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If you are a mother of a teenager, what is your biggest worry?

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nikki W wrote Jun 19, 2008
    • I’m just entering the teenage years with my eldest daughter and my biggest worry is that I will get it wrong. I’m so aware of how fragile and sensitive she is and I desperately want to be a perfect parent. This is the hardest part of parenting I’ve had to cope with since bringing home a newborn!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dana Hall wrote Jun 19, 2008
    • Pier pressure. Although, my son has really amazed me. He told me about some kids he doesn’t approve of that sometimes hang out with his skateboard friends and try to get them to do the wrong things. Including, jump the fence at the elementary school to skateboard, the police were called and took them home, my son left when they were talking about jumping the fence. And, trying to get the “good kids” to try pot. My son wanted to leave, but his buddy was curious. He kept trying to get his buddy to leave, the friend caved to the pressure and my son came home.

      I am not patting myself on the back, we’ve got years to go, an almost 16 yr old and almost 12 yr old. But, I have to say talk, talk, talk with your kids. Maintain a close relationship, and they are more apt to confide in you and make good decisions. My son tells me A LOT, but not his dad, because he doesn’t talk with him on the level that I do. For example, he told me about his first kiss, we discussed how nerve racking it is, how he decided to move in, were his palm sweaty... We talk and LAUGH about everything. My relationship with my two boys is my life’s treasure.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa VM wrote Jun 19, 2008
    • My son is just 16,,, so first driving, ugh! Next it is the normal... drugs and booze, but I think he has his head on straight for this concern. I am worried he won’t know where his life is leading and he will never leave home! Seriously, I pray every day he will have a healthy, safe, and productive day. He is not the best student so I really worry about his future.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Jun 19, 2008
    • Three of my children are out of the woods since they are all adults, however, WE PARENTS, are NEVER out of the woods. Adults, what the heck does that mean? At 21, 20 and 19 they are mature, responsible beings, however, they will always be my little children even when they are my age. I have a 16 year old that still is in a hormonal age, so we are battling my hormones and hers, of course mine always win...they are older and stronger :)

      I agree with Dana, the best you can do is TALK, TALK and talk some more, but NEVER assume that they tell you everything and ALWAYS be in their face. I had an AHA moment few years ago, check out my blog on “teens drinking“;http://fabulously40.com/article/805/The-Perils-of-Teenage-Drinking/

      Lisa when he starts to drive you’ll stop to sleep, so I recommend compiling a list of books to read....(not a very peaceful time, my 16 year old will start in few months as well, I’m so not looking forward to it.)

      Nikki, give it up, you will never be a perfect parent, (sorry girlfriend) THERE IS NO SUCH A THING AS A PERFECT PARENT, we ALL make mistakes.
      Getting over my fourth teen I can only tell you NOT to be her friend first. Be a parent first, friend second. Please don't feel bad about saying no, It's OK to say No. She might hate you for a while, but believe me she will appreciate you. Read this blog by my daughter From a Teenager's Perspective   

      That’s my two cents for the day ladies.

      Hope to hear more from you.

      All the best,
      Yana




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kendall Rosekilly wrote Sep 9, 2008
    • I am the mother of two girls and the one is a teenager and my biggest worry is that she does not know what she wants in life and that she is like a lost soul. How does one guide her in the right direction when they think they know everything at this age?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Whitefeatherliz wrote Sep 15, 2008
    • Wow this question hit home tonight! I just joined this forum last night and haven’t even had a chance to look the place out.  

      I’m a mother of four, a son 23 and three daughters 7, 17 and 19. My 19 year old daughter has been a real handful to put it mildly. Her father, I found out after it was going on for 4 yr, had been providing alcohol to her and my son since she was 11yrs and he was 14. Long story that deserve to be long but I will spare everyone the details (my ex lost visitation rights 4 yrs ago).

      Anyway she got pregnant in her senior yr in HS, almost didn’t graduate. Her daughter is 9 months currently, and the most adorable little girl. Sad thing is my daughter never wanted to have her, and has no clue how to be a mother. My husband and I have provided everything for our granddaughter, and care for her 99% of the time, while our daughter does absolutely nothing... both were living here until tonight.

