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Q & A

Would you ever consider having an Affair? How do you define a emotional affair and a physical affair?  What do you believe causes a woman to have  an affair, emotional or physical?

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Best Answer

What is there to struggle with...an emotional affair is everything except the sex act?  It is the idea that if push came to shove a sexual act COULD be possible.  A Physical Affair is just that...physical, including all the emotional stuff that leads up to it.  An emotional affair can include kissing, hugging..petting...even have heard of people masterbating in front of one another...you could even include oral sex in the emotional affair...depending on whether or not you fell for what Bill Clinton said about Monica Lewinsky...if oral sex is physical to you than it’s sex...if not, then just like Bill, you did not have sex with that wo“man“.  

The reason why most Experts on Infidelity define Affairs in this way is because many people try to get themselves off the hook of the affair by saying it was just emotional...a mental fantasy of sorts, it was just talk...no action...flirting.  Many emotional affairs occur over the internet, through e-mail, texting and calling.

No matter how you look at it an affair of the mind is still an affair.  This is the litmus test:

If you are keeping the relationship secret...
If you can’t talk in front of your spouse with this person, let him read your texts or e-mails...
If you are lieing about the relationship in any way shape or form...
If you are deceiving your husband, family and friends about where are you at, who you are with and what has happened or doing....

You are having an affair....having sex with the person is just the finally straw that breaks this camel’s back!!!


View All Answers

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa VM wrote Jun 27, 2008
    • No I would not consider having an affair, because I have been on the receiving end of that pain and I wouldn’t do it to another. Emotional affair - he is friends with her, it is an affair of the heart, not in the bed. Physical would be in the bed... I think if a woman is unhappy with her spouse or just bored in bed, maybe he works all the time.. but it is to buy her the best things... it’s hard to say without knowing the situation..




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote Jun 30, 2008
    • This is very good to hear that you feel so strongly about your marriage and relationship...BUT...never say never!  I counsel and coach women all the time who in their pre-midlife crisis life would have never considered an EA, let alone a PA...but BAM!...they have found themselves in a relationship with another person and it has gone too far.  Many of these women are in full blown crisis, searching for their identities, struggling with depression and low self-esteem.  It is very sad and a lot of pain occurs, marriages are destroyed, families are torn apart...children are hurt beyond repair.  The reasons behind a woman seeking out another is some what different than why a man has an affair.  Woman have affairs for the emotional aspects of the affair first then physical, while men have affairs for the physical side and then the emotional.  In either case, something is lacking, childhood/life issues unresolved, loss of relational connection.  I assure you it is never just because the partner is bored or lacks gratitude...it goes much deeper.

      Please don’t dismiss this as a possibility in your life...knowledge of what causes an affair in marriages is the best protection of ever having it occur in your marriage.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Jul 26, 2008
    • I had a five year extramarital affair with a man that still remains a good friend.  While it started out as a physical affair it grew into an extremely emotional one very quickly.  We both have spouses that are self-involved, shallow and cold and we both yearned for the affection and tenderness that is still lacking in our marriages.

      Being with this man always made me feel loved whether we were meeting for lunch or some ‘afternoon delight‘.  Now that we no longer work together it’s difficult for us to see one another but we still talk on the phone several times a week and meet for lunch now and then.  Though our physical relationship is over we still have a bond that I will treasure the rest of my life.  He gave me back my self confidence and made me realize that it’s okay sometimes to do things for yourself.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote Jul 29, 2008
    • Thank you for being so honest about your Affair.  I wish this could be true for all women who decide to find solace with another man....your relationship with this man is very rare...and you must have been very good at keeping the secret.  In many cases the spouse does know that their partner is having an Affair, they choose to bury their head in the sand about this fact.  Yet, the majority of husbands do not bury their heads in the sand and many women are not very good at keeping the secret....their husbands do find out about the Affair and they are very hurt or even kick the woman to the curb for their deceit/betrayal...families are torn apart.  

      Gail Sheehy, author of “Sex and the Seasoned Woman” speaks of the mid-life affair or other man as the “pilot light lover“.  Several women she interviewed spoke of just these sorts of affairs...one’s that reminded the woman that they were vibrant, attractive and worthy of a man’s attention all because they were not receiving this attention from their husbands.  Many of these women went on to divorce their spouses because when the affair was over they were still dissatisfied with the status quo of their marriages.  These women also discovered that they could not retain these feelings of vibrancy, self-confidence and worthiness by finding a replacement...they soon found themselves going from one affair to another.  

