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Does anyone have advice on setting healthy boundaries with the ex who is also the father of your child?

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sonya Yount wrote Sep 9, 2011
    • My ex and I have been divorced for three years. He did not want the divorce, but he was very controlling, jealous, and mean mouthed. He tapped our phone and made simple things like grocery shopping he’ll in earth. recently, he has been being much nicer, the constant fussing has declined a great deal.... And here’s the kicker...he works third shift so he has been staying at my house for the past month or so to try to establish an agreement concerning child support, etc prior to our court date. I didn’t invite him to “move in” but it seems like that is what he is trying to do. I know that I should kick him out on his ass and let that be that, but he is so full of hate, hate that he plants into our six year old, and I know that all of those behavioral are going to resurface and my son will return to having break downs at school and acting out. HELP!!

      Sonya...loving, concerned parent




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Sep 9, 2011
    • 1st off he needs to go out now ASAP!!! then you can establish the thing where he has the understanding that yours/his relationship is over and that the only common bond is your child. He needs to know that he can no longer be in or control your life outside of being there for your child. You must not allow this man to keep you in fear even when he is out! You need to take he ball and keep it in your court, it seems he is still in control, are you afraid of him still?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sonya Yount wrote Sep 9, 2011
    • This man has terrorized the children and I for years. He has has the police to so several welfare checks in which they came into the home and questioned my children extensively. He tells my son all of the time that he is going to have me arrested and that he will never see any of us again. This resulted in my little boy having a breakdown at school and having to have an emergency counseling session. When I retained a lawyer, he has basically taken my money and done nothing for over a year now. It’s been hard. And I am unemployed and barely getting by at the moment, after having had a really good job, so, yes. To answer your question, yes he scares me. “The good old boys club” rules around here and I seem to get no support. Can’t afford to move. He is less aggressive when he gets his way, and I feel trapped. Never thought I would find myself here.

      Sonya




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Sep 10, 2011
    • Ummmmmm Sonya what is different than your marriage? RUN girl! And don’t look back! No guilt or anything!!!!!

      Not only is this situation NOT healthy for you it’s not good for your kids either. I always say kids will mimic their parents relationships when they are in one. Is this the kind of relationship you want for them? You have to be the strong one and not rely on anyone else. YOU have to make changes. YOU have to enforce them. YOU are the one setting the example for your kids.

      If you are still afraid of him then you need to get further away. Explain it to the judge and ask for help!




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Vonniegirl wrote Sep 10, 2011
    • It sounds like not much has changed since you made him leave. Make sure to document his comments, threats and actions in some kind of diary. Make sure your attorney has a copy in case yours comes up missing and include those times when your son has his concerns. It’s time you set the boundaries in stone until he seeks therapy for his controlling behavior and new behavior is consistency demonstrated. If those do not come let the court know of his issues and your concerns and let the attorneys set the boundaries for you and your child’s safety. I wish you peace with this.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sonya Yount wrote Sep 10, 2011
    • I appreciate all if the support, and you are right Vikki, children do mimic their parents relationship, and no, I don’t want this for them. Ironic thing is, I previously worked in Mental Health Support and was attacked by a child who came from a similar situation that I have, and thus led to my unemployment because I couldn’t walk due to very strained back muscles for a couple of months, and I continue to have migraines and other problems as a result of that attack. I have spoken with my lawyer so many times regarding the danger I feel we are in and he kept putting off any court dates I have had so far. I am ashamed and I sometimes feel like people treat me like I am whining when I talk about it. I had a grant to attend UTM this semester, but had to give it back because I would have to drive to campus more often than I initially realized, so there goes the Masters Degree. I am rambling.....I live my children so much...they are my life. I am complimented a lot on how mannerly my boys are, which makes me feel I am doing something right. And my oldest, Raleigh, was baptized this summer. I was so pleased. The Lord blessed us. We are supposed to go to court next month, if nothing happens. Pray that we get our days I can present my journals to the judge and beg for help in this matter. Thank you friends...it is a hard for me to be so personal with people I haven’t met, but after reading the many posts of the concern you all at Fab40 show for each other, I feel like I will get the support and feedback I have needed for so long. (I have tears in my eyes) thank you. heart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Wendy101 wrote Jan 20, 2013
    • Unfortunately due to my situation which is different for everyone so keep that in mind when I tell you I have a very strict boundary. We talk about nothing unless it deals with the children and even then it goes through the lawyers because he uses the children to control the situation still. So any bad relationship with an ex I advice keep talks on the focus of what is best for the children. If the relationship with the ex is more friendly, meet in public, keep focus on the children and only give imformation you feel they must know other than that hi how are and encouragement on any life changes they have.




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