Don't have an account? To participate in discussions consider signing up or signing in
facebook connect
Sign-up, its free! Close [x]

Benefits

  • okay Create lasting relationships with other like minded women.
  • okay Blogging, let your voice be heard!
  • okay Interact with other women through blogs,questions and groups.
  • okay Photo Album, upload your most recent vacation pictures.
  • okay Contests, Free weekly prize drawing.
  • okay Weekly Newsletter.

Q & A

Ladies, how do you maintain the spark in your relationships??? I’ve been with my guy for 4.5 years. While he is still very sweet, that passion he had in the beginning is long gone. Sometimes I feel like I have to poke him with a stick just to get a reaction... He never gets jealous (I think a little bit is good, it makes a woman feel wanted... Too much is gross). And, I notice that he doesn’t exactly ignore me but he is in no way as attentive or interested as he used to be. Help! I’d love to hear everyones opinions or personal experiences.   http://www.gettingmyitback.com



Answer this See more Questions

View All Answers

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Sep 2, 2012
    • Just my thought, but he probably feels very comfortable with you in the relationship and men do tend to forget about the passion and romance after a while...sometimes it is up to us to rekindle that passion.  Hub and I have been together for 28 years and he loves the routine, but I get bored, and then I make the changes..it really makes a difference!estatic




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Annm1030 wrote Sep 2, 2012
    • Thank you, Mary! Hearing you’ve been together 28 years gives me hope. I agree with what you said... and, like you, I try to instigate the changes. I guess I’d just like to see some of the oomph come back, ya know? :)




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Sep 2, 2012
    • All men really want is to be ocmfortable.   If we want more than that, it’s usually up to us to prod more out of them.

      It’s been my experience that most men are attentive only long enough to get us hooked, and then they forget how to be that way.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Annm1030 wrote Sep 2, 2012
    • Amen, Tulip...




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Sep 3, 2012
    • I agree with Mary.... It’s up to us to keep the spark going. After all if I’m the one not happy then it’s my responsibility to mix it up.

      I never  put my hubz or anyone else in charge of my happiness!




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Annm1030 wrote Sep 3, 2012
    • I don’t know about it being solely up to us as women- I feel in a relationship it takes both people to keep the spark alive... One sidedness leads to resentment.  I have no problems poking him with a sugar coated stick every now and then but if he keeps playing possum, I’m going to lose interest.

      However, I do agree that we are in charge of our own happiness, even if that means moving on.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Sep 3, 2012
    • hearthappyAll the ladies have given some great answers. It is pretty much up to us the women to keep the spark going in the relationship, most men feel once they have us they‘re ok with it like someone else said they get comfortable with us after a time, so if its spark you want add it go and do some of the romantic planning you did when you two were dating in the early years, that should spark something in him, but like Vikki said no one else should be in charge of our happiness make yourself happy so go for it and I wish you all the luck!hearthappy




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Annm1030 wrote Sep 3, 2012
    • Okay then ladies, give me some ideas! happy




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Teresa Price wrote Sep 3, 2012
    • I find that my husband gets interested when I change my routine because honestly we get comfortable with the routine also and like everyone said we need to make a change. When I start getting out there doing things on my own take a paint class or go out with the girls or something different that he is not use to. Men like a little chase when we are chasing them they get to comfortable. We have to keep things interesting we need to make changes in ourselves and like all the ladies said we are in charge of our own happiness. For me when I started being more interested in my looks and getting out there doing things that make me happy and stop worrying about him making me happy he started changing wanting to be more involved. Relationships take work! We sometimes have to remember how we were when we were dating also how we acted around them we have to sometimes make them look twice.lol put a little spice in the mix if you know what I mean. If he sees you start changing routine and start being happy without him he is going to want to get involved. This worked for me it is not guaranteed for anyone else but maybe it will help you. I hope it helps a little




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Annm1030 wrote Sep 3, 2012
    • Teresa, that is excellent advice!!! Actually, that’s what I’ve been trying to do - take better care of myself and put myself out there (friends, activities, etc). I realize my guy didn’t sign up for a 30 lb weight gain and prickly legs. However I didn’t sign up for Friday nights watching TV alone while he runs a dungeon for 3 hours.  

      The only thing I disagree with (respectfully) that all of you said is that it’s up to us as the woman to keep things fresh.  