      In my humble opinion, no woman will find their true vibrance, attractiveness or worth through the attention of another person, whether it be their husband, their lover or even their children.  A woman finds her excellence, significance and grace from within herself...it comes from the inside out...not the outside in.  You must be able to know these things when you are totally alone...needing no one to supply the words, touch or feedback that outward in attention will give you.  All woman have this power to do this...we tend to lose it when we become consumed by our roles as wives, mothers, daughters....we lose the power of our womanhood.  

      I have one last question to pose to you...even though your physical affair is over...do you believe that you are continuing it in an emotional affair with this man?  Do you meet with him to get an emotional fix...to remind yourself that you are still worthy, confident and attractive?  If you are...you are still using this man as your emotional crutch...you don’t have to.  A woman, no matter how you define this, needs no man, woman or person to tell her that she is these things...she knows that she knows that she IS indeed a woman of excellence, significance and grace...she is vibrant, self-confident and worthy...SHE is powerful in her own stead!(C)

      ““:[Link Removed]


      Shepherdess5, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Aug 26, 2008
    • I have had both EAs and PAs in my relationships. Finding out that my childhood sweetheart had been cheating on me for some time was a rude awakening and probably changed my perspective about men and love forever. From that moment, I treated men as toys. Then the man I married cheated on me and so I returned the favor. It was years before I realized it was a pattern in my life. Mostly it was feeling unsatisfied with the level of attention I was receiving at home. Sometimes it was fear of commitment (an EA that caused me to postpone my second marriage.) But in the end, it has to do with how I am feeling about myself, and looking to another to feel wanted, appreciated, desired, etc. It can be a struggle- always wondering if there is more out there (I don’t think there is), reminding myself what a good (and forgiving) man my husband can be, yet wondering if I have “settled“. There are no easy answers. But through the pain that I have been through and the pain that I have caused, I do know that infidelity is never the answer.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Butterscotch wrote Sep 10, 2008
    • I think the question is a good one though I doubt anyone can answer it completely unless they have been on a serious journey of self discovery and self knowledge for some time.  Affairs come out of our own broken and woundedness.  They are a manifestation of the holes still left in our psyche by life changing events (the size and nature of the event is different for everyone).  

      Knowing yourself and the things that trigger your emotional or physical need is the key to resistance.  Temptation comes in all shapes and sizes and at the moment least suspected.  I hesistate to say unequivocally no I would not have one but that is because of the intense life pain I am experienceing right now.  I can say that because of that pain I am ever alert to my intensifying need to connect with someone emotionally and physically.  

      The awareness of that need is what I take to God in prayer.  Sometimes its just tears without words and sometimes prayer doesn’t alleviate the feelings I have.  I have such an incredible relationship with my kids that I cannot afford to allow our family to be destroyed by acting out in a way that is hypocritcal from how they have been raised.  It’s painful because I want to forget all about that but thank God I can’t.

