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anonymous Anonymous

Q & A

are you still blaming your parents for the way they raised you?

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • Ok, I’m going to be brave and say, yes. As much as I love my mom, she’s 80, I still deep inside have this little twinge of resentment left for the way she raised me. I’ve had to, as a 47 year old woman, re-raise myself to be successful, pretty, smart, accomplished.....all the things she said I wasn’t. I was raised as if I had not a good idea in my head and I was destined to a life of laundry, cooking, cleaning, children and total, I mean total devotion to people other than myself.

      Whew!  

      So, that felt good!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • I truly believe that we reach a point wherein we can no longer blame our parents/upbringing for the conditions of our adult lives.

      Only I can take full responsibility for who I am (or am not) today.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • I’m right there with you feathermay.

      I have several friends who are in their late fifties that still blame their parents.
      As a parent I try to do everything right, but really do I? Of course not, who can get it right all the time?

      Am I screwing up my kids? I hope not, but I guarantee you that some of the stuff I say may have a negative impact for the rest of their life. Will they blame me for it?  

      My parents did their best with me as I’m trying to do with my kids. As an adult I take full responsibility, the only thing I can really blame my parents for is the genetic that I inherited....and they can turn around and blame my grandparents.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coachmombabe wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • I went through a huge forgiving process in my mid 30s. Now I have a great relationship with my mom (who was the main focus of my resentment) and a decent one with my dad. Forgiving my parents for not being the parents I felt they should or that I needed and accepting them for who they are is one of the best moves I have ever made. It actually helped open my eyes to many of the wonderful qualities they each have and has helped me be much more grateful.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Almostfive0 wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • I think that the type of childhood we had makes us who we are today. All of the experiences we had as children were there for us to learn from...the good and the bad.

      Our parents were our first guides in this life just as we are the first guides for our children. We are all teachers/students.  Right or wrong and we can only go by what we have been taught ourselves,...the good and the bad.

      It is up to us to take from those lessons. Those things that suit us or we need we keep and build upon. Those we don’t we work through and try to let them go...it’s a process.
      Do I think some of the things my parents did may have been detrimental to my emotional well being? Of course, they weren’t perfect. They did the best they knew how to do while dealing with their own emotional work. Do I hold their faults against them, Nope!
      I forgive them, thank them for their lessons and pray that they worked through their own before they left this earth.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sunkist wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • Wow, good for you, you have so much to be proud of yourself for.  You have much inner strength and courage to have come so far.

      Congratulations to you!

      Joanne




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Becca wrote Sep 27, 2008
    • I feel my Mom raised me the best she could. She did a great job of being there through thick and thin. Putting up with more than a typical woman from my dad. I feel she taught me to be dependent, yet strong enough to know when I need help. I wish she was here today - she would be proud of what I have become, a strong yet gentle woman.

      I feel that as we grow, we have to embrace the direction we want to go. Not as easy as it may sound, however, believe in it and don’t just wait for something to happen - take action.  I agree - my parents were not perfect - I’m glad they weren’t! I feel that taught me a lot all in itself.

      Perhaps I was just very fortunate to have a wonderful Mom!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Ladybug wrote Sep 28, 2008
    • I too worked through my upbringing issues and the forgiveness process in my 30s. The thing is, I didn't involve my parents in that process. I knew it was about me and God. I was in my mid 40s when they realized I had a complete perspective and opinion on my upbringing and that I made definite choices in the way I raised my own children. Why did this blow them away? They must have felt some level of shame and embarrassment. They realized I never failed to respect them. They were also forced to see that to be myself and to raise my children I have had to draw my own lines. They suddenly realized why I live in a different state.

              Earth to MOM.....can you hear me now?




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