      Again, I agree that we, as individuals, are in charge of our own happiness but I'm sorry, in the case of a relationship it takes both people to keep the spark alive... It saddens me that everyone feels all the weight should be put upon the woman's shoulders. If I'm going to go through all of the trouble to lose weight, spice things up in the bedroom, etc - then he better start leaving me the occasional love note and/or buying me flowers every now and then (without being coerced).  What I really (really) want is for him to look at me like he used to.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Sep 3, 2012
    • Are you wine drinkers? Beer drinkers? Foodies?

      One time I set up a wine tasting event for just my hubz and me. I had little snacks, good music and while I didn’t get all decked out I did have on really nice underthings ( when you feel good it shows).

      We are not experts or anything. The whole point was to get us to engage with each other and not be the normal routine.  

      Another time I switched it up with beer. I’m not into beer but he is so it was fun for him to have me ask questions about flavor and stuff.

      Now if you go to the trouble of doing anything like this and he still plays possum it may be time to take a more direct approach. Ask him what he wants out of your relationship and tell him what you want out of it.

      Whatever you do do not lay blame on him. It’s about HIS wants and YOUR wants. Only speak to yours.

      Let us know!




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Sep 3, 2012
    • Annm I sure hope you are doing the weightless and personal beauty thing for YOU!  

      Since hitting 40+ I look at things differently. For so many years I put me on the back burner and made it all about the kids and hubz. The kids are grown and the hubz is capable of wiping his own a**

      So it’s time for ME!!!! That is why so many of us are saying that our happiness is up to us and no one else. He may be happy with how things are.... So most guys (mine included) wont mess with the formula that works for them!

      I wish you success or at least lots of fun while searching.....




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Annm1030 wrote Sep 4, 2012
    • Hi Vikki :) I know all of you ladies have the best intentions regarding this chat. I thank you all for adding your input as you’ve all offered a lot of great advice. I actually started a blog/diary about bettering myself and getting my “it” back. And, yes, I’m doing that -for me-. To quote Samantha Jones: “I love you... but I love me more. I’ve been in a relationship with myself for 43 years now and that’s the one I need to work on“.

      Eh, it is what it is... I will try some of the suggestions you’ve listed and let you know what happens. :)




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Sep 4, 2012
    • Hi Annm..I got to thinking about this for the last day or so, and it occurred to me that hub does take part in planning for us.  We do make a date night every Friday night which would be anything from appetizers, drinks and music on the back porch to an evening out at a local tavern..that has been a staple for us for many years and we both look forward to it, and he does initiate it many Friday nights with his ideas.

      We also do one night get-away at any given time during the year, that is a huge plus as it also gives us a chance to see and experience new things.  My hub is also a quiet man who definitely needs a nudge, but he follows and pays attention to the things that interest me, and therefore tries in his sweet way to come up with a plan.  I think some men are very worldly and always have ideas, and some men need the push.  We have a friend who always has ideas and his wife is always pleased, but many of us are not that fortunate...so that is why it is up to some women to entice and take the bull by the horns.

      I sure hope this info has helped in some way, also you mentioned the love note or flowers...a while back I left love notes in the medicine cabinet for hub and he would find them and then he started to leave me a note or pick a pretty flower from the garden and leave it in a cup of water in the kitchen...that is what it takes...a nudge!

      Have a great day!!estatic




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Sep 4, 2012
    • Also, do you both have a hobby that you love together?...hub and I are avid bird watchers and we have a bird sanctuary in the yard...it is fun to witness new birds and discuss this together!estatic




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Teresa Price wrote Sep 4, 2012
    • You are right about a relationship it takes two to make it work. I was just saying that the one in charge of our happiness is you. Sometimes it takes one or the other person to make a change for the other one to take notice again and start caring and if that dont work. Communication is key you might need to sit down and explain. Sometimes as woman we try to get our husbands to guess what we are upset about or trying to change and our husbands at least most of them are clueless unless we tell them or show them. So do what you are doing make your changes for you make yourself happy and if he does not catch on then it is time to sit down and talk to him about your relationship and what you would like to see come of it. Hope that helps and again you are right about relationships the men should be trying to sweep us off our feet to but again we get comfortable and we have to remind our men that we are the woman they fell in love.




            Report  Reply


Ask a Question






mature content submit as anonymous