      My daughter met a guy that is almost 26, he doesn’t work and has no education, has been a coke head, she claims he’s not now, bla bla bla... she is in love and moved out tonight, and left her 9 month old daughter here, until she “gets her S*** together” as she put it.  

      She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in June, and has suffered with it undiagnosed since 2003.  

      The interaction she does have with her 9 month old is swearing and screaming at her... the sheriff was here tonight, and he advised her to leave without her daughter, and for us to request guardianship. Our daughter said she would sign what ever she had to...

      My reason for sharing this is, we have done everything we can to help our daughter. My husband is her step dad but has been the only male role model that has been descent and they are close.  

      Her father’s influence with alcohol, wouldn’t have been something any parent would suspect or worry about. Most worry about the peer pressure from their friends and school mates.  

      I thought I had done everything right while raising my children. My other two older children are no trouble what so ever....  

      All I can say to everyone is, do not assume your children are being 100% honest all of the time. And try to keep an open communication with your ex if you have one... be on the same page and work together for the good of the children.

      If you have a gut feeling, or that intuitive hunch, follow it! Be open and available to your teenagers, use counseling or other avenues at your disposal, and never give up on your child. Once they turn 18, (as the sheriff told us tonight) there isn’t anything you can do if your child decides they are an adult and can do what they want. They might be considered and adult by law, but that doesn’t mean they know what it means to be an adult.  

      Tonight, at this point, I am not really sure what to think. I just KNOW that my granddaughter needs to be protected and in a safe environment, so my husband and I will do what ever we have to, to make that happen.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nikki W wrote Sep 16, 2008
    • Whitefeatherliz your plight breaks my heart. It shows that you can try your hardest to help someone but in the end they have to make their own choices. Your daughter has an illness that can devastate families (as I know from personal experience) but it can also be controlled with medication and councelling, but she has to want that and seek it out.

      I believe you are doing the right thing in taking responsibility for your grand-daughters care and wellbeing.

      Thank you for sharing and you will find that the members here are a lovely bunch who offer a great sounding board and pertinent advice.

      Nix
      xxxx




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kendall Rosekilly wrote Sep 16, 2008
    • Whitefeather, it breaks my heart to hear what you are going through, you must be such a stong person and I take my hat off to you. My problem with my 15 year old just seems to be so small in comparison now. But your advise is so good, thankyou and good luck.

      Kendall
      xxx




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Heather Mirassou wrote Sep 17, 2008
    • Whitefeather, I just recently read your letter...I can relate in that I was a teenager who was also bipolar and not diagnosed until I was in my late 30’s.  Thank  God I had counseling since I was 13 this has helped.  The best thing you can do is help her.  If she doesn’t get help now she will likely rebel, possibly abuse alcohol and drugs and some suicidal tendencies.  

      I will pray for you and your family.

      Heather




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Whitefeatherliz wrote Sep 17, 2008
    • Thank you everyone for the warm thoughts and advice.  

      Just a quick update: I was able to get my daughter in to see her psychiatrist Tuesday morning, he put her on a second medication for bipolar disorder. So she is now on two meds... He was rather blunt with her, but it seemed to be exactly what she needed.

      This afternoon, my daughter signed the necessary documents and filed them, to allow my husband and I temporary guardianship of our granddaughter. The hearing will be in mid Oct. She seemed relieved to know her daughter will be cared for while she gets help, yet deeply hurt.  

      She came by this evening to pick up more of her belongings. She broke down and cried, wondering if she was suppose to be feeling so sick and missing her daughter so much... I realized she is very brave to be doing this for her daughter! I am also relieved to see she is at least feeling something! I was concerned she would just walk away without a care.  

      She has promised us she is going to finish college, and is working two part time nurse aid jobs, and saving to get into a nice apt.  Believing is seeing...  happy

      WhiteFeather




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nikki W wrote Sep 18, 2008
    • I’m so glad to hear that your daughter is accepting the help that you and her psychiatrist are offering, that seems like progress in itself.

      You should feel very proud of yourself for being so brave too!

      Nikki




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Heather Mirassou wrote Sep 18, 2008
    • I am sure you are very proud of her.  She will continue to delight you!




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