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I remarried a man 20 yrs. my senior after being a widow for 6 years. I watch my daughters kids and his daughter’s. He refuses to let them pay me a very small fee. I can’t get a regular job and have 0 income. I have to ask for every cent. I don’t know what to do.

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Janeofmyjungle wrote Apr 1, 2009
    • How long have you been married?  What is the reason you can not work, is it due to watching the kids? When you say he refuses to “let them” pay you, does he control everything,including money and what you do?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Holly Beck wrote Apr 1, 2009
    • Something is wrong with this relationship - marriage should be a partnership, not one partner controlling the other!

      It sounds like either he has serious control issues or you have serious dependency issues (or both) - I would recommend that you talk to a professional about this if you can arrange to. Is there a priest or church leader that you can talk to about this? Do you have insurance that would pay for a counselor?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Ms-kay wrote Apr 1, 2009
    • IMO - Sounds like your husband is set in his ways on how women make money. No woman should have to ask for anything from their spouse/partner!

      This issue is really between you and his daughters. If they are willing to pay you a fee for your services - what’s the harm in you having a little pocket money for yourself?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stephanie Lawrence wrote Apr 1, 2009
    • I don’t have a job either, but I don’t have to ask my husband if I can spend some money. We have joint accounts and I am basically the one who pays all the bills and handles the money.We don’t beleive in his money is his money and my money is money, everything is together. I wouldn’t want to have ask him everytime I needed to spend some money. It sounds like there are some control issues going on.Maybe, he feels that since he is older, he can tell you what to do. You really need to talk to him and let him know how you feel about the situation.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Apr 1, 2009
    • Freeangel, that is very controlling.
      Is there something preventing you from getting something going for yourself, i.e., part time job, etc.?
      What is it?
      Your purpose in this life is not to serve him only. To have to ask for one cent, IMHO, seems a bit degrading.
      Your thoughts on this?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Freeangel2005 wrote Apr 2, 2009
    • We have been married since 09/02/06 and when we first met I  had just left my last job and was getting ready to get another and he said no,just help me with my business. So due to his critical nature I stopped doing his paperwork and then he said he didn’t want me working outside of the home. Then I started babysitting and then my daughter had a baby and the babysitter was caught yelling/cussing at Elijah(baby) and I started watching him and now it’s an everyday thing, if I don’t have my daughter’s I have my step-daughter’s after school for 3 to 31/2 hours M-F Like I told my husband, it would be different if I were watching them for a night during the week, say they were on a bowling team or for them to go to dinner and a movie one night on the weekend. But this is a job for me and to ask for mere cents per hour is not wrong. Family or not. It’s our children doing what’s right. My husband enables everyone and allows them, family and friends to take, take and take some more. Never giving. He still pays my step daughters car insurance and she’s 34 years old and married (like him, 4th marriage).He has another daughter my age and a son same age as me that are moving down here also. His first wife after leaving him had more children and one of her daughter’s just relocated here in Dec and is living with us and her boyfriend of 12 years also. Her son who is 17 is staying at a close friends house. Then there’s another friend that was staying in our motor home until J&J (the one’s just moved hee Dec) needed it to stay in until they got own place. My daughter got her a job and her boyfriend has been working here and there. But with my husband’s son due here in say 2 months and my oldest step daughter and her boyfriend and her 14 year old daughter wanting to come here the end of this month, I’m going to be insane. NO ONE cleans up behind themselves. I cook, clean and babysit. My husband is a retired Vet and we live on a fixed income. With me not being able or allowed to help bring funds to our household and him supporting 5 families and 2 more in another state right now, it’s killing him phycsicaslly and me mentally and emotionally as well. I have chronic nerve damage in my spine and legs. So cleaning, mopping, sweeping and vacuuming is becoming very painful. But no matter how often I ask people to just clean up after themselves, they don’t. We have never lived by ourselves as a couple. We might have been alone 2 months. Not all at once but a day here 3 days there. I have to get dressed to leave my own bedroom to get something from my kitchen. NO ONE pays any money or helps with alight bill. The one friend has been here 23 ,months and paid rent one month-$200.00 My husband has no time for me, defintley not in an intimate way. I’m feeling like a slave. I love my husband but I can’t live like this much longer. Never touched or kissed or even told I love you. Everyone always says ” I don’t know how you do it” He talks to me very disrespectfully. I am nowhere on his list of priorties. His friends come before me. All he wants is a cook and me there when that urge hits him (which isn’t often)and I have never said no even though I do not get release from doing just that. I have never known rejection in that area or have had to asked to be touched and then to be told no or cussed out or screamed at. It has been 1 month shy of 2 years since I have had release in that way.I refuse to have to do that myself when I am married. You say, talk to him, let him know how you feel? I HAVE, I HAVE and he doesn’t listen nor care.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Freeangel2005 wrote Apr 2, 2009
