Don't have an account? To participate in discussions consider signing up or signing in
facebook connect
Sign-up, its free! Close [x]

Benefits

  • okay Create lasting relationships with other like minded women.
  • okay Blogging, let your voice be heard!
  • okay Interact with other women through blogs,questions and groups.
  • okay Photo Album, upload your most recent vacation pictures.
  • okay Contests, Free weekly prize drawing.
  • okay Weekly Newsletter.

+2
Love it

Q & A

Family dilemma here.  My mother had surgery on Nov. 1 and can’t drive and needs help for at least 6 weeks.  She’s home now but the only 2 people spending the nights and days are her sister and myself.  I work FT her sister is there during the week and I go after work on Friday night and stay through Monday.  My question is she has a brother who is retired but doesn’t spend the night.  I really need a break.  Any ideas on how to politely ask the brother and his wife to help more?
+2
Love it



Answer this See more Questions

View All Answers

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Nov 18, 2011
    • She might need a break from me too!  We had our friends ask up after Thanksgiving but that’s the weekend and I don’t know of anyone who’s offered to stay.  Her son works overseas and is coming home for Thanksgiving but his wife want’s to have it at her house which is 3 hrs. away.  That’s too hard on her.  

      She also had knee surgery 4 months ago and it didn’t go well.  Her sister and I were again the only 2 to be spending the night.  I guess I’m just feeling frustrated knowing her brother and his wife are retired and know I work FT and leave it on me.  Plus, after her surgery (she found out she had lung cancer and they had to remove her entire lung), they went out of town for 6 day’s 2 day’s after the surger.  Any suggestions would be appreciated.  (that’s why I haven’t been on much lately).




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Nov 18, 2011
    • Just flat out ask them.  And be specific about what you need.  Don’t leave it at “could you help?”  If you really need them to spend monday and tuesday night, just ask.  They might be thinking you’ve got it all under control and so aren’t needed.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Butterflyrose wrote Nov 18, 2011
    • I totally agree with Tulip’s advice. Let your needs be known as caregiving is a family affair, not a one or two man show! ASK for help!

      I am the Family Caregiver and I understand your feelings.  I get lots of support from my immediate family and realize the toll it could take without their full support.

      Angelcart, you do need a break! Being a caregiver is exhausting and consuming, stepping away for a short time is very much needed. TAKING CARE OF YOUSELF is vital! You must connect with your life: hobbies, attending events, relaxing, resting and simply doing nothing at all to be the best you and the best caregiver for your mother. Finding BALANCE is the key!

      You will be in my prayers. Oh yes, remember THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

      An act of kindness is a gift given
      Butterflyrose

      #enjoylifeheart




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Nov 18, 2011
    • Right on Tulip!  Just ask, tell them you are overwhelmed and need a little break to re-group..sometimes family members can be so clueless, you want to pull your hair out.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Nov 18, 2011
    • Thanks guys, I appreciate your input.  It’s just so hard for me to ask.  I don’t know why I’ve always been that way.tongue out




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Nov 18, 2011
    • I understand that completely Anagelcart.  I’m the same way.  Asking for help is the absolute last resort with me.  I just hate doing it.  But sometimes we gotta just bite the bullet and do it to save our own sanity/heatlh.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Butterflyrose wrote Nov 18, 2011
    • My independence and not wanting to cause others to go out of their way prevented me from ever asking for help. But, I’ve always helped others. Now, I have learned to allow others to help me. It blesses them as well as me.

      An  act of kindness is a gift given
      Butterflyrose

      #enjoylifeheart




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Nov 18, 2011
    • I know asking is a tough thing to do. Take a deep breath and ask - the worst they could do is say no.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mzd3 wrote Nov 18, 2011
    • When my grandma needed around the clock care, my aunt went to each person with pad and paper and said when can you be here to help? and she wrote the schedule out.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Nov 18, 2011
    • Ask with a calendar at hand so you can get specific dates and times that they will help.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Nov 18, 2011
    • Ditto to what Chocolatier said. Best of luck to you.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Victorious wrote Nov 18, 2011
    • I agree with everyone...Just ask....Some persons need a push to help....Sad...But thats how it isheart




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Carine Nadel wrote Nov 20, 2011
    • why be polite-just say, hey it’s time for you to step up and give us a hand w/ your sister, my mom!

      just did this BTW, w/ mil.   sil has spent the last 20+ YEARS throwing her brother under the bus and not really helping w/ her.  mil has alienated everyone down here and is CONSTANTLY telling us how much better her “other” family is (again, they do nothing except put up w/ her for T-giving!).

      This time, we told sil-we’ve had her, YOU get her for the next 20!

      LOL-the woman is 83.  so sil still is going to have her less and the government apt building won’t even take her at the earliest until April...

      JUST tell him.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nita P wrote Jan 26, 2012
    • yes forget the polite...just tell them what they are now required to do.  do not give them an opportunity to talk themselves out of it




            Report  Reply


Ask a Question






mature content submit as anonymous