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Over 20 years ago I ended a friendship with someone that I had embraced as family and I felt equally embraced as such by her and her family. We were very close and our friendship ended when I approached her for repayment on a loan. She denied the loan (nothing in writing) and said she wouldn’t be paying me back. I walked away considering that to be the end of the friendship. Fast forward 23 years and she has found me thanks to the Internet, we have exchanged a couple of emails. She asked for my phone number and I gave it to her. She mentions wanting to visit face to face and it is possible our paths could cross as we have family in the same area. Here’s where I need some feedback....How should I handle the phone call? I don’t remember the amount, at the time to me it was substantial and not getting the money back as promised put me in a bind and of course taught me a life long lesson. I’m not one to hold grudges yet I know I wouldn’t be able to not address how the friendship ended. In her email she writes: “I think about u all the time u were my true friend and i was stupid.. I would like to talk to u i miss u.”  I don’t have any expectations at this point, after all it has been a lifetime ago, part of me is curious as to how she is and what she has to say.

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Sep 15, 2011
    • I think it’s excellent that you “have no expectations” as it will make it much easier to have an enjoyable meeting if you‘re not looking for her to say or do something specific.  I think you worded it perfectly:
      ” I don't remember the amount, at the time to me it was substantial and not getting the money back as promised put me in a bind and of course taught me a life long lesson.”

      You‘re both adults with different perspectives than 23 years ago.  Considering the circumstances, you’ve got to hand it to her for having the kahunas to contact you.  You must have been someone very important to her at the time.  If you do find out why she felt that not repaying you was an option, i hope you’ll share it with us as i’m curious!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Sep 15, 2011
    • Daphne, I was surprised to hear from her and I will update if I get the answers. We became very close, but the end of that friendship left me raw for a long time. I’m interested in her perspective as well considering the amount of time that has passed.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Sep 15, 2011
    • I’m wondering if by her saying “I was stupid” she may want to acknowledge the loan and lack of payment. Since the friendship was such a close one at the time, it may give both of you the opportunity to mend fences.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kyah wrote Sep 16, 2011
    • I learned long time ago, never lend friends money unless they sign an IOU. May sound cold and callous, but even when I needed to get out of a hole and one of my friends offered to lend me a couple of thousand, I insisted on giving her an IOU. I paid it back in full, because that’s just how I am, but if you get a chance to talk with her, whip out that incident right up front and how you felt about it then and now.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Sep 16, 2011
    • This might sound strange, but all those years ago when she borrowed money and did not pay it back, you both continued on with your lives and it did not bother her at the time that your relationship ended as friends..my question is could she be contacting you again because of a similar situation?  I don’t want to think badly of a person, but to me she does not have a good track record with you because of the money issue and also why wait so many years to contact you as you mentioned family in the same area...This is what goes through my brain, but I could be wrong.

      I hope her intentions are good, Ruby!

      heart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Sep 16, 2011
    • Ruby, my thoughts are that she may want to repay you now! I’d remain optimistic, but if it doesn’t come up by her I would feel compelled to open that chapter up to ask why she never paid the loan back, and if she has any intentions on paying it now seeing it was she who contacted you, please let us know the outcome.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Sep 16, 2011
    • Let by gone be by gone.

      Start this friendship anew and re-build this.  Just enjoy.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Msj wrote Sep 17, 2011
    • Marya we don’t know that the ending friendship did not bother the ex friend at the time...  Who knows, everyone makes mistakes.  I say go by your gut feeling.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Monay wrote Sep 18, 2011
    • Be open minded when you meet. I think if she is reaching out...meet with her enjoy the conversation and take one day at a time.  Trust has to be earned.  Just know that you should never loan anyone money.  If you can not give to them don’t loan it even if it is writing. estatic  Good luck!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Sep 18, 2011
    • Thanks all for the feedback, we are a few states away from each other so I don’t anticipate any face to face meeting anytime soon. I haven’t heard back from her after my reply to her. I will keep you all posted on how it goes.heart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Msj wrote Sep 18, 2011
    • good one monay!

      keep us posted!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Sep 19, 2011
    • I would take into consideration that it was 23 years ago.  At this point, I would just consider it a gift imo.  I think she’s contacted you because she misses the friendship and I’m sure she’s embarrassed that she never payed you the money back.  If you want to renew the friendship, I wouldn’t mention it.  Leave that up to her.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Sep 24, 2011
    • My friendship ended this year with my dearest friend who lead me on to believe that she was having an affair with my husband. She did this just to hurt me. How do you forgive someone like that? It would be easier for me to forgive her for not paying a debt.worried




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Sep 24, 2011
    • Anon...you have received a HUGE gift by eliminating that kind of person from your life.  Dearest friend who lead you on to believe she was having an affair with your husband ?  I don't know how those two "facts" can even BE in the same sentence!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Sep 24, 2011
    • Ditto Daphne




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Sep 24, 2011
    • Thats true Daphne....So I thought she was...She almost recked my relationship with my husband.....God was on my side though. With alot of praying and changes on my side we have so much respect for each other now.....It took alot of work to get where we are nowheart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nita P wrote Jan 24, 2012
    • meet her see how it goes, bring up your feelings and the situation it placed u in many years ago.  help her but when it comes to financial help u are unable to




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