      I know in my heart that when God joined us as one it was without any exceptions to the rule.  I can’t give myself to someoneelse and still honor my commitment to God.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Oct 29, 2008
    • I am currently having an affair with a long time friend. The passion and romance in our respective marriages have fizzled. It’s difficult to not get too emotionally attached. We both have strong feelings for one another but we don’t want to leave our spouses. We are two lonely people who have been turning to each other to help fill voids in our marriages.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Maria Louise Van Deuson wrote Nov 26, 2008
    • Nope. I was cheated on by my fiancee and found out I was pregnant. I had the baby and put my (beloved daughter) up for adoption. His betrayal broke my heart. My daughter has found me and we‘re working on a reunion. Clearly, I have VERY strong feelings about infidelity. That is one thing I will NOT forgive. My new husband knows this about me. He knows that if he ever strives, I will leave him.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Jan 22, 2009
    • NO I too have been on the receiving end of the affair, my husband had a longterm affair with a married woman.  It started as an email best friendship and quickly became a sexual affair.  I think that if i was tempted i would tell first- that i was unhappy and was tempted to have an affair. I believe that if those who are cheating would invest the energy they are using in the lying and deception back into their marriage—maybe things would be better.  All email relationships eventually turn into a romantic sexual relationship. they are always damaging to the family and the wife....Also how can a wife compete w/ a mistress.  The mistress would meet my husband for 5 hours at a time,  she dressed for sexual success and met all his needs in those five hours.  she gave him her undivided attention, paid for everything and was the perfect companion—for those 5 hours a week.  The sex ( once a week) was always fabulous.  Of course, she looked forward to it all week, as did he and of course the anticipation was what made it better.  forbidden fruit is always sweeter—no one to ask to take out the dog or put away the groceries.  So for those few hours he was the king and she was the geisha...but what would have happened if this fantasy became real life??? Her weight would have become an issue, she was fat, he loathes fat people, her neediness would have become an issue, she was needy... was becoming demanding and insecure, she wanted him to see less of the kids and family, wanted jewels and vacations....I think that those people who say” we were not on the same page” or “he just wasn’t meeting my needs” or “my wife just didn’t understand me” are weaklings who need to justify their bad and immoral behavior to make themselves feel better.  They are just liars and cheaters.  Karma is a bitch and in life what goes around comes around.  Our little mistress is now all alone, she put all her eggs in one basket...told her husband she was inlove w/ my husband...depended on my husband to follow thru and leave me...well he didn’t.  She is alone now...he says he made no promises, no longterm plans and was not in love w/ her.  Long and convuled, painful and damaging. Where and when will it all end.  IDK, but I do know that I myself would never hurt another person in the way that I was hurt.  I would end my marriage first.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Jan 22, 2009
    • Dear Anon,

      What would your husband think of your great friendship—ongoing—w/ David...
      How would u feel if your husband had an affair and remained friends w/ the person.?
      I just don’t understand women who cheat...I think that it shows selfishness and weakness.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Jan 22, 2009
    • Dear Oct 29 Anon,

      Turn your attention to your spouse,  put the same energy and attention back into your marraige.  Walk away from the affair or end your marriage.  Your spouse and his wife do not deserve the pain and the deception that you are going to give them.  If you are done with your partner then leave them....be brave and respect the marriage vows and commitment or walk away.  Don’t be weak.....




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Feb 25, 2009
    • No...you are not having an “affair“, unless one or both of you are married or have mutually agreed that you will be exclusive.

      What you have discribed, leatrice, is dating or friends with benefits.  If this is the sort of relationships you want then marriage is not for you...but the dissolution of marriage as you have suggested would be the ringing of the last bell...the death of the family as we know it...we would be placing ourselves in the same category as all other animals...procreating willy nilly with no obligation or resposibility to those people and children involved. We already have legions of people trying to live this way...ask the kids how they feel about all the men that are coming in out of Mommy’s life or even the women who are wondering how they will support their kids all from a different Daddy. If all you are looking for is great sex make d*mn sure that you won’t be bringing children in to the equation or as a last resort become a porno star!  

      You don’t need permission from a third party...don’t get or stay married if you feel marriage is illogical...apparently your view is that relationships are a throw away item in your life...love the one your with or at least till it doesn’t work or feel good anymore.

      Having an affair IF one or both of the parties is married is betrayal...this even occurs in relationships where people are not married...Betrayal of another person’s trust is still betrayal...married or not.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Feb 25, 2009
    • Since my initial posting in January, my husband has resumed his love affair with his mistress.  He came home for 46days and on that day he picked up her phone call and then called her back. They soon were meeting and right back to business.  He blamed the therapy and my questions on fueling the fire for his relationship w/ her. He blamed me in essence for his need for her, for his need to talk to her, for his need to sleep with her.  Of note we are proceeding with separation, They are traveling next week together to a conference  in Florida.  Her husband is furious and is threatening to kill my soon to be x. This drama just fuels the fire of their relationship.  For him the adventure and the freedom is liberating, for her the promise of climbing the “husband ladder” is calling-as my soon to be x is a professional man. But what of the damage to the family that he is leaving in his wake?  If the marriage was over for him as he tells me now, why didn’t he just move on without causing the heartache not only for me and the children but for her family as well? I know in my heart that she or he will cheat again, the relationship is born out of lies and deception.  Once the legitimacy of real life sets in and the laundry needs to be done, grocery shopping, bill paying and oh yeah child visitation occurs—let’s see how happy this little mistress will be. Right now she is wined and dined for her sexual favors, will she be willing to perform after washing his laundry or picking his dirty socks off the floor? And what about him?  She complained bitterly over the care that her current husband requires-well the man she is with now is a higher than high maintenance man. So we will see what will occur in this scenario.  My answer to this remains the same as my first post on Jan 22—if i was unhappy in my marriage and wanted to be with someone else I would leave the marriage first.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shari Tenner wrote Feb 25, 2009
    • Leatrice,

