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Q & A

One of my step-sons left an IM up when he went to bed.  My husband read it and had me look part of it.  It seems he thinks he’s a vampire and he wrote that he had the urge to drink blood. What would you do?

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Best Answer

When he learns you’ve seen that message & you ask him about it, it’s likely he’ll say, “We were just kidding.”
About 4 years ago, my son knew some kids that were into that sort of image- they hung out in a group, all wore black, the girls wore creepy makeup, etc., & a few in the group actually acted as though they were vampire-ish. They’d sit in a 24 hr restaurant all night long & hang out & get reactions from people due to how they looked, spoke, acted, etc. The girls seemed to attempt to find the most hideous hairstyles possible & the whole group dyed their hair black. A few of them were clearly lacking attention & went out of their way to get it. Others, just seemed to be going through a ‘goth phase.’
I asked Chris about this & he said that there are kids who really are into that type of thing. And he suggests that you don’t mention the message you saw yet. He suggests that you approach the subject as subtly as possible & talk about AIDS etc to get it into his mind. Discuss drug use, etc. He mentioned doing so in a way that doesn’t appear as though ‘the parents are freaking out’ because the teen will ‘shut down.’ Maybe tell him something about yourself that you never have- a quirk or something that makes him feel comfortable enough to discuss what’s going on with him & his friends, with you.
We had a pretty detailed conversation about this & he doesn’t agree with the snooping through myspace etc. (Of course) My take is, you do what you have to do to get your answers.
Good luck to you. happy


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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Holdonloosely wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • Jomi, how old is he? My daughter who is going to be 19 soon, got into all those Twilight books. I read some of the same stuff she posted, texted, etc. I think it will pass. Don’t get to excited over it, but I know exactly how you feel. I wanted so bad to say... ARE YOU AN IDIOT?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jomi wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • holdonloosely...he is going to be 20 on Thursday.  He is also into those books and likes to play those kinds of video games.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jomi wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • teeky..I don’t want him to think that we were snooping.  He did leave it up on our computer though. This comes when we are in the middle of a child support issue and I don’t want him to take off.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Holdonloosely wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • It’s something that is cool to them right now. I watched a TV show, an investigation into these vampire clubs, etc and the evil. I can’t for the life of me remember the name. But I watched with her and I think it made her realize, it’s not that glamorous. Maybe someone will remember it. It was someone that went undercover in the group. I think it is harmful if he is going to these private vampire clubs.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • Jomi, its not snooping if it was left up on the computer, he may have left it intentionally for you to see but I’m with Teeky we as parents must do our job as parents and ask questions, he needs to have a talking to about this, even though you may look at it as nothing evidently there is something there for him to even have the thought sometimes we can become too laxed in what our kids do and before you know it, there is a problem you need to talk to him about it.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • Holdon I wouldn't want to chance that. These kids are out here experimenting with things they know little about and if they are talking of drinking blood, they are going to end up drinking something that could possibly kill them or give them a sickness they wish they didn't have, again parents need to not be so laxed in things like this.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Holdonloosely wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • Do you have one of the books around, maybe you can strike up a conversation, about it, without telling him what you saw. I never gave away my secrets of how I found out things, cause then they would hide them.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenni0811 wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • I also feel the snooping rule doesn’t apply if it was left open on the computer...intentionally or not. And I believe parental involvement is crucial. If it is innocent....there shouldn’t be any need for him to “take off“. If there is something to it and he feels you have “discovered” something that would cause him to flee to guard it....then you have your answer that it is a bigger problem that needs addressing.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • That's a good idea Holdon find one of the books and strike up a conversation about it or if you have friends who have kids say they mentioned it to you and see if he will share what he knows about it and go from there.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jomi wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • no books, but I could ask him about them to get him started in a conversation.

      neicy..I agree..I will have to talk to him.  Unfortunately, his Father won’t.  He doesn’t like to have “talks“.  I am always the one to have to do it.  I guess I should be greatful that someone does it!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Adriana Phillips wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • My husband is the same way, the talk would be up to me.  I remember when Buffy the Vampire Slayer was all the rage, I had friends who thought it would be so cool to date a vampire.  My daughter now is into the whole Twilight series and she’s 20 but no talk of being a vampire.

      Definitely bring up the conversation about the movie/book.  Get his opinion on the subject, keep it casual.  Boys (my experience)never want to talk when they feel threatened (mine is 25, oh and my husband is the same way). But showing an interst in the subject and getting them to share their opinions or thoughts is a good way.  You can always say - ‘By the way, you left your IM up on my computer and I saw the following ... So what does that mean?

