us to be judgmental creatures that need to change and stop this insane behavior. The funny thing is, everyone readily agreed, and moved on the next subject—- berating themselves, it was either to fat or to this or toooo that.

          Ladies, we are all perfect the way we are. I know that I’m the first one to criticize myself harshly, what I’ve concluded, is that until we embrace ourselves the way we are, we will never be able to accept others.

          So Repeat After Me:

          I’m beautiful, I’m happy and I love my body,

          Come on now, once again

          I love my body

          See that wasn’t so hard after all.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Julie Molner wrote May 22, 2008
        • Yana, I like what you wrote because it is soooo very true.  My intention is not to be melodramatic—instead I simply want to share a huge learning that I experienced that changed my attitude about my body.  I DO love my body AND it took breast cancer, a mastectomy and a TRAM flap reconstruction (almost four years ago) with a long recovery period for me to truly realize my body is wonderful even with all the surgeries.  And actually I always did have a nice body—it was my perfectionism that got in the way.
          Now I am so grateful for my fabulous body even with scars and a reconstructed breast.  

          I co-authored a book, Your Life Your Way: The Esential Guide for Women, www.essentialguideforwomen.com. In it we talk about how true beauty really comes from within.  We are not to compare ourselves with anyone expecially the models in magazines and the actresses we see on the movie screen—the way they look isn’t real.  There are many, many women whose bodies are not what we would call perfect yet charisma and beauty emanates from these women.  Why? It’s because they accept themselves and their bodies as they are.  

          So ladies, please, please follow Yana’s advice.....love your body right now the way it is....love yourself because you are fine just as you are!



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