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I need some advice to give my parents. They are 68 and 70 yrs old,my Dad still works, but wants to retire but he cant. My 3 brothers are always coming to them for help, money, free babysitter, food, everything.(evern for cars, one of them live with them.) My brothers do not work, 2 of them have children. MY parents are so stressed , Im afraid something could happen to them because of all the stress. What can I do to help? MY brothers wont listen to me, or anyone, they drink, do drugs, ect.

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Jun 22, 2009
    • OMG honey that is tough ....... very tough.

      I think you need to be tough and kick those sorry brothers of yours ass ....... your parents can’t keep supporting that they are now on the best bit not working to feed someone else.

      Is there just 4 of you - 3 spongers and yourself ?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mzd3 wrote Jun 22, 2009
    • Yes, 4 kids, my 3 brothers , one is on diability , and a drinker, never worked. one was married, but his wife got killed in auto accident 2 yrs ago, leaving 3 kids. He quit working , gets social security, buys drugs, then has no money left for food, elec. , and other brother lives with them and they have to feed him.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tina Sickinger wrote Jun 22, 2009
    • How old are these men, uh boys, whatever?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mzd3 wrote Jun 22, 2009
    • Oldest brother is 48 , the one whose wife passed is 46 , the one who lives at my parents is 42.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Jun 22, 2009
    • Sounds like they need some professional help, especially your brother who is a widower...you may need to organize an intervention.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Debbe wrote Jun 22, 2009
    • What a tough situation.  It’s one thing to kick the adults in their proverbial tushes, but I’m sure your parents are concerned about their grandkids.

      I think the idea about an intervention is a good one, where needed.  My idea would be to have your parents sell their place, buy something small that only has room for the two of them, and let your brothers fend for themselves.  And your parents need to learn the word “NO“.  I can’t imagine not wanting help my child, but at some point, you just have to stop so they can learn to do it themselves. I have a similar situation with someone I know ... her kids are adults but she’s still supporting them.  It’s one thing to help your kids out of a jam, but there has to be a limit ... otherwise why should they stop?

      Again, if your parents are anything like mine, they won’t do any of the above simply out of concern for their grandkids.  And I’m sure they don’t want to call authorities (you did say support money is going towards drugs and not towards caring for the kids).

      I sure wish I had some better ideas.  I feel badly for your parents ... they are the same ages as mine.  They deserve not to be worrying about this stuff.

      I guess if nothing else, I can always lend an ear ... even if it’s not accompanied by advice ...




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Jun 22, 2009
    • There is probably no advice you can give your parents that will make any difference.  They’ve obviously been supporting this life-style for your brothers and they‘re going to have to make the decision to make their children grow up.

      I agree with the others who have said an intervention of some sort is in order.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Janet Wooley wrote Jun 22, 2009
    • Ladies the parents are NOT helping the sons out they are enabeling them to continue this behavior and the problem is the parents. Until they really see they are enabeling this behavior they will continue. Because in all honesty the boys will only move on to the next person they can manipulate. They will not change until they are ready to change and nothing ever said will do this it takes action. Your parents need to realize this is not healthy behavior especially for the kids of the big kid.And stop BUT until they really see it is NOT helping they will continue to do it out of guilt.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Janet Wooley wrote Jun 22, 2009
    • Why do the BOYS not live w/Diane? Because she WILL NOT put up with it, Mom and Dad will, they are. The problem is dear old mom and dad enabeling this to continue at their house.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Janet Wooley wrote Jun 22, 2009
    • The boys will continue to do this no matter where they go they are addicts. The parents dont even know it but the addicts operate on manipulation and when you recognize this you stop they move on to the next victim they can manipulate. Oh they are absolutely the best at this look how long they have done it? We can not control the behavior of others only ourselves. I speak from experience let me tell you. Alanon has some good reading material and ALOT of prayer, Until a person is ready to change including your parents nothing will ever happen. You can feel bad and sorry all you want it will not change a thing.Sorry if this sounds harsh but it is the truth




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mjmurphy wrote Jun 22, 2009
    • I am with the Alnon for your parents. I’m sure your heart goes out to them but they must change the way they deal with your brothers and it would help them to do that.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mzd3 wrote Jun 24, 2009
    • It has gotten even worse, not sure how much more they can take. Mom is breaking down with uncontrolable crying, Dad is stressed so much, you can just see it in his face. The older brother had his electric turned off, it is 90 here and he is living in a stripped out mobile home, he called to have my dad move all his stuff out to their house then, after cutting himself ( he is a cutter )left into the woods.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Termite wrote Jun 24, 2009
    • I can’t believe that the authorities havent stepped in. Maybe you should call children services on the brother who spends his SS money on drugs, then doesnt have any money for food or electric for his children. I know this sounds harsh, but harsh is the only way. I would also call the authorities on the brother that is cutting himself. He needs help.
      I’m sure your parents won’t make the calls, but I certainly would if I were you. As far as the brother on disablilty, he needs your parents to put their foot down! Like I said, I know this all sounds harsh, but all of us who are parents know all about tuff love. In the long run, they‘re better off.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mzd3 wrote Jun 24, 2009
    • My parents just called me, my brother just accidentally hit his 3 yr old while backing the van out of his driveway. He thought the boy was inside. He is on the way to hospital in a squad, its not life threatening, but he was hurt.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Jun 24, 2009
    • OMG..Dianne...something needs to be done ASAP before someone is killed, it may be up to you to notify the authorities and child welfare services as Termite mentioned, please let us know what happens..our prayers are with you and your parents.

      Mary




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