      Are you married? Have you ever been married?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Feb 25, 2009
    • To answer the question from Amy,  

      Would you ever consider having an Affair?  I think about it, esp. when I am emotional depleted.  

      How do you define a emotional affair and a physical affair?
      Emotional just fantasize, physical is the doing

      What do you believe causes a woman to have an affair, emotional or physical?   Severe non fulfilling spousal relationship




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Feb 25, 2009
    • I wouldn’t do it I’ve been on the receiving end of cheating twice in my life and it’s awful... you're winded and wounded and I couldn’t do it to another person.

      My husband had emotionally left me for the other woman before he physically left me and had a physical relationship with her – I sued him in the divorce for emotional abandonment ..




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Feb 25, 2009
    • I have had several affairs. Call it a character weakness. I am a big big rule follower in every aspect of my life, except in this area.  

      In the first situation, my ex and I were on the rocks for some time and I had told him we were headed to divorce if we did not fix XYZ. Because his parents divorced after an affair, we always swore we’d tell the other if we started to have feelings for someone else, and I did tell him. Bottom line on this marriage-we were too young when we wed and I started to feel the “what have I missed” cravings.

      My mom had a 13-year affair while I was growing up, and while I didn’t know all about it, I definitely felt there was “something.”




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Feb 25, 2009
    • I had an affair twice in my life, once when I was 24 years old. I only did it then to get back at my husband because he cheated on me with a stripper (ewww).  The person I cheated with was the love of my life (he wasn’t married)and although I was not with him he was the person I ran to naturally.  It was like riding a bike...so easy to pick right back up.  

      The second time I was 39 years old, I was not married but he was (and he didn’t tell me)the love of my life again.

      We did not have anymore affairs, however we have ended up with each other and I’m living my happily ever after.  I would never cheat on this man for any reason.  I know who I am, I know the authentic me now, and the reasons why I do things and reasons why I did things.  

      Besides he is my soulmate and I am his, it’s always been that way and now we just got a real second chance to spend life together after we stop letting life get in our way.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Feb 25, 2009
    • I think an emotional affair is worst, and probably couldn’t forgive my partner for it or I could forgive but not forget.  To me an emotional affair means that the person falls in love and their heart is no longer mine.

      I could forgive a physical affair maybe depending on the situation, maybe once.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Feb 25, 2009
    • no i would not! i have seen friends go through this, and its horrible.. just horrible! not only for the spouse, but for the children ( if there are any ) as well




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote Feb 25, 2009
    • WoW! I posted this question months ago and now a ton of responses.

      Whether it is an emotional or a physical affair, both are betrayals of the mind and then the body.  Women tend to find the emotional affair just as devastating, if not more so than a physical, while men find the physical affair more of a betrayal if it is perpetrated against them.  

      Physical affairs start out the majority of times as emotional affairs when it concerns a woman, while men are sooner to leap toward the physical first and then become emotiionally attached if they ever do, if they are the perpetrator.

      No matter how you look at it...married or not...cheating is wrong. It kills respect, trust, love that you have toward another person that you orginally believed loved you or you love!  

      AND as linni has said...if you have children, they are the one’s that receive the collateral damage of what has been broken because of the affair.  It teaches them that relationships are throw away items, like one of the previous “anon” has stated.  When you betray your spouse...you betray your children...it goes hand in hand...you pull the rug out from under them...they no longer have a safe place to fall...they question and fear their ability to have their own loving relationships in the future.  

