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anonymous Anonymous

Q & A

What would you do if your husband’s ex wife keeps dragging his children into every situation regarding money?


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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stephanie wrote Oct 8, 2008
    • This is definitely a difficult situation, and I think that many women don’t even know how to give you an answer!

      But don’t worry, there is a way you can get over this situation.

      I am sure it is difficult, and annoying at the least, to constantly have another woman interfering with your life. This is no longer a financial issue, rather the ex wife (i believe based on what i know) is trying to be involved with your relationship through finance, by using her children.

      I would have a serious conversation with your husband, and explain to him that you are his wife and your relationship with him is very important to you. Explain to him calmly his ex’s constant interference in your lives is really bothering you, and not because she is asking for money, but because she constantly has her head where it is not her place.

      If he is being a good father (seeing his kids, etc), and paying for child support/taking care of his kids, she has no right to be involved with your finances.

      I would ask him to talk with her and tell her that enough is enough. Assuming that he supports his child financially and emotionally, he should explain to her that he is there for his kid(s) in both of the respects and more, and that is the extent to which she can be involved.

      Tell her that it is one thing for her to worry about getting enough money to support her children and have a roof over their heads, but it is another to stick her head in things that are not her business.

      I know this is not easy but it has to be done for you to be at peace in your everyday life!

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Oct 8, 2008
    • I learned the hard way that there was nothing I could do except offer solace to my step-chidren for the rough position they were in. They were aware of their mother’s tactics (and it wasn’t even always about money) so I never even mentioned it to them. I didn’t need to rub their noses in it.

      And, ultimately, I had to accept that no matter how I felt about it, only my husband could address the situation. I didn’t always agree with how he handled it, but I love him and refused to allow his ex to come between us.

      It’s a hard road. The light at the end of the tunnel is that eventually, all the kids grow up and then the ex has no further claim.

      Good luck!

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Oct 8, 2008
    • I’ve been wanting to respond to this question all afternoon. Gosh, I was in a relationship with a man for ten years who was bombarded with constant financial issues from his ex wife. She manipulated, used the kids, filed bankruptcy, convinced her youngest to move in with her so they could, together, get money from “him” oh, it was so sad for him.

      If you are going through this right now, I’m so sorry. I know how much turmoil this can cause.

      Honestly, there really is light at the end of the tunnel. The children will eventually grow up and she will not be eligible for child support of any kind. She will run out of options. I know that in my case, the exwife just worked so hard and spent so much energy thinking of things she could do to hurt him and men are easily hurt when it comes to their wallet! I pray that this will pass soon, very soon for you and you can get on with a much more peaceful life with your husband.

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Andrea Kuhman wrote Oct 20, 2008
    • Being in a similar situation, you just have to keep yourself out of the issues.  Let your husband know your concerns and ask that he address it.  But never with the kids.  It’s not their fault.  No matter what the role of step parent is always a very difficult one.  Every other week we try to just let the children know that our home is one built on love, trust and respect, and that extends to all of our family.  

      I never mention to the children anything about their mom in a negative way.  In one other blog I called her evil.  She isn’t.  She is just who she is. I will never change that.  The only thing we can do is just be there for the children.  

      Someone said that Karma is a bitch.  So, that works both ways.  If we don’t want the negative coming back to us, we need to stop sending the negative out there.  Soooo very hard to do but worth the effort.

      I feel for you, keep your chin up and just keep loving the kids and talk with your husband, but privately :)

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