      Hope it helps, no one ever tells you that the parenting never stops, thought someday I would get a break but not in the forseeable next 40 years or so.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • Jomi, regardless as to who does it,* DO IT!!!!* and if possible your hubby needs to be present to hear what is going on and maybe he'll give his input as well.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • When he learns you’ve seen that message & you ask him about it, it’s likely he’ll say, “We were just kidding.”
      About 4 years ago, my son knew some kids that were into that sort of image- they hung out in a group, all wore black, the girls wore creepy makeup, etc., & a few in the group actually acted as though they were vampire-ish. They’d sit in a 24 hr restaurant all night long & hang out & get reactions from people due to how they looked, spoke, acted, etc. The girls seemed to attempt to find the most hideous hairstyles possible & the whole group dyed their hair black. A few of them were clearly lacking attention & went out of their way to get it. Others, just seemed to be going through a ‘goth phase.’
      I asked Chris about this & he said that there are kids who really are into that type of thing. And he suggests that you don’t mention the message you saw yet. He suggests that you approach the subject as subtly as possible & talk about AIDS etc to get it into his mind. Discuss drug use, etc. He mentioned doing so in a way that doesn’t appear as though ‘the parents are freaking out’ because the teen will ‘shut down.’ Maybe tell him something about yourself that you never have- a quirk or something that makes him feel comfortable enough to discuss what’s going on with him & his friends, with you.
      We had a pretty detailed conversation about this & he doesn’t agree with the snooping through myspace etc. (Of course) My take is, you do what you have to do to get your answers.
      Good luck to you. happy




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • Before you talk to him do some research of your own, ask question that you already know the answers to and see if he is just trying to be something to fit in or is he really into this sociality of VAMPIRES.  It’s a sad space to be in and they get deeper and deeper into it.  Here is a great site to roam around and see what these teens are getting themselves into.  By knowing what you are talking about might help you speak to him on a different level.

      [Link Removed]


      3sa, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • He’s 20?
      Dad doesn’t like to have talks?

      Oh boy. I’m really not trying to be too forward here & I’m apologizing for it in advance, but that may very well have something to do with certain behaviors hun. Tell Dad he’s going to HAVE to have some talks. Crucial.

      Again, good luck, truly.

      J~




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • Jenz,  you said what I was thinking and didn't want to offend anyone, but that's true.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • What's the worst consequence if you talk  to him?  He ticks off and ran off.

      What's the other worst consequence if you don't talk  to him?  Satanic.

      I personal would.  From tactful to even direct.  Good luck and in thoughts and prayers.  Hopefully, it is nothing serious.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • I feel bad for you. It’s hard to make a call based on one message. Did you see the entire I.M. conversation? Was the person he was having the conversation with talking about the same thing? Or?
      Definitely get a grip on this immediately. Call me crazy but I’d be checking out the places he’s hangin out & anything else that needs to be checked out. This may be nothing, may be something. I’m very bothered by the instant message comment. I know it sounds bad to go through his stuff etc re the respect/privacy issue & all that but when someone’s talking about doing things a vampire does, all bets- off.
      Especially if you are going to be handling this, possibly solo and you have other kids in the house, etc.
      Check his room, music, myspace, where he’s hangin & with whom. Basically for a period of time, be “Step Mom turned P.I.” DON‘T let him know you‘re doing that. You have to find out what’s up. I realize it probably sounds a little crazy, but like I said earlier, you have to do what you have to do to find out exactly where a statement like that is coming from.  

      Feel free to pm me anytime.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • Watch for signs..   What kind of music, is he wearing certain kinds of clothes, anything like that. Red flags.
      Maybe certain literature he might have.
      Even little things. I hope you know we aren’t trying to alarm you. Just be receptive to what may or may not be happening with him for his own good and yours.
      hugs!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • Yes Jomi,  we're just trying to be concerned as well for your sons benefit.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Renee Robinson wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • I would add......do all the things the ladies said above and then seek guidance from God.  Pray and do........if it’s nothing serious, you will find that out.......if it is......then ask for patience and an answer to the problem.  I know this sounds so cliche’s but I believe in the power of faith,hope and work...............

      Renee,

      “Life gives to the giver and takes from the taker.”




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jomi wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • Thank you!  I really feel much support from all of you.  He stays up all night and sleeps during the day.  He just came home.  He went out with one of his friends and I def. will ask...let you know!!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jomi wrote Feb 16, 2009
    • He says that there are groups everywhere, but you need to find them on the internet.

      He said there is nothing at college or directly around here.

      I think he may have been saying it just to say it, but I am going to do some investigating and be sure to see if he leaves any more info up on the computer.

      Let you know if I find anything more!




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