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Would it be inappropriate to bring a dish, for everyone, to my sister-in-law’s baby’s birthday? She consistently serves high salt, ordered out food for these parties. My father and I have heart conditions and should not eat these foods she serves. The eating time is about 2 hours at each of these parties. Her husband, (My bro) is a cardiologist! Wouldn’t you think it appropriate to serve healthy food. It is not that hard.I don’t want to offend her at all, but sitting there for hours while everyone eats, is becoming an embarrassing waste of time. The parties are always at dinner time. I usually find something to do when everyone is eating. My Dad eats the food, bad for him. Some might say, just eat it and shut up, but I tried that, and gained 3 pounds in one night, because of the salt. Forget about talking to her. It is always the easy way for her. It sounds like I am jealous or something, but I think when you invite people over for food and a gift giving party, that you should make it as condusive and pleasant to all people as possible. Am I wrong?? Any suggestions??

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Best Answer

I would definatley take a dish.. my mom has heart issues and thats what we do.. when we first started taking dishes, we just let them know the reasons why.. people were cool with it, and loved what we took as well!

so if talking to her makes no difference, then like it was suggested, talk to your brother..


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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • You mentioned “Forget about talking to her” I would but if it is impossible, try to talk to your brother and see if he can be mediator.  Sometimes she may have overlooked.  

      Another way is to be there and eat nothing.  When they ask, you then say you are trying to be healthy and no offense.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • I would definatley take a dish.. my mom has heart issues and thats what we do.. when we first started taking dishes, we just let them know the reasons why.. people were cool with it, and loved what we took as well!

      so if talking to her makes no difference, then like it was suggested, talk to your brother..




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Robinesque wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • I don’t see why she wouldn’t be appreciative that you brought something, like most normal people would be.  Just say that you thought you’d help out in a small way (non-threatening) and offer to help in some other area immediately to show her you mean well.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Inakika wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • I agree with the ladies, take a covered dish. If necessary, eat something before you go.
      I know before I have a dinner party, I contact my guests to see if there are any health concerns: Blood pressure, lactose intolerant, vegans. I want everyone to enjoy themselves and be able to eat without worry.
      I can’t help but wonder why your brother has not said anything before. His father and sister have heart problems and he’s a cardiologist? ohhhh He should understand your concerns.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • I’d ask if she minded if I brought some raw veggies and xxx (whatever else you want to take). That would open the door to talk about your concerns. If she is as calloused as you say (only the easy way without concern for anyone else) she probably will be happy for you to bring something because it will lighten her load. If she is sensitive at all, she’ll realize how easy it is to get something healthy while she is picking up all the unhealthy stuff.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Psalmist wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • i just know my sister, and although it seems like she’s taking the easy route, she may see this as the only option, she may have a secret fear about her own cooking, and she would be EXTREMELY offended if someone brought something without discussing it with her first.  this has the potential of turning into an explosive issue.  i would tread lightly because we all know it’s the silly, stupid, little things that can tear families apart.  your health and that of the other family members is paramount, and so is your relationship with your sil, but i would pre-warn her before just showing up with another dish, no matter how well-intentioned.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Inakika wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • Psalmist, you make a good point. It is the little things that get blown out of proportion.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jacquie6363 wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • 3rd.  Good point Psalmist, I had to forewarn any host that I was bringing a covered dish, when my son was younger.  The boy refuses to eat anyone’s cooking but mine, no matter how well I knew the host, he would not eat, so there I was forced to take a dish and I would explain to them that it was nothing personal, just how he was.

      Tell her in advance.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Privateeyes wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • I have helped out, in a small way before, by bringing something. She yelled and said they can afford to feed their own guests.
      At one cookout at their house, everyone was having burgers on the grill, except her. Boneless, skinless chicken breast was made first, because that’s all she can eat because she was pregnant.
      I always help with dishes, mostly because it gives me something to do. My bro defends her to the end. I raised him. Our Mother was “Too” busy. I can’t get a word in edgewise, positive or negative.
      Yes, this might be a little thing, to some, but it has become a monster in our family. Every one forgives, saing that it is O.K.,it’s her, but in reality, the guests are very uncomfortable.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jacquie6363 wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • Wow P-eyes you are caught between a rock and a hard stone, how sad for you and inconsiderate for her.  Maybe you can eat before you leave home and just take a couple of things to snack on, while others are eating.  I understand your predicament but it is not worth having a family squabble over, especially, since your brother is not willing to compromise either.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Privateeyes wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • You hit it on the head! It is not worth a family squabble.That’s why I asked. You confirmed it. I knew it already. Keep my mouth shut. Enjoy the.....whatever...kids...Leave early and be done with it. I was there. Can’t diss me for that!

      My Husband and grown children, actually have the strength to not go anymore, because of them being ignored at many past parties. It bothers me, but I DID not do it. I make the effort to show face, so no one says “Well, You weren’t there”




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Psalmist wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • wow, see, yeah, i thought i sensed a powder keg in the making.  it sounds more like she’s insecure and it really has nothing to do with the food issue, it’s just how it plays out for her.  does she respond well to “quiet, side chats?”  by that I mean, just take her aside, or call her and say something like, “I noticed you have a big group coming, can I help with anything? You know, anything you need.”  Don’t suggest anything outright, ‘cause it sounds like she may just jump all over you for it.  I’m with jacqui on eating beforehand if you’ve tried talking to her about it beforehand.  what does the rest of the family have to say about it?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Privateeyes wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • A Powder Keg I won’t light a match to! I have sensed that she is afraid of me from the beginning. Probably a ploy on her end. Nothing to fear. I love my bro. I would be the easy one to mess with. WHY, I don’t know, but she has my parents cowering over everything she does. Insecurity rules for her. I am not a game player. But, she thought up this game already. Didn’t do it with my other sister,as far as I Know.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jacquie6363 wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • You stated that you have raised your brother, her husband.  I think that is where her insecurities lies, he had probably told her what an outstanding person you are and how grateful he is for you, he admires you and she probably feels threatened.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Psalmist wrote Jan 18, 2009
    • uh, jacqui, there you go again, we're on the same wavelength.  i think that is most definitely a major contributor to her actions and reactions.  

      PE, just do what you do, but don't back down. that seems to be her aim, to see how far she can push you and how much of a wedge she can drive between you and the other family members.  you know when to draw the line, and when to let certain things go.  this seems like one of the things you can let go (unless it goes deeper for you than what you let on), but if she brings it up, then it's on and crackin'!  just call on your sisters, 'cause you KNOW we got your back! estatic




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