      Affairs normally or should I say, rarely, end with happy endings!  It’s crazy that people even think that they will work...history proves this over and over again in many people’s lives.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Feb 25, 2009
    • I can say NEVER EVER!!! I had someone cheat on me and I could not, and would not EVER do this to my husband. It also would not be a fullfilling venture for me, but a sick feeling in my stomach even had I not been cheated on.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Robinesque wrote Feb 25, 2009
    • Well, babygators, say what you REALLY mean!  LOL

      I could never.  Religious and moral reasons here.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Feb 25, 2009
    • nope nope and nope!!!
      karma baby!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Feb 25, 2009
    • babygator: all I can say is don’t judge people, For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

      Your life is not and has not been perfect. If these people have repented for their sins you can not judge them.  You can hate the behaviour, but people make mistakes and if you live in a glass house be careful!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leatrice wrote Feb 26, 2009
    • Hello Slatrn,
      Answer to your question:

      I was married to a man, but I didn’t like it, so I got divorced. I have two teenagers.  I don’t bother them with my personal life.  

        Please,  what is marriage? Who invented such a convention? Basically, its just a bunch of paperwork for lawyers. Can’t a man and a woman interact without it?   I prefer to put my energy into real love.  I’m in love now, and I like it. He is married, and I really think his wife is nice.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Feb 26, 2009
    • Yeah...I bet she’s nice...does she know that you are having an affair with her husband?  If she does...more power to ya! Do you have a threesome going on? I bet that guy is a happy camper! worried




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote Feb 26, 2009
    • Yeah, I would love to hear the answer to the above question too...Does his wife know?  If she doesn’t know...I bet she wouldn’t be so nice.  Happy camper is an understatement...what ever blows your dress up, I guess.

      Not for me though...I’ll stick to the paperwork, the ring and the commitment.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Feb 26, 2009
    • All I can say is I’m glad leatrice is taken!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Betty Drake wrote Feb 26, 2009
    • I don’t believe anyone can answer that question.  Certainly no women “considers” having one if she is completely fulfilled in her relationship.  Emotional affairs are just nothing but bull crap!  Women as well as men should be “allowed” to communicate with each other.  I have a male best friend that I talk or text to on a daily basis.  I would not even consider that as an emotional affair!  The only time it would be an AFFAIR is if the two of us had sexual intercourse.  I have enough respect for my husband and myself not to do that!  My husband is very aware of my best friend as I am of his female friends.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote Feb 26, 2009
    • What is there to struggle with...an emotional affair is everything except the sex act?  It is the idea that if push came to shove a sexual act COULD be possible.  A Physical Affair is just that...physical, including all the emotional stuff that leads up to it.  An emotional affair can include kissing, hugging..petting...even have heard of people masterbating in front of one another...you could even include oral sex in the emotional affair...depending on whether or not you fell for what Bill Clinton said about Monica Lewinsky...if oral sex is physical to you than it’s sex...if not, then just like Bill, you did not have sex with that wo“man“.  

      The reason why most Experts on Infidelity define Affairs in this way is because many people try to get themselves off the hook of the affair by saying it was just emotional...a mental fantasy of sorts, it was just talk...no action...flirting.  Many emotional affairs occur over the internet, through e-mail, texting and calling.

      No matter how you look at it an affair of the mind is still an affair.  This is the litmus test:

      If you are keeping the relationship secret...
      If you can’t talk in front of your spouse with this person, let him read your texts or e-mails...
      If you are lieing about the relationship in any way shape or form...
      If you are deceiving your husband, family and friends about where are you at, who you are with and what has happened or doing....

      You are having an affair....having sex with the person is just the finally straw that breaks this camel’s back!!!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Feb 26, 2009
    • How would you categorize an online sexual relationship? There is no physical act, but they are talking sexually to one another, maybe self-gratifying while chatting or texting.  

      Just curious.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote Feb 26, 2009
    • “K then, I need to take this one step further – not to be difficult but to dig deeper for greater understanding... If one (who is heterosexual) has a friendship with someone of the same sex, it is secretive, one is hiding it from his/her spouse and lying about it, etc.... is it an emotional affair?  

      To me, it is deceptive and wrong – but it isn't an affair.”

