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anonymous Anonymous

Q & A

What do you do when your mate just does not please you? We’ve been married for over 20 years and sometimes I have an “O” but most times I may as well just go to sleep! We have toys and stuff but still yawn!!!

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Sep 29, 2008
    • I appreciate your honesty and the courage it took to put that question out there.  I am in the same boat!  We’ve been married forever.  My orgasms happen more frequently during erotic dreams rather than actual lovemaking.  Yes, we’ve tried the toys, etc. too.  

      We communicate, we try different positions, etc.  And still the big “O” eludes me.

      Anyone have any suggestions?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Rosa Page wrote Sep 29, 2008
    • Everybody just needs to RELAX. if you are having the “O” while dreaming than it is in your head. Maybe you should Change the location you are making love. creat a fantasy. Tell him the fantasy than make it happen. Some time I will meet my husband at a nice hotel. I get all dressed up and I just meet him up in the room. At times I will bring a special outfit... be a nurse or a school girl or whatever you‘re dreaming about and just go with it. No toys are needed cause it is all in your head.Don’t worry about anything! be as loud as you want be as naugty as you want. No one will know and No one will care what you are doing. That will work for weeks after. That has been the best money we ever spent. If that doesn’t work than perhaps you should talk to a professional that can help with this block you are having. I am a firm believer that SEX is a head thing that the body follows. I spent my twenties looking for the big“O” and in my thirty I did a lot of reading and exploring my body and in my forties I have no more time to waste. I love sex now more than ever and in my twenties and my thirties I was married to the same man I am married to now in my forties. I am the only one responsibile for my “O“. So try this suggestion maybe it will work. If not a nice room in a beautiful hotel is alway nice.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Sep 29, 2008
    • what40, I really appreciate your honest input.  I guess I should have clarified, that the erotic dreams usually don’t include my husband.  We are fortunate that we get away to a hotel every once in a while and it helps, but doesn’t automatically guarantee an orgasm.  I am occasionally loud, noisy, adventurous, etc.  Just can’t seem to achieve an orgasm on a regular basis.  Any other suggestions?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Rosa Page wrote Sep 29, 2008
    • Well than that changes a few things. LOL Have you try going to a professional to talk about your dreams and what is going on with you? I don’t encourgage affairs cause that will just adds to the  problems. It is clearly something within you that is causing these blockage. Go to a marriage or sex counselor that might help.  sometime we go through a dry patch. No orgasm to be had. As sad as that might be. Don’t give up hope go and talk to a professional.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Sep 29, 2008
    • Thanks again.  No affair to worry about...we are pretty strong Christians and deeply committed to our marriage/family.  And I really don’t think I can get him to go to a counselor/therapist.  He has no idea of my “little problem“.  I don’t think I could tell him either.  I know, I know...communication is key...but I just don’t see it happening.  That said, I DO tell him what excites me, what helps me along, etc.  It’s just that sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t!  We communicate pretty much about everything else, except this one little thing.  I honestly believe that some of it stems from a very Catholic upbringing that taught that sex was an obligation of marriage, masturbation was naughty & dirty, and the list goes on and on.  Thanks for your encouragement!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Rosa Page wrote Sep 29, 2008
    • Oh I am right there with you. I had the same upbringing. Not only the church but My mother... That alone is why I went to counseling. You don’t need to take him with you. You can go alone. I did. I went in my early thirties to a therapist. I went cause I thought I was depress well I got alot more off my chest and it felt great. To tell someone who you can totally trust all the things in your head. It is liberating. Ends up I wasn’t depressed and I worked out a few of my catholic & mom issues. I speak up now and I feel better about myself. Do it for you not for anyone else. the orgasm or lack of it is just secondary to the real issues that you might not even know are there. Think of it as a day at the spa but its one hour every other week.
      I hope this help and Good luck




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Oct 2, 2008
    • We’ve also tried different locations, toys communicating and nada. I will never leave or cheat on my hubby but would LOVE to enjoy a healthier and happier sex life. One of my friends mentioned since I am pre-menopausal (44), that may have something to do with me not being satisfied, or not being in the mood to even try. Either way, i’m in it for the long haul and thank you for listening.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sunshine68 wrote Oct 8, 2008
    • We take a month break yearly on our anniverisary of our first time.Only kissing,heavy petting,etc..Different rules each year.....Helps alot wit h the hohum sex  for our 25 th anniverisary we had no penetration for 3 months,...Brings back the kissing.Married for 22 years and sex is still pretty good  mpst of the time..Hope this  helps




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Rene' Grandon wrote Oct 20, 2008
    • i have to agree with Pureromance.
      From personal experience i can tell you i never had the big O until I had a partial hysterectomy and removed the sicknes and pain i felt from having endrometriosis.
      i wondered what was wrong with me because i had that problem in my younger years. But i really hit a high point in the last two years. and OOOOOO OMG I am in over drive and it is fantastic!!
      so i am saying that it maybe physical or I also became empty nester and that has made a big difference too.
      Hope this will help.

      Ciao,
      Bella




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