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how can i get my children to stop fighting? we cant go on car trips, we cant go on vacations, and my husband and i are starting to feel the effects of this on our marriage, forget sex, we cant even remember how we had children in the first place, we are so stressed out about it.
It is Mother’s Day, so I will tell you how I cope. I had three children, my middle son died from an accident when he was 14. After that, I always thought that I would take all the bad back, just to have him back again. Cherish your children, even the really rough times and tell your husband to “buck up” and give you a hand with the kids and to remember why he married you,and have GREAT, sex and tell the children to “chill out for a bit“.
Let them fight. What is it hurting? It doesn’t have to involve you. Butt out and let them fight amongst themselves. If they see it’s not getting any attention from you, they won’t do it so much.
My kids fight all the time. When they were little, they fought in the backseat of the car, but it sure didn’t stop me from going anywhere. Now they‘re teens and older and they show up at my house still bickering. I’d worry if they were suddenly being nice to one another. Don’t get me wrong, they love each other and are pretty protective of each other, but boy do they fight amongst themselves.
Tulip
How old are your children? Children will fight but I certainly wouldn’t allow them to dictate to me if I were going on a vacation..etc. You know..you can always leave them at home if they can’t behave.
When you say something is going to happen if they don’t stop fighting...then follow through. Make it happen. Threats with no action...are just words...and they know it.
Stay consistent. Don’t discipline one day and not another. State the rules...follow the rules and their consequences. Eventually they will get the picture.
Sounds like the children are running the show.
If they‘re young, sounds like you need a little more help from your husband in setting boundaries and limiting bad behavior with severe consequences to their actions. If you watch “Nanny911” they give some really great tips and tricks for dealing with unruly and argumentave kids. UNfortunately today kids are such smart asses that you really need a variety of resources to pull from to manage them and keep your sanity. Kids definitely need follow through on punishments, like taking away their cell phones, limiting PC usage at night when they‘re supposed to do their homework, etc..Good luck!
I agree with Tulip. They are usually doing this in a bid for your attention. How old are they? My 2nd son has a rep for being “mean,” according to the others, so after I went to my room for the evening, I told them to “Tell Omar.” Quick solution to the nightly problem of my 2 girls fighting every, single, night!
Relegate disciplining duties, if you can, or just tell them, you “are OFF for the evening & DON‘T CARE!” That works, too!!!!
as mary said, you must follow through.
Also never make the punishment something you cannot live with. lol
Thanks Tracy...I meant to add that...yes...make sure the consequences are reasonable.
I agree with the punishment and follow through advice.
However, I have a radical idea.
I have no idea how old your kids are, but for the sake of your marriage and your sanity...is it time to do a vacation without the kids? Could you do a mini-vacation away from them? We have 3 boys in our house. My husband and I have done this a few times. We did a “bike across wisconsin” trip by ourselves while the kids had a great time with grandma and their aunts and uncles for 5 days. We also did a short trip to the Caribbean (Friday thru Monday) for our 10th anniversary sans kids, and one other similar 4 day trip.
Once in a while it is OK to do this for your sanity. Provided of course that your kids are well taken care of with a relative, etc., and that your longer vacations include them.
Possibly a trip apart from them will help them to realize that having them fight the entire time on a vacation is no picnic for the 2 of you—and they need to clean up their act.
And I also think a vacation WITHOUT the HUSBAND and the KIDS is a great sanity reliever as well. I am firm believer in weekend trips with the girls is a must. It gives you a break from kids AND hubby and it gives THEM a break from YOU!
It will only take a few times of the kids not getting to go on vacation...or getting to go some place special they want to go for them to realize they had better follow the rules. Furthermore...kids DO want BOUNDARIES. They need to know...where the line stops..and they do want that line. And they don’t need to wonder if TODAY you‘re going to allow them to do what you didn’t let them DO the other day because of a rule that has been laid and you go back and forth with. STAY CONSISTENT.
I’m with Mary, an occassional vacation without husband AND kids is a must for every woman. When my kids were little, I’d send them to my mom for three days and go to a three day, all women’s workshop. Gave me something to look forward to all winter long.
When my two younger kids were about 4 and 6 they were fighting quite a lot (or I was PMSing and it was getting on my nerves). Finally one day I grabbed them each by the collar and set them down on a throw rug facing each other and told them they were going to hold hands for 5 minutes. The next time they started fighting I asked if they wanted to sit on the rug again and the fighting stopped immediately.
Tulip
I had to laugh at this , I met a nurse about twenty years ago and she was single , her and her kids would take rode trips all the time . oh I forgot this part she had a very small car, she told me when the kids started to fight she would take out the bible and make them read from it, she told me that there was a whole a lot of bible reading going on. I have always played jazz music in car , I think that is what kept my kids calm.
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