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Q & A

Would you allow your husband to yell and swear at you?

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Apr 26, 2009
    • I ask this because yesterday when I was on the phone with my bestest friend, he husband came in the house and yelled at her and cussed at her because she’d changed the wallpaper on the computer. And of course I could hear it all over the phone.  We‘re talking serious verbal abuse here and she didn’t seem to think it was a problem.

      If my husband did that, I’d take the cast iron skillet and crack his skull like an egg!

      Tulip




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Apr 26, 2009
    • Sure! I don’t guarantee he would be standing much longer afterwards....




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marie66 wrote Apr 26, 2009
    • I don’t think it’s right at all! In my first marriage it got to the point that my ex started to verbally abuse me, saying ugly and degrading things and YES he was physical too and it got to the point where my son Alex started picking up on certain words and no second thoughts I got out..
      Verbal abuse is as bad as physical abuse..So I wasn’t about to let my sons think it was ok to treat girls that way. I don‘’t regret it at all..And just for something THAT DUMB get real..
      I’m with  both of you, get the iron skillet and bring him down to his knees (if you get my meaning)??

      Marie..




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Apr 26, 2009
    • Ten years of verbal abuse - if it happened again in this marriage I’d be out of there. Over a computer background? My goodness, what would he do if he was really mad about something important? There’s probably more going on in that house than you realize.

      I didn’t even really know what was happening to me. Verbal abuse is insidious. Abusers are very manipulative. A friend of mine just looked at me one day and said “You know what he’s doing is abusive?” That’s what got me thinking I needed to exit that relationship.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Apr 26, 2009
    • Cynthia, thank you, that’s what I was thinking.  How do I wake her up to this.  

      I am such a non-confrontational person.  I’d love to slap this little bast*** and tell him he will NOT talk to my best friend that way, but I know when it comes right down to it, I wouldn’t have the guts to do it.  I’m pretty sure he’s never been physically abusive, but the emotional hell he’s put her thru is inexcusable.  

      So, how do I get her to see what he is doing to her?

      Tulip




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Foxfire5822 wrote Apr 26, 2009
    • A quick shout or rant..I can get over I probably deserve it from time to time. But verbal or physical abuse...nope, seen it in my family growing up and with a couple sisters. I couldn’t do it or take it.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tammyjoa wrote Apr 26, 2009
    • No i dont allow him to yell and me, and its not right for a man to raise his voice to a women... BUT.
      In the times we live in and the way the men were brought up in our generation. its just something thats almost like the norm.. when i grew up my parents fought in front of us. my father yelled my mother yelled.. she never backed down from anything he said OR DID. and i too have been that way. when my husband yells at me bout something my first responce is to yell back.. and i have noticed that my stepson does the same thing and so does my step daugthers...




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Apr 26, 2009
    • as vikki said.... then when he gets back up! tongue out

      Do you know if this is the norm? Does she do the same maybe when not on the phone? How did she react? Was she nervous, or did she seem unfazed?

      Sadly this may be the way they ‘communicate’ things that irritate them. She may have gotten off the phone and let him have it.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stephanie Lawrence wrote Apr 26, 2009
    • My husband would never yell or cuss at me. He wasn’t raised to treat or talk to a woman in that way. And of course, he knows that I would never stand for it.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Apr 26, 2009
    • Errrrr........NO ..

      Honey has she no self esteem or is this how they chat to each other if my husband had done that he would be six feet under - sorry




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Susan Sullivan wrote Apr 26, 2009
    • Nope, saw my father do it to me and my whole family..no man will do that to me, ever again, no one at all, in fact. I quit a job once cause the boss thought that was acceptable.  I stood right in front of him and told him in no uncertain terms that if he was crazy enough to think it was alright to talk to me like that, he was sadly mistaken cause I was nobody’s bitch and he could put that attitude where the sun did not shine.  He was so stunned that he failed to catch my name tag as I tossed it on the way out the door.

      My father, strangely, blamed me for the problem...surely I must have provoked it. By then, I was old enough, I told my father plainly that I did nothing of the sort but perhaps he and this man were secret relatives since they both treated women so vile. He was not amused, but then, neither was I.  My father did not learn that behavior at home, he learned it from his friends, but regardless, I’d never let a man act that way ever again without confronting it.  If I loved him, I’d consider getting him help, but no way would I take it.

      Perhaps for your friend, you start by being supportive and asking that question kindly - “Do you realize that that is abuse?” I found in my time in therapy that many people don’t know where the line is...especially if they had abuse in their homes growing up or in their circle of friends.  

      Good for you for caring enough about her to ask. No one questioned my father in the 18 years it took me to learn to ask why.  When I finally asked, they all knew it but they were all scared of him.  At 16, I was the only one who ever stood up to him.  That’s just messed up.

