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anonymous Anonymous

Q & A

Should you tell a friend that she is wrong in the way she has been treating you since she has gotten divorced? I have a friend who recently move back into town since her divorce. At first she need me and I was there for her. Now she is settling in her new life and has no time for me. I am so hurt by her actions. I don’t even know if I want to be friends with her anymore. I feel as if she is now divorcing our friendship.  What to do?

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stephanie wrote Sep 29, 2008
    • I would tell her how you feel. And if she doesn’t have time to meet with you, or doesn’t listen, then you don’t need her!!

      A friendship is a 2 way road, and you were there for her. Its time she is your friend too.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mksactown wrote Sep 29, 2008
    • One word..COMMUNICATE....Talk to her. I agree with Stephanie...tell her how you feel. I don’t know how close you two are, but if you‘re GOOD friends and really want to remain friends....talk to her.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Sep 29, 2008
    • I also agree. I don’t know your marital status but if she feels as if she has failed at her own marriage she may just want to distance herself from anything that is in her past. She may be in a lot of pain right now. I say open the lines of communication. At the very least, you will not be left with a lack of closure if the friendship does end or takes a sabbatical.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Timetravelers wrote Sep 29, 2008
    • I think it’s natural for friendships to go through dynamics of their own as our needs and wants change.  It’s possible your friend is needing some time on her own as the scope of her day to day life has changed so much - this doesn’t dismiss the support that you’ve given her in the past.  Try to let this flex in your friendship be a sign that you‘re able to accommodate her changing needs - and maybe she’ll be there some day when you need her the most, too.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Ritzimiranda wrote Sep 29, 2008
    • I would definitely talk to your friend, especially if she is (or was) a dear friend.  There can be a number of things going on in her “new” life.

      I have been divorced for two years now... and THANK GOD for my girlfriends... whether I needed a pep talk, a shoulder, a good laugh, a STRONG martini, or a male bashing,crying session.. they were there.  And I couldn’t have gotten thru it w/o them.  

      One thing I also didn’t want to do was burden my friends.  After the house was sold, the divorce was final, and I moved on to my new life, I found myself wanting/needing alone time.  It was nothing personal, I just needed to accept what was going on and I didnt want to burn out my friends.  One thing I did try to do was regular girls night in... I’d invite the girls over, order in and keep the wine coming... as a little thank you.  Of course, some girls took my distance/silence the wrong way, and I’m grateful they brought it up to me, b/c we cleared the air right away.

      Don’t give up on your friend, reach out to her and tell her how you feel... if she’s a true friend, the #1 thing she’ll want to do is reassure you that you are an important part of her life & restore your faith in your friendship.

      Good luck girl happy

      Maritza




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Carine Nadel wrote Sep 30, 2008
    • a childhood friend actually paid for a membership to classmates.com to find me after her divorce.  We started getting together at least once, if not twice, a month.  She’d join my husband and I for brunch, I’d meet her and go shopping, etc...
      Then she met hubby #2. Suddenly, I was of no use to her. I e-mail her once a month and she will e-mail back, but she never once has been the first to send a message. I had 2 grandkids and she sent a return e-mail saying congrats, not even asking if they were boys or girls.
      In short, I was great as long as she had no one.  Do you or I need this kind of “friend“?  I think not.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      VICKY CORYEA wrote Sep 30, 2008
    • I would definately continue to reach out to her, anyway you can. Pray that she realizes what has happened.




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