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My dad passed away 3 yrs ago. At the time his 4th wife said she would go thru his things to see if we wanted anything. I would like some pics of him. Should I ask?

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Ms-kay wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • Technically you don’t really need to ask. Talk with her and let her know the photos of your dad are what you’d like to keep.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • yes, just let her know you want some pictures.. she shouldn’t have a problem with it..




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • Sure you should that was your dad Vikki, i see no harm in wanting some of his old photos for your memories.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • Sure honey - there must be items /pictures of your childhood which have no value to her but are pricelsss to you ...




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • Vikki,  

      I would think that a really nice call to her to ask if there are any pictures she would share with you would be totally within your boundries. Any that she is not willing to give to you... perhaps you could ask to make copies.

      Let us know the outcome okay? Good luck!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • My deceased husband’s daughter asked for things that were given to both my husband and I. And even the way she asked was in a tone that was unbecoming, which totally turned me off. I had several things and pictures I wanted to give her, but now.... I just don’t care if she has them.       So I would be sweet and not act assuming okay?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Karyn Olson wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • Ms Lori sorry to hear that...that just isn’t fair...My natural father died when I was a baby and I have only gotten a picture of him this year....that is how much animosity there was between his family and my mother...I have it framed and put up on the wall for the world to see....especially my girls and grandson...




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Karyn Olson wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • Vikki...I agree with everyone here....it doesn’t hurt to ask...you will never know unless you do...happy




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Termite wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • Absolutely you should ask.  I wouldnt even think twice about it. If she doesnt want to give you the originals, then I would ask her if you could at least make copies of the pics she has.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • Oh yes ask her. I am sure she will give them to you.

      Lori, gr8 advice.

      My maternal gpa was not my bio gpa. It never mattered as my ‘adopted’ he was my gpa to me. I was born on his bday and he adopted my mom when she was 8 or so.

      My bio maternal gpa tried to contact my mom when i was about 7. She would not have anything to do with him as he basically disappeared after she was born. He tried for a few years to no avail. I have never even seen a picture of him.  

      He died 8 or so years ago and his relatives called and told my mom that she was left nothing. I guess he was ‘wealthy‘. She didn’t want anything from him anyways.

      I am just sad as we had no decision to meet him or not. He had 3 grand-daughters that he never got to see. I try to ask sometimes about him, but it upsets my mom, so I stopped asking.  

      Anon - no matter how you felt she asked do it for the the generations to come. I still feel a loss sometimes...




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • Lori, I am so sorry that happened. That is very wrong!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Wittymom wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • Vikki you should certainly ask.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • This has really made me think about a loss I’ve had and how I have recieved only minimal things. A Bible, some pictures maybe 10-15, and 2 school papers. I never got the opportunity to touch, smell, remember... the things were just gone through and distributed as the father felt HE should decide. Considering I highly dislike the man who made this decision, I never wanted to be around him, I should have put my foot down and told him that I wanted to go through the things and make the decision of what I wanted as the mother.

      to answer your query... be nice, but be strong!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Holdonloosely wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • 4th wife and you want to know if you should ask... that says you think it’s a little touchy? Ask if there is time that you can go through pictures and you would like to have copies made of some possibly. Then when you get them... run! lol, jk. But take it gently, I know my father’s family had issues with giving up pics and he took it very slow and very safe and he got what he wanted, even though he had to kiss a little butt.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • Vikki, from your posting, it sounded to me that they are already offering.  So like many have said here, do express your decision with respects which I know you would.  Ask your Dad to intercede for you.  I have good vibe on this.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • My dad’s wife lives in another state. Unfortunately my father and I was not close but he was still my dad. I would like some pics or copies of pics just to have to pass down to my kids and so on. I do feel it is touchy and am a little afraid. Imagine that a grown woman afraid to ask for something of her father’s. That must say something but we’ll save that for another day.

      Anon I am sorry if you were mistreated by a daughter of your husbands. I will be nice, it is never my intention to not be nice first.  

      You Ladies gave me great support and encouragement and I greatly appreciate that.

      Hopefully I will be posting a pic of my dad soon.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • i so understand bly. I have relatives somewhere I will never know.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Jan 24, 2009
    • I appreciate your honesty in that I should honor my husband’s daughter by giving her pictures. However,you will never understand the full picture of how I was treated.

      How are you going to feel when vulchers start coming down on your home and anaylize those things of importance to you?
      Do you want someone to tell you those things you want and have to explain why?

      This is as good as time as any to think about this type of situation and how you will want things handled.

      My deceased husband knew my heart and would know today why I feel the way I do.  That is what matters.

      And eventually she will get pictures. She already has many other things I gave to her that she asked for.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Paris Mano wrote Jan 24, 2009
    • Yes by all means ask. If there is anything else you want that would mean something to you, ask for that also. I am sorry I did not ask for some things when my mother died. I waited thinking by Dad would ask me if I wanted anything and well that never happened. Once the things are gone...that is it. So ask away.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Jan 24, 2009
    • Anon there was no intent to cause you any pain and again I am sorry if there were issues in the past. I have no ill for my dad’s wife...she did after all spend 20 yrs with him. My concern is that there was an offer from her.....

      And here it is 3 yrs later......

      I can’t begin to imagine the pain a woman goes thru when she loses the one she loves. I have however lost my Mom, 2 aunts, 1 uncle and my father all in the last 3 yrs. So I am feeling the loss of my family history.  

      And I would like to make sure my kids don’t feel the same loss.

      As far as my father goes...he left me when I was 12...same time he divorced my Mom.....yep there are issues there but they were with my father not his wife.

      I could go into the other side of the story because in all situations there are 3 sides, but I won’t.

      Lori and the others are right in telling me I should ask. The worst case scenerio will be a no.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Jan 25, 2009
    • Thankyou so much for understand my perspective girls. And Vikki, you definetely should ask. If I had a step-daughter like you, we would still talk on the phone and still share so many memories. I would also hope to have her for a life long friendheart




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