    • We have been married since 09/02/06 and when we first met I  had just left my last job and was getting ready to get another and he said no,just help me with my business. So due to his critical nature I stopped doing his paperwork and then he said he didn’t want me working outside of the home. Then I started babysitting and then my daughter had a baby and the babysitter was caught yelling/cussing at Elijah(baby) and I started watching him and now it’s an everyday thing, if I don’t have my daughter’s I have my step-daughter’s after school for 3 to 31/2 hours M-F Like I told my husband, it would be different if I were watching them for a night during the week, say they were on a bowling team or for them to go to dinner and a movie one night on the weekend. But this is a job for me and to ask for mere cents per hour is not wrong. Family or not. It’s our children doing what’s right. My husband enables everyone and allows them, family and friends to take, take and take some more. Never giving. He still pays my step daughters car insurance and she’s 34 years old and married (like him, 4th marriage).He has another daughter my age and a son same age as me that are moving down here also. His first wife after leaving him had more children and one of her daughter’s just relocated here in Dec and is living with us and her boyfriend of 12 years also. Her son who is 17 is staying at a close friends house. Then there’s another friend that was staying in our motor home until J&J (the one’s just moved hee Dec) needed it to stay in until they got own place. My daughter got her a job and her boyfriend has been working here and there. But with my husband’s son due here in say 2 months and my oldest step daughter and her boyfriend and her 14 year old daughter wanting to come here the end of this month, I’m going to be insane. NO ONE cleans up behind themselves. I cook, clean and babysit. My husband is a retired Vet and we live on a fixed income. With me not being able or allowed to help bring funds to our household and him supporting 5 families and 2 more in another state right now, it’s killing him phycsicaslly and me mentally and emotionally as well. I have chronic nerve damage in my spine and legs. So cleaning, mopping, sweeping and vacuuming is becoming very painful. But no matter how often I ask people to just clean up after themselves, they don’t. We have never lived by ourselves as a couple. We might have been alone 2 months. Not all at once but a day here 3 days there. I have to get dressed to leave my own bedroom to get something from my kitchen. NO ONE pays any money or helps with alight bill. The one friend has been here 23 ,months and paid rent one month-$200.00 My husband has no time for me, defintley not in an intimate way. I’m feeling like a slave. I love my husband but I can’t live like this much longer. Never touched or kissed or even told I love you. Everyone always says ” I don’t know how you do it” He talks to me very disrespectfully. I am nowhere on his list of priorties. His friends come before me. All he wants is a cook and me there when that urge hits him (which isn’t often)and I have never said no even though I do not get release from doing just that. I have never known rejection in that area or have had to asked to be touched and then to be told no or cussed out or screamed at. It has been 1 month shy of 2 years since I have had release in that way.I refuse to have to do that myself when I am married. You say, talk to him, let him know how you feel? I HAVE, I HAVE and he doesn’t listen nor care.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Freeangel2005 wrote Apr 2, 2009
    • Hi lovelyhousewife,
      Thanks for commenting on ONE of my issues. I agree that it should not be his is his and etc. But I have never been on his bank account and that is why his 3rd wife left him after only 6 months because he refused to add her name to  the deed to the house. Yes, he has MAJOR control issues and trust me honey I have talked to him about this and we’ve argued. But he is never wrong and NO ONE can tell him that he is wrong. That’s why after I’d thought about us going to see a marriage counselor, I said it was pointless. He’d never admit to anyone, much less a stranger that anything wrong in our marriage is his fault. It’s all mine, just as it was his last 3 wives fault that their marriage ended. Oh, but they all cheated also.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Freeangel2005 wrote Apr 2, 2009
    • Hi jenz41,
      If you read my comments I just wrote(which are long and detailed) I think you’ll have a better understanding, if there is any understanding of the nightmare in which I live. I would love to leave but without money I wouldn’t get far.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Janeofmyjungle wrote Apr 3, 2009
    • I am so sorry you are going through all of this.  I honestly don’t know what to say or advise to give.  It is hard when you are not in someone’s shoes, but it does not sound like you have any happiness at all in your life.  You deserve to be happy. It is amazing to hear he is so concerned about taking care of everyone else, but not you.  So how would he react if you just went out and got a job?  I would just say if you really honestly want to leave, do what you need to to get out.  Is there anyone you can stay with while you get on your feet?




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