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What should I do??my husband has this friend.  He happens to be an ace mechanic and also an alcoholic.  My husband is so dry its not even funny.  How he is friends with this person I have no clue.  Anyway, this friend of his, my husband wants him over Christmas Eve (fine with me) but wants him to sleep over and be with us Christmas Day.  I just cant.  I wont.  Husband and I are now in heated argument over this.  I just dont know what I should do.  I gave ultimatum.......him or me for Christmas.  Was I wrong?
This guy has no family (well he does) but chooses not to associate with them.  I think because he doesnt want them to know he drinks like he does.  This guy crashes and drools from being drunk.  It's disgusting.  I dont want to be around that during the holidays.  HELP!!!

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Dec 23, 2008
    • Okay...so now the PITA has been out all day....came home...went to the gym...and no sign of him yet.  He’s being a bigass baby cause I dont want his friend around.  Do men ever grow up???? Freakin A




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mz. Queen wrote Dec 23, 2008
    • I know you know how to handle issues with your spouse. I didn’t like my alcoholic exhusband being drunk around me, I sure as hell wouldn’t put up with house guests with the same behaviour friend or not. Do what you gotta do. Just stay safe.

      love47




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Dec 23, 2008
    • How about whisper this to his ear softly tonight “Honey, I have a special surprise for you on Christmas Eve and we may sing ‘carry on till tomorrow‘?”  Then go to Victoria Secret and really make him a big surprise.  Something for him to look forward to.  I hope. happy

      A little healthy manipulation between husband and wife seem ok to me.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Dec 23, 2008
    • Seeing that you tried to be honest with how you feel, what next?...You guys have been together and married for way too long to let something like this mess things up..not over a drunk friend..Gosh..he’s not even family...I’d say stick to your guns on this one, but I’m afraid you hubby intends on sticking to his too...Gurl..I don’t envy you...

      I have an issue with my in-laws being here too..but I had to concede on that one because it is family...grrrrr!!!!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leadinladytracy wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • Why does he have to spend the night? He can go home and come back on Christmas day. I am not comfortable with another man (who is not even family)sleeping in my house.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jacquie6363 wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • Oh Doreen, so sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this nonsense during the holiday season.  Tracy is right, this guy can go home and return the next day.  The thought of having a drunk sleeping in my home, oh hell no.  What if he gets all freaky during his drunken spell?

      Well, I would give my husband a dose of his own medicine and if he insists on his drunken buddy spending the night, oh well, then I would go spend the night with my family...see how it likes that.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Almostfive0 wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • Doreen,...WTF!?...
      I agree with Tracy as well...
      I’m all for having compassion for someone who may be down on his luck but why does he have to spend the night?  

      Maybe you should tell hubby to go spend Christmas with his drunk friend over his house...they can have their slumber party over there as well.
      Good luck




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Liatref wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • What an awful situation to be in.  It occurs to me that it is possible that your husband is assuming that this guy will get completely trashed and doesn’t want him driving drunk.  If your main objection to this guy is the drinking, perhaps you could say it’s okay if he stays, so long as there is no alcohol served at your house.  I suspect that the “problem” will take care of itself.
      Lia




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leadinladytracy wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • If the issue is your husband does not want him driving home drunk, then suggest that your husband drive him home and then pick him up on Christmas morning.

      You‘re not saying you don’t want to spend the holiday with him, you just don’t want him sleeping in your house over night.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenni0811 wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • Doreen, a couple of thoughts:

        Christmas is the perfect time to practice charity, forgiveness, love onto others. Try to resolve the negative feelings with your husband...it is he whom you love. Compromise is needed here. I am going to hope that this is a gathering without children present to witness the drunkenness. That would be a deal breaker in my book - not acceptable. As you said, have him over Christmas eve...try to limit his alcohol...best way is to simply not have it available in the house. If he does get drunk, arrange for someone to take him home...that could be your husband’s job since it is his friend. Remember, we all love & support you here....you can come to your friends at anytime. Keep us updated on your day.
      Merry Christmas Eve.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Ms-kay wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • Your husband has good intentions of not wanting to see his friend alone on the holidays but the sleeping arrangements are a big no-no!!
      Hopefully you both can compromise and work it out! Tis the season to be jolly...




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • Shame on him for putting you in such a position.

      Tell him no drinking & he’ll likely magically find somewhere else to crash. Good luck & have a Merry Christmas.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • I am thinking on the same lines as Jen - fine, he can come but no drinking. I see your hubby’s charitable offer as being something that you could concede to, but not the alcohol. Or the take him home and go get him again offer sounds like a fair compromise to me. I feel for you!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • I agree with Jenz.... shame on him for putting you in this position!!!  Don’t you dare feel guilty for saying “No.”

      I have been there, done that, and many years later (20 something years) I STILL think .... he was a big jerk~!
      He is my ex, but it still can make my blood boil when I think about this type of similiar action. Get this.... my ex’s friend wanted to come from Tennesee to stay with us the DAY AFTER I HAD MY FIRST CHILD~!!!!  Until I met the man I am married to now I thought all men were jerks.

      I’m so sorry that he is ruining this holiday season for you,
      and I really have compassion for you! I am wishing and hoping this best for you!

      Big Hugs~!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Bluerose wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • I can see your hubby’s point of view in that he doesn’t want his friend alone & drunk during the holiday.  Sounds like your hubby has a good heart & intentions.  But spending the night is a little overboard.  See if your husband will agree to any of these compromises.

      1) Friend can visit Christmas Eve & Christmas Day. But needs to sleep at home.  No alcohol because he doesn’t know when to stop.

      2) Friend can visit Christmas Eve & Christmas Day, however either you or your husband will drive him home if he insists on drinking.

      3) Friend can visit either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, not both.

      Your husband needs to understand your side as well.  Take a deep breath and GOOD LUCK!




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