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anonymous Anonymous

Q & A

My husband lacks compassion for me. Is it normal for a man to lack compassion?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Queenmunch wrote Oct 22, 2011
    • Lots of possibilities here-
      He might have Aspergers Syndrome - it’s very common,especially amongst boys/men. Is he just focused on his own needs? Does he love routine and similarity?
      Lack of compassion is a common thing,boys are brought up not to cry - could be his mothers fault.
      One thing for sure - its not your fault.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Oct 22, 2011
    • Some men just lack compassion......and are just stupid enough to not realize how they are....bless their hearts...heartbreak




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Momofthreeprincess wrote Oct 22, 2011
    • I have a friend that has this same issue with her own husband.  For him it was the way how he was raised.  His mother is a very cold hearted person.  He didn’t really have a father around to help him deal with everything that was thrown at him either.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Oct 22, 2011
    • I agree with all of the above.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cc-u wrote Oct 22, 2011
    • Does he show compassion to anyone else?  That could speak volumes




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Oct 22, 2011
    • He is very warm gentle with me when we snuggle up together or we are intimate. And he is warm to the kids, but when we have to talk about things to do with finances and other stuff. He is very stiff and course. Like he is barking at me. His step-mother left for overseas and never came back and never got intouch for more than 15 years. His father was not nice to me when we first got married , however he has been very nice to me for the greater part of our marriage.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Oct 22, 2011
    • He is very nice to others. They all think he is a great guy. He is very close to my mother. When I share with others what I am going through, they find it very hard to believe. Very cordial and kind. He listens to others and try to solve what ever the issues are. Very loved on the job. All the jobs he has ever had thy think highly of him. They all dont know that he puts them all before me. Is there something realy wrong with him?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Oct 22, 2011
    • I couldn’t say if there’s anything wrong with him. I know a LOT of men just like him.  You are in the same boat with a lot of other wives.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Louisaf wrote Oct 23, 2011
    • I agree with the above comment. I think it’s a man thing . My husband has all the time to give advise and listen to others but with me all he says is ‘yes dear’  also he expects me to listen to all his woes. Why don’t you tell him how you feel:)




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Oct 23, 2011
    • That is a man’s brain!!!

      Try reading the book Men are From Mars/Women are from VEnus...it might shed a little light on how we are all wired.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Oct 23, 2011
    • Man thing or not, it is very painful. I am very careful how I speak and approach him about things that I know stresses him out. I just wish this went both ways.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Oct 23, 2011
    • Some men just wasn’t taught to show compassion especially if it wasn’t shown in their home during their up bringing. Like someone else had said some men don’t realize how being so cold can effect their partners. My hubby wasn’t the most compassionate man either when we first met because of his family background, he never saw compassion shown in the home. So I turly understand what you‘re saying but there is hope. I had to show him how to love me and show compassion towards me as well as pray for our marriage because without it we wouldn’t have made it this far, we’ll celebrate 10 years of marriage next month. He is a blessing to my life now as I am to his. I pray things will get better for you.happy




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Brimstone1968 wrote Oct 24, 2011
    • Men can be really lack compassion and I agree with the ladies.  My husband was in that boat for at least the first couple years of our marriage.  His Mom left for overseases after some man, did not come back, his father took up with another woman who wanted nothing to do with them so he ended being raised by an Aunt who had to be father and mother so their was no time for kissing up and smothering up 8 kids (her own and my huband’s and his siblings).  Everything in that home was business and getting to the point of whatever.  I had to teach him and show him and with a  whole lot of PRAYER her melted and came around.  He is truly my heart and we celebrate 21 years December.  Communicate, communicate, communicate, pray, pray, pray and you show him and win him by your actions as well.  Blessings on your life my friend.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Oct 24, 2011
    • Thanks guys....I have tried all what you have suggested...Maybe I am tired....He changed his job recently and since that time all the changes seams to have gone through the window....If only in times like this I fall back on all the wisdom I have acquired all these yearsheart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Oct 24, 2011
    • While the ladies all have valid insights, after reading your second comment, here is what i suspect:

      You say your husband becomes “stiff and coarse“, “barking at you” when you try to discuss finances and other things.  IMO, your husband could be reacting to HIS lack of success in those areas, thereby creating an insecurity.  Insecurity harbors fear, fear materializes in a lot of ways...one being anger.  Is it possible that your husband is reacting more to the situation than to YOU?  Give him that benefit of the doubt and see how he adds up in other areas that require compassion.  Men NEED to feel successful in order to be at peace with themselves.  Inner peace is shown outwardly in so many ways...one being a man’s ability to handle difficult situations reasonably and without conflict.  Inner conflict creates outer conflict.

      Just my spin on things...




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Louisaf wrote Oct 24, 2011
    • Good point daphne, well said.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Oct 24, 2011
    • Daphne you have a point! A big one. We have just come out of financial struggles. We are doing very well now and there have been moments he said he does not want to go back to where we wereheart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Oct 24, 2011
    • Great points Daphne...heart

      Again...it’s all about how we as females are wired...and how men are wired...generally speaking that is..there are some exceptions in both sexes.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Oct 24, 2011
    • I can totally relate to the “barking“..so that is when I go into “cold shoulder” mode...it may sound worse than it is, but honestly, as much as we love our men, there is a thin line and respect is still very important..if you feel that the money aspect plays a big role in his behavior, you are probably right on target, but IMO, men are wired differently as Mary mentioned...I may have to get that book too!!heart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Louisaf wrote Oct 24, 2011
    • I’ve ordered it already! Looking forward to getting stuck in. I really do think that all men are the same, to a certain degree , has to be in their genes!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Oct 25, 2011
    • Hubby spoke to me about our finances in detail yesterday....Because I realize what was wrong it was so much easier for me to relate to him and work out our differences....I even reveled information I had been hiding because I was afraid of his response....He was more respectful and it was so refreshing to sit and work things out......He went off a little but I tried to remain calm. I am so happy I told him the secret as it was killing me knowing he would be mad. Now it is in the open and I feel so much lighter and I now can move on with what we agreed on pertaining to our budget. Thanks guys. You are a great bunchheart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Oct 25, 2011
    • Anon...that is super! Being honest and everyone being on the same page...just works so much better! Life is hard when you‘re hiding something or living a lie.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nita P wrote Jan 26, 2012
    • it is normal for people not to show compassion if it has not been shown to this person, if it has not been given to this person, if this person is depressed, sick, unwell, if he does not understand compassion in the way u do....




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