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I feel like I am disabled.  I went on FMLA from the VA on Feb 13,2011. She died in our home on April 13, 2011.  We buried my dear mum on my birthday on April 16, my birthday.  During those 60 days, she was not herself.  She could get mean to me.  I am a nurse, so I intellectually could understand.  It was all those stupid percocet, didauded, which made her nuts, so I D/C’d that.  She would not eat unless almost forced,and she would take a bite or two.  She and I were particularly close, we shopped together, talked about everyone and everything under the sun. I told her about a good Dr. for stomach problems, she knew, even underlined it in her phone book.  She never call him.  She straight up never told anyone how bad her stomach was, I knew offered her the best stomach guys around, Narla, Alvi, she never called she stay with her “group” which were cardiologists.  These bone heads never even suggested an EGD.  I do not have a clue what they were thinking. They had her in house in September, they said it was her appendix, my Dad who is 90 made me write a letter asking for more and more tests because he didn’t think she could survive a surgical procedure.  There is when my emotion came in and to please my Dad I wrote a note to DR. Tauburgh, asking for a less invasive procedure, I bet we could have caught it then before it grew and burst thru, she lasted 2 months asleep most of the time and talking crazy calling out for people who have been gone from her life for as long as I can remember. I am 46.  I have such guilt and pain, I can barely get out of bed and it is a week and a day.  Maybe I should quit nursing  and sell shoes or something.  I am so sorrowful I cannot begin to tell you.  From going from a cardic floor, to complete patient care, including PT, OT, and she never made it. She had two doses of chemo, couldn’t do the third.  We were all there.  She lasted less than a week.  I am so distressed, depressed, hardly able to get out of bed, and I have my 90 year old Dad who I am trying, so help me Lord, to help.  They were married 55 year. I am so full of grief, I have to go to work on Monday.  I don’t want to go.  I don’t miss them, I could care less right now, I am so very sad. So is my rock, my Dad..




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Msj wrote Apr 21, 2011
    • I am so sorry for you. I agree with Eva, rest and then decompress, process.  

      We love you. YOU are precious. No guilt! You are precious!

      Tammyheartbreak




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Victorious wrote Apr 21, 2011
    • I feel your pain. My Mom is not well and she is with me. She was having head aches for more than a month every minute of the day. The doctors could not say why. But God is our strength he answered our prayers and she has no pain today. She still has issues but I know that God will deliver her from them too.

       God knows your pain. He never gives us more than we can bear. He says He will never leave you or forsake you. He is your strength and comfort you. Just call out to Him. There was a time I could not pray, all I could say every night to my God is ‘Only you know’ I agree with the others. You need time. I am praying for youheartheartheart




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Brimstone1968 wrote Apr 21, 2011
    • I feel every inch of your pain.  I recently lost my mom (2 months) and the pain is still raw.  If you are feeling extremly overwhelmed you could consider asking for a few more days off work.  It is a lot you are dealiing with and maybe a grief counsellor or just someone to sit across from you and listen will do.  Donot go beating up yourself the way you are doing because a couple more days you will be adding another level of pain to yourself.  Love ya and praying for you.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Apr 22, 2011
    • I’m so sorry for your loss. I agree with Mamapan that your mother may have decided she’d had enough, and while that’s difficult to understand being her daughter (like how could she choose to leave you behind?) the decision was her’s to make. That’s most difficult for family to be able to understand when we‘re still wanting to go on no matter what. And that is how we are, not who they are and not our decision.  

      I’m sure she is grateful for everything you’ve done for her.  

      Hugs,
      Cathie




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mzd3 wrote Apr 22, 2011
    • heart  So sorry for your loss....




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Momofthreeprincess wrote Apr 23, 2011
    • I am so sorry for your lost.  Take some time to grieve.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kyah wrote Apr 23, 2011
    • My condolences. You were there for your mother, that’s the main thing. You should not feel any guilt; thinking you could have done more, if your mother didn’t want to fight, you can’t make her do what she did not want to do. A lot of people in the medical profession have difficulty when a loved one gets sick and takes their final journey. But because you are a nurse, because you chose the healing profession, you know your charges are your patients and you know you can’t save them all, but you do what you can. But those you do save, are grateful for you forever, so take some time off to grieve and recharge, then return to healing. That is your special gift to the world.




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