      Annie...the key here is...The relationship is  amourous  and/or sexual, even if it is just in your head.  What you describe above is just deception about a friendship.  The components you keep on missing is the amourous or sexual side of having an affair that is just emotional.  It’s lusting in your heart...maybe there is no touching, kissing, caressing....people give themselves permission to have these sorts of affairs because there is little or no physical part about them or that the physical part is not the sexual act itself.  It can between a man and woman, a woman and a woman, a man and a man...all have amourous or sexual feelings toward one another...it is not a friendship that is close or has boundaries that will not or can not be crossed because they are married or are in an exclusive relationship.  Many of these emotional types of affairs can happen over the internet and then move to actually meeting and progressing to a physical affair.  Most affairs start in an emotional affair.  Whether they are emotional or physical...in the end it is all about lust...not love.

      If you continue to disagree with me...then I invite you to come to my forum [Link Removed] and tell all the men who's wives that have left them because they lusted after another man  first and then moved into a physical affair that their wives didn't have an emotional internet or work affairs first...it all has to start somewhere...affairs just don't happen they progress through stages...the emotional part is the first betrayal! Or ask all the ladies here who's husband's lusted after their mistress first...then took action.

      So, I guess you would be okay with your husband flirting, speaking to another woman with sexual connotation that is reserved for you, thinking about another woman all the time and dreaming about having sex with her...even talking to that very woman about it, encouraging her gestures of the same type?  From your explanation, he wouldn’t be having an affair until he physically comsumated it!  Am I correct?


      Shepherdess5, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Feb 26, 2009
    • I think an emotional affair is far more damaging than a sexual one.  Sex is sex.  Once emotions are involved...there’s so much more...IMHO

      xoxo




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Feb 26, 2009
    • Holy CRAP! Loaded subject.
      And Shepardess- I CRACKED UP LAUGHING when you said, “Whatever blows your dress up.” HAHAHA THAT was funny! I think I may have to use that one if the opportunity presents itself.

      Re: Cheating etc., I’m just going to blab on here & type my thoughts as they come.
      I’ve been cheated on. It was awful in every way imaginable. I was in love with the person who did that to me, who was treated like GOLD by the way, & I’ll tell you what- I went through HELL after I found the emails, texts, details, more disgusting details & it took me over a year to recover. All of the unnecessary bullshit the cheat-ee is put through is very unfair and very unnecessary. It’s uncool any way you look at it. There’s no excuse good enough to justify that kind of betrayal. Period. If you aren’t happy, then BREAK UP. Don’t be a gutless wonder & sneak around. What good comes from it? I have yet to meet the person who’s truly okay with being betrayed like that, emotionally or physically. It’s just plain uncool. I’m one of the most open minded people on the planet and I believe there are just some things that you just DON‘T DO.
      I’m not judgemental either, believe me.

      To a cheater:
      I guess if you‘re someone who’s going to make the decision to betray/deceive, ask yourself the following-
      a- How fair IS it of you to put another person at physical health risks?
      b- Why do you think “I’m unfulfilled at home” is a tangible excuse to go lay down with someone else then go home & crawl into bed with the person you said “I DO” to?
      c- Where’s your integrity at?
      d- How much self respect do you have?
      e- Do you REALLY think it’s cool to hurt someone emotionally that deeply instead of just being honest & saying, “Hey- I’m really very sorry but this isn’t working for me & I’m very unhappy. I need to leave.” WTH? That honest sentence would take less than 1/8 of the effort it takes to call, email or sneak around meeting someone else. In fact, it would take less than 30 seconds.

      Personal words from me to a woman (in general) who has the low down attitude that it’s ok to enter another woman’s home to ‘do’ someone else’s husband or boyfriend while the woman of the house is at work:
      1. It speaks VOLUMES about your character & class level.
      2. Do you do her husband AND eat the food in her refridgerator? Or do you just keep your eye on her clock & slither back out of her door again before the woman gets home?
      3. WTF makes YOU think it’s good, acceptable or right?
      4. Where’s YOUR self respect and integrity?