      Good luck!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Apr 26, 2009
    • Mz Tracy, to answer your question, she was unfazed.  This is the norm at that house.  I’ve seen it when I’ve been there in person.  And I know she did not get off the phone and “let him have it“.  

      She does suffer from low self esteem.  Has as long as I’ve known her.

      It just breaks my heart.  I’ve kept my mouth shut for years, but I just can’t anymore.  I told my husband I’m going to write her a letter tomorrow when I’ve had a little more time to calm down.  But I think I may start by sending her the link to this conversation.

      My kids refuse to even stop in to visit with her anymore because they absolutely can’t stand to be around her husband.  And they are used to, and don’t even notice the shabby way their father (my ex) treats women.

      Those of you who pray, I’m requesting your prayers for this situation, mainly that I can find the right words that will get thru to her and that she’ll be open to those words.

      Tulip




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      007pouty wrote Apr 26, 2009
    • NEVER!  If he did he would find himself on the floor and in quite a bit of pain!

      But, seriously,  I hope there is a way you can help you friend realize her situation.  Sometimes, as you can see from the posts you have to live and learn through it.  But, hopefully, she will learn soon.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Termite wrote Apr 26, 2009
    • UGHH...  NO!!  he would be waking up with his mouth super glued together!! HA!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Conakat wrote Apr 26, 2009
    • Okay, I’ve been there and done that and so glad THAT period of my life is over.  

      Got lucky and managed to end up with a man that I’ve had to TEACH how to disagree with me. I know. Who has a problem like that? And he only swears at the tv during football and basketball games (oh you should have heard him during the college games, didn’t think he knew those words!). Never, ever heard him swear outside of that situation.

      Tulip...I don’t know if I’d send her the link. We‘re all pretty fiesty and she’s had her head stuck in the sand for a long, long time. You might ask her what she thinks abuse is...and work your way there. But to slam this all in her face, I’m afraid she’ll shut you down fast. Been there done that too. I feel for you.

      Kathy




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Apr 26, 2009
    • Is she unfazed because she is used to it and expects it then?

      Very sad situation. Being unfazed does not mean it does not bother her.  

      How does she react when it happens to her when you are there? I’ll go over with you and tell him what for. No one deserves to be berated in private or in front of others.

      I hope when you write/talk to her, she realizes it is from love and friendship and does not become upset with you.

      Blessings!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Paflartist wrote Apr 26, 2009
    • After 2 marriages of verbal abuse, I no longer trust men.  I am working through this because I know there are good men out there.  I don’t let anyone yell and cuss at me, especially someone who claims to love me.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Carolnphil wrote Apr 27, 2009
    • I wouldn’t allow anyone to talk to me in a disrespectful manner.  Yelling and/or swearing definitely wouldn’t fly with me!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Wow40plus wrote Apr 27, 2009
    • You go bernadetteestatic Hell, No! I would not put up with it. I would yell it back to him and ask him what pod did you just crawl out of! Wall paper on a computer! Get real!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Apr 28, 2009
    • No- I do not put up with abuse.  The first time my husband yelled at me I got up went straight up to his face and asked him if he was my father.  I told him I grew up with out a father and the only one allowed to yell at me was my mother.  I am aware that he came from an abusive family where his mom was physically and verbally abused by his father.  I give him credit because he has never raised his hand to strike me but his brothers have a history of abusing wives and girlfriends.  We do get into our disagreements but we try to talk or we do “time Out” he takes a walk or I go to another room until we are calm.

      My stepfather is verbally abusive with my mom- but she has allowed that behavior.  I have told my mom that she allowed him to speak to her abusively and now that he is old he is not willing to cahnge or even try.  They live together but she does her own things and he is home.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Apr 28, 2009
    • From day 1 of our relationship I told my hubby I would NOT put up with or tolerate him using fowl language at me or towards me so when he gets ready to rant and rave if it is heated fellowship between he and I, he’ll go into the bathroom and vent behind the door until he is calm enough to talk like he has the sense God gave him because other wise he knows I’ll block him out 1 and 2 he knows I’m not afraid of him and will fight him and lawd knows I don’t want to resurrect my past because I used to fight men in the world and have no fear of them, thanks to a rough neck mother who taught us girls how to fight and defensd our selves lol. My daughter tease me all the time telling their friends that I have thug life tatoo‘ed on my chest lol NOT!

      "Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do... but how much love we put in that action Mother Teresa."




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mjmurphy wrote Apr 28, 2009
    • I lived in a marriage that was verbally, physically and psychologically abusive. 10 years of pure hell sums up the experience. 20 years later, I’m where Bernadette is - I don’t take crap from anyone. Over 40 is truly fabulous!




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