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Anyone else having trouble coping with an aging parent?
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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Jul 15, 2012
    • I have been doing my best to be patient and kind to my mother lately, and on the surface I’m doing ok with that.  But I come home and rant to my poor DH.

      I gently brought up the subject of anti-anxiety meds today and got shot down about that.  (No surprise) We got out in public and she’s all smiles and chatty and then comes out with wildly inappropriate comments, and then behind closed doors she is so negative and nasty, not to me neccesarily, but about other people.  Very judgemental.

      I’ve never really liked my mom.  I love her because she’s my mom, but I don’t Like her.  And it gets harder all the time.  Grandma was mom’s best friend and when Grandma passed away, mom lost her best friend.  And she’s moved so much that she doesn’t have hardly any girlfriends to have a good ol’ bitch fest with.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linda L wrote Jul 15, 2012
    • Hi Tulip,

      I’m in the same situation as you. Mom was always the queen of mean. She was sweet in public, however behind closed doors she would trash everyone. She blamed everyone for her problems. I would tell her that she’s rude, but she claims she has the right to say whatever she wants. Despite her cruelty we did get along in my younger years.

      As she has aged mom is always feeling sorry for herself and refuses to take better care of her health. She just sits around doing nothing - poor dad does the cleaning and puts up with her.

      Sad to say, but I don’t like being around my mom too. Of course, I love her because she’s my mom, but it hurts to see what she has become. worried




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Beverly321 wrote Jul 16, 2012
    • Well I have to admit I had the same trouble with my mom as well.  The thing is is she is your mother and not necessarily your friend.  Friends are people we like and ‘choice’ to be with.  I would suggest you relie on that description in your relationship with her. She is your mother and you are her daughter.   Set up boundaries and limitations as far as what you are going to allow your mother to say to you.  Have an honest conversation about  how some of the things she says to you bother you and ask her to not talk about this or that which upsets you.  If she gets mad or doesn’t listen then try to change the subject to something else and remind her that you had asked her not to talk about this or that.  If your mothers bad behavior continues then try setting limits on the time you spend with her.  My mother wasn’t reasonable at all so I adventually had to limit conversations and visits to only vitally important times.  This is very hard to do.   I had to do this because the abuse that I recognized that was happening was making me very unhappy.  You love your mother but you also love yourself and want to be able to live and enjoy your life.  Sometimes to protect yourself it means saying no to a loved one.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linda L wrote Jul 16, 2012
    • Hi Beverly,

      Yes, I get unhappy around her and to protect myself from it I need to limit conversations and visits with mom. I feel bad saying this...




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Beverly321 wrote Jul 16, 2012
    • Try not to be so hard on yourself.  I don’t think we are meant to save are parents.  We are there to love them the best way we can.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linda L wrote Jul 16, 2012
    • Thank you Beverly.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Jul 16, 2012
    • Thanks girls.  It helps to know I’m not alone in this!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Jul 16, 2012
    • Beverly, that’s a good idea about setting some limits of what I’m willing to talk about with her.  I’ve been divorced ten years now and she still has to drag my ex into the conversation Every Single Time I am at her house.

      I had a cousin who died last week (Dad’s nephew).  I have no interest in discussing the subject.  Haven’t seen the boy in 30 years and the whole thing is of no interest to me.  I told her that point blank.  I said, “I do not care and am not interested.”  Those exact words and she still went on at length about this person who neither she nor I know. ???




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