      Anyway, From me personally, I know for a fact if I ever came face to face with the homely chick that was in MY home while I was at work, I’d simply look down my nose at her & probably laugh, or, not react at all. Or maybe sarcastically and quietly smile and say, “My, what effort you put into being kept in the closet for a year and a half. Congrats on aquiring a narcissistic cheater. Whatever blows your dress up!”   I love that. haha

      It’s more than evident the girl had no self esteem whatsoever.
      I’d take the high road of course. I’d rather chew glass than stoop to the level of someone like that, seriously.
      Ok, I’m done rambling for now. Sorry so long. I’ve more than earned the right to say it like it is on this topic!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Feb 27, 2009
    • What would you do in a situation like this? A man you know is married, yet on paper only and cannot get out of it. They don’t sleep together and most of the time, don’t even live in the same house. You’ve been close friends for a very long time. He wants to take it to a different level. What would you do if you were single and presented with this option? Just curious.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shari Tenner wrote Feb 27, 2009
    • Ok here goes, I am answering Anon’s question.  Married on paper only is still married.  Doesn’t have sex w/ his wife?  Every cheating man says that he doesn’t have sex w his wife, including my cheating husband...and he did have sex w/ his wife...lying to his mistress...having sex w/ his mistress...lying to his wife. If someone wants to end their marriage they will end their marriage.  If he is in love w/ you and truly wants to be w/ you, he would do whatever it takes to be w/ you.  I have watched my cheating husband deceive his mistress for 3 years ( i just found out-she filled me in) and I actually felt sorry for her at one point for the wasted time and money she invested in him. (now i just hate her, and am waiting for him to dump her via email also) He would flip flop between us, whoever was easier to be w/ was where he wanted to be.  Our marriage is over, he will be w/ her for a while until she pushes him or is not as accomodating.  So what i am telling you is this ( i was married for 29 years and w/ him for 34:: 1. cheaters always cheat, 2. Liers always lie 3. you don’t know the whole story-their are three truths-his truth, her truth and THE REAL TRUTH 4. He will come to you with baggage and damage. 5. Find the statistics (and be amazed) at the failure rate of relationships that fail-when the man leaves his wife and hooks up w/ the mistress—rarely is it happily ever after. find a nice single guy who will adore you...leave this married cheater where he belong in the dirt.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Feb 27, 2009
    • This is an important topic.  In a one-on-one relationship, usually the man will ask me to be exclusive to him. (Men are so controlling.)  I like the concept; and I don’t mind to be  exclusive. BUT, my experience over the past 30 years of dating is that the man, whether single, divorced or married, always ends up having other women.  So, after looking at that fact of life, why should we women expect a man to be exclusive? I completely expect my man to cheat on me.  I don’t like it but I can’t stop it. In the world of men, they encourage multiple partners, they discourage honesty, they applaud their fellow cheaters and they laugh off any whining broken-hearted woman.  The men don’t plan on changing.  Sometimes a woman can jump up and down like an idiot to get her man’s re-attention. And  maybe she can put financial pressure on her man, but in the end, the man will do what he wants.  I asked some guys why they cheat in general.  One said, “Men are weak.”  Another said, “No one can stop me“. And a 35-year-married guy likes to say, “My wife, she’s married, but I’m not!”




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote Feb 27, 2009
    • I say DITTO to what slatrn and jenz has said in their responses.

      This is my motto and what I tell my members at my forum...absolutely NO outside relationships for both parties until the ink is dry on the divorce papers.  

      You are married right up until that time, whether you are in the same bed, same house, same city...same universe!!!  

      Any woman who falls for the “My Wife and I don’t have sex anymore statement” better pray that that man is a widower...because that is the only way that man is not having any sex with his wife.

      Ladies who have been tempted:  Remember men who cheat think with their “little head first“...then they use what God gave them on top of their shoulders.

      Men who don’t cheat have boundaries and live by the golden rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  If you are married to a man like this...treat him well, as he will do the same for you!  

      If he has forgotten this...it is time that he is reminded before he starts thinking with his “little head“.  No matter how many years you have been married...this subject should be discussed every once and a while...these boundaries need to be restated and not taken for granted.  If having an emotional and/or a physical affair is a dealbreaker in your book your partner needs to know this AND what you will do if they EVER give themselves permission to do it!  It is the woman or man who says “My husband/wife would never do this to me,” and never talks about it with them that is the one that is caught off guard, because they have failed to communicate over time that this is something that will not be tolerated!




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