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I am with a man of almost three years now. He is a good man, but was a bachelor for many years. I however, was married for 19 years prior. WE clicked at first. He was intense & the chemistry was amazing. But since we moved in together, things changed slowly. Now although we are closer on an intellectual level, physically there is not much of a connection. He says its because of stressors, being out of shape etc. That we are not intimate. I admit, I am a woman that craves a physical relationship. You can tell me all day how beautiful I am, how much you love me, but I need to be shown that physically! Of course the mind wanders thinking he just is not attracted to me. Which makes me insane and so insecure. I love this man, and he, I truly believe loves me as well. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and that he wants to get married. He just bought a house, for us. Everything he does is with me in mind....but I cant get over this, I feel so empty. And when I try to talk he gets angry, says woman just want to talk to much! lol that I am not being patient, and things will get better. Help....any advice out there!!!???




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Sep 26, 2011
    • He might be experiencing low testosterone or maybe erectile dysfunction as you mentioned he is out of shape.  It sounds like he needs a trip to the doctor..maybe you can suggest that to him in a gentle way..men can be so hidden with their problems.  

      Hope all goes well!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Sep 26, 2011
    • a long talk....




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Carey Meredith wrote Sep 26, 2011
    • Thank you both, well he is not, that out of shape to me...He has gained about 20lbs since we started dating. He does have a low self imagine problem sometimes...which I try to encourage constantly. He does not have dysfunction but may have low testosterone...I have been researching that! Talk....well he always turns that around as I am not happy with him, he will never be good enough. That is SOOO hurtful when he says that...and then we end up in a fight!




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Sep 26, 2011
    • Counseling.....




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Sep 26, 2011
    • Well since you asked.....from my experience dating men at an older age who have never married I’ve found theres always a reason they never married.  I dated a guy for 4 1/2 years in his 40’s who had never married.  He asked me to marry him, etc, etc.  Needless to say I’ve been married to someone else for almost 8 years and I dated him almost 13 years ago and he’s still not married.  I don’t mean any offense, just saying.  Best of luck to you.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Sep 26, 2011
    • ps - you mentioned he  bought a house for the two of you, did he put your name on the home?




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Sep 26, 2011
    • Ditto to what Marya said, most times men will shy away from sex, being physical with a woman no matter how much they love them when they themselves know they are having issues with their private parts. He needs to own up to it and go get some counseling as well as see a doctor to see what he can offer him to help him be a better lover for the both of you, best of luck to you and welcome to Fab40.happy




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Sep 26, 2011
    • How can he ask you to spend the rest of your life with him when he can’t even spend enough time with you to have a MEANINGFUL and necessary conversation?  If he truly wants to spend the rest of his life with you, he is obligated to lay his cards on the table.  We‘re not kids anymore...the ol’ “bait and switch” is readily identifiable, here.  He’s promising that things will change...i’d promise him the same thing...if he doesn’t CHANGE his attitude about dealing with what you deem an IMPORTANT situation, you will change your relationship status.  I wouldn’t suggest strong-arming him but if you can’t appeal to him without satisfaction, you’ll be living with resentment.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Sep 26, 2011
    • Well said Daphne!!!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Carey Meredith wrote Sep 26, 2011
    • Very well said Daphne..and I do appreciate ALL the comments. And I will let you know how your advice works out.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Sep 26, 2011
    • An older man (or woman) that has never been married has as much baggage (if not more) than a man (or woman) that has been married and divorced several times over.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kmarie wrote Sep 27, 2011
    • I really would encourage him to visit a doctor or counselling. There really does appear to possible be other problems




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Carey Meredith wrote Sep 27, 2011
    • Communication has been a bit harder then I have experienced with others. But when we do, he does open up. I think it takes time for him to trust. As everyone of us, he has been hurt, let down and promised a lifetime of happiness with so many others. We all are looking for that perfect someone, although no one is perfect, we have to look at them with imperfections and all, try to understand where they have been and what they went through. I am learning to open up and be more assertive in what I what and need. And I do have to take control of my life....its been a long journey for myself. And I want him to be by my side, but if things change, I will embrace change. Thanks to everyone for you words of support.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Sep 28, 2011
    • Excellent advice, Mosher!  I thought of something also, when you mentioned he had a low self image issue, that can definitely play a huge role in how he responds to you.  He might be putting up a brick wall in order to save himself heartache and confrontation.  Of course, that’s not good for you, but as the ladies mentioned, counseling might not be a bad thing if it persists.  It does sound like he loves you, but there might be a barrier that you can’t fix, only he can.

      Please let